Dear Dr. Yael,
We are sending our daughter to sleep-away camp for the second half of the summer. She begs us to send her every year, so we give in, even though it is not cheap. The last two years, she struggled with being homesick, but then she ends up having a great time and wants to go back every year. Please help us deal with the homesickness, so the beginning of camp is not as difficult this summer.
Thank you,
A Reader
Dear A Reader,
Homesickness is common in children and teenagers when they are in camp. It’s important for kids to know that there is nothing wrong with them if they feel homesick and that their homesickness may actually appear in other ways as well. Some people feel a lot of anxiety when they are away from home. They may fear that they have a new problem, but really this can be homesickness manifesting itself as anxiety. Other people may feel angry easily and not understand why. Homesickness can make you feel “off” and can also be expressed with overeating, feeling sick more often, feeling pain, headaches, obsessive thoughts, easily irritated, and/or feeling stressed out. Hopefully your daughter does not feel these symptoms, but it is important to share with her these possibilities, so she understands that nothing is all of a sudden wrong with her and that she is probably feeling this way because she is homesick.
I will try to give you some helpful ideas for your daughter to try to help her feel less home sick this summer.
- Taking pictures with her of your family and/or another familiar thing can be helpful, but she shouldn’t overdo it and she should try to balance it with other things that make her happy and not homesick.
- Bringing some comfort food can also be helpful. Something that reminds her of home can help your daughter feel loved, even when away. Maybe you can send her something for her first Shabbos or something nonperishable that makes her feel better.
- It’s helpful to talk about your feelings of homesickness, so if there’s a head counselor, camp mother, or therapist at camp, maybe they can help her process her feelings and feel better about them. People think that talking about homesickness makes it worse, but actually, research has shown that speaking about your feelings can help you feel better and can be almost like a release of pent up emotions. Again, balancing talking about feelings and distracting herself is important because obsessing about her feelings will not be helpful.
- Keeping a journal has also been found to be helpful in remediating homesickness. When writing, it’s important that your daughter focus on the positive and all of the fun that she is experiencing. Thinking about all of the fun and writing about it can help put her in a better mood and help her forget her homesickness. If she only writes about how sad she is or how much she misses you, then keeping a journal will not be helpful. If she finds herself only writing about negative feelings, she has to push herself to think of something positive that happened that day and focus on the fun aspect of camp.
- Make sure she gets a lot of exercise. Exercise increases endorphins and endorphins are a natural way to fight depression and anxiety (both side effects of feeling homesick). Exercising with a friend will also help her socialize more and have more fun! So instead of spending all of her rest time crying or calling you, she should ask a friend to brisk-walk with her or play a sport with her to help increase endorphins and distract her from her negative feelings. Doing anything active and fun will be very helpful!
- Tell your daughter that whether she feels like it or not, to get involved in all of the activities. This will help her because she will be keeping busy (less time to obsess over being homesick) and will likely increase her endorphins because the activities will hopefully be active and/or fun!
- Teach your daughter some calming techniques for when she feels anxious at camp. Calming techniques such as deep breathing (inhaling a long, deep breath, holding your breath for a few seconds, and then exhaling very very slowly), thinking of calming scenes (closing your eyes and imagining that you are in a scene that is calming to you), and imagining upcoming fun and exciting experiences are all helpful calming techniques. These work better when you practice them in advance so talk to your daughter about this now and have her practice, so she is ready to use them when she feels stressed.
- Even though camp is not really the best place for this, talk to your daughter about the importance of getting enough sleep and eating well. When kids do not eat or sleep well they are crankier and more likely to feel “off.”
- Lastly, give your daughter plenty of encouragement and positive self-talk statements such as “I can do this!,” “I will have a great time!,” and/or “I know how to calm myself if I feel stressed and I will be happy and fine.” Using these statements when she starts to feel upset will help her feel better.
Hatzlacha with your daughter and, iy”H, with some of these techniques, she will have a great summer this year!!
