Photo Credit: Jewish Press

Dear Mrs. Bluth,

I have a question. Is it true that a husband can beat his wife once? The reason I ask is because I am married for five weeks and my husband, who was displeased with the way I ironed his shirts smacked me on my back so hard I hit my face in the wall. I was crying from pain and shock, when he said that he was permitted to beat me just once. I am too embarrassed to ask anyone else about this.

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Otherwise, we have been quite happy; he is usually very even-tempered, it’s just that on that day he got some bad news at work (he was laid off) and didn’t know how we were going to make ends meet. He said I would have to get a second job until he could find another one himself. I’m not sure I can find another job because I already work from nine to six thirty. When I mentioned this to him, I saw a look of such anger cross his eyes and he started clenching his fists. I impulsively ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I heard glasses breaking and dishes hitting the floor and I am very worried that he may have an anger problem.

This brings me to another question: What should I do?

I am too ashamed to talk to my parents because I sort of wanted to marry him and they were not too happy about that and I can’t talk to his parents because they don’t like me so much. Please help me and tell me what to do.

 

Dear Friend,

Raising a hand in anger towards another person is never “all right,” even once and especially not to a spouse! That answers your first question.

Something is definitely not right. You are a newlywed married less than two months and he’s already coming after you with fists flying? That you instinctively felt the need to protect yourself from his anger on the occasion of mentioning you couldn’t manage a second job is your answer to question two.

Now, should you stay and undergo counseling in the hopes of salvaging your marriage? Or should you turn and run from it before you get hurt or lose the opportunity to leave in an upright position?

I don’t know enough about what’s going on in your home, or anything at all about you or him. However, just from the minuscule amount of information gleaned from your letter, I would caution you to listen to your fears and seek professional advice on how to leave the marriage. He has already portrayed a vicious streak of anger and physical abuse towards you; it promises to only get worse as time goes by. Listen to your gut, that which sent you to hide and possibly averted a black eye or worse. Don’t wait around for it to fix itself. Usually, there’s no fixing that kind of broke.

Please be careful and don’t wait around for a miracle. Please now.

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