Photo Credit: Jewish Press

 

Dear Mrs. Bluth,

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I have been living in a deep, dark place for the last six years of my life when every day becomes unbearable and each day I sink deeper and deeper into the bitterness and the misery that no one seems to take seriously. Just so you know, I am fifteen years old, and the source of my unhappiness is being born a twin.

I hope you don’t think this is a prank letter, it’s not! Ever since I was about eight or nine years old, I began to notice how differently I am treated by my parents, teachers, classmates, etc. I guess what I’m trying to say is, my sister is the pretty one and I, the plain (ugly) one. Example, Bina*(not her real name) is blondish with blue eyes and light skin and I have mousy brown hair, brown eyes and freckles everywhere! We are definitely not identical twins, yet, my mother always dressed us the same, thinking that would make me prettier, but of course, it didn’t. Everyone would always oooh and ahhh over my sister but no such compliment for me. And as I got older, things got worse.

I grew bigger in all areas than my sister who was small and skinnier than me. Everything she wore was beautiful, while I had to shop for my clothes in the ladies section because of my weight. In school, she was the teacher’s pet and I was the dummy (still am!) and where Bina has a gazillion friends, always has friends over and sleep-overs, I have zero friends and am never included in my sister’s events. For a long time, I hated my sister and everyone who made a big deal over her, including my parents, brothers and all other family members, and when I asked my aunt why my sister gets all the compliments and the nice things, she says maybe it’s because if I lose some weight, do exercise and try to wear my hair differently… Oh sure, like I go out of my way to stuff my face, well maybe that’s because it’s the only pleasure I have left in my life.

Lately I’ve been thinking maybe it would be better for everyone if I wasn’t here anymore, me included. For a while, this makes me feel a little better, then I get scared to think that, because, in my head, I know I’m just as smart and if I do lose the weight, I think I could be really nice looking. But then I get tired of thinking that, because of all the work it would take and how long it would take to make this happen and then I start thinking about how much easier and better it would be if I wasn’t there anymore, and I cry myself to sleep. I wake up to another miserable day and it starts all over again! Can you help me sort things out and maybe come up with some better solutions? I heard that you listen to everyone, so please, please tell me what to do!

 

Dearest Child,

My heart bled reading your letter, and for a fraction of a moment, I was transported to my own childhood and the many sadnesses I suffered for being an immigrant child who did not fit in with the American kids.

But then, I had a strong and loving protector in my father, a”h (my mother, a”h, was very ill during my early years) and he became my best friend. So, I hope you’ll let me be your ‘best friend’ and listen to what I’m going to tell you.

You are very special! Don’t look in the mirror and see what others want you to see. Look inside the person staring back at you. Don’t compare yourself to your sister or anyone else for that matter! You are a unique and special human being. Inside that person lives a wonderful, beautiful, one-of-a-kind, original work of art, created by HaKadosh Boruch Hu Himself, and He has given you a special purpose. You are only fifteen years old and your true beauty lies within you. Don’t let the remarks of simple-minded, petty people get you down. When you look at yourself, see the good and decent inner person who has yet to emerge. Your compassion will be a help for you to others who are suffering from image-bullying, who struggle with self-esteem and self-worth issues, because you know how that feels and you have the great empathy to help others through their sadness. And one day, when you’re a little older you will, by virtue of strengthening others, find your own strength. You will find the will and the way to bring forth your outer beauty to its fullest potential and the reflection in the mirror will show a stunning young woman of inner and outer strength and beauty.

Please understand that you are very special and have a very important role to fill! I’m counting on you to some day take over this column and help other young girls cope with the trials and tribulations of growing up amongst foolish and cruel people. It’s what got me where I am today, and it will surely guide you to be the best, most wonderful and accomplished person you are destined to be. I am always here for you!


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