When Shmuely, initially, a real “observer” who was afraid to risk being vulnerable, realized that he was not getting the attention he wanted from the group, he began standing up for himself. He had quietly watched as others did. And after seeing members trust each other without getting hurt, he slowly overcame the fear that had caused so much confusion and pain in his relationships. Ironically, Shmuely has begun to observe that he feels his older bochur status everywhere in his life but here, as no one in the group is even aware of his single status.
In that same vein, other people’s status or situations which are front and center in their lives – primary or secondary infertility, divorce, widower/widow, unemployment, cancer, gambling or other addictions and the like – are not known to the group either.
With encouragement and positive feedback, Shmuely courageously began to change the way he interacted with others in his “outside life.” He began to date women without the irrational fear that they would always take advantage of, ridicule or harm him, and he is presently going out with a woman seriously. EFGT shaped his confidence in a few months, more than years of individual therapy did.
It has been said that no man is an island. Man is an inherently social being hardwired for connection and created with a strong need for the support, acceptance and mutual understanding of other people in order to function optimally in life. EFGT, which is rooted in attachment theory, has illuminated the way our feelings influence the way we relate to others and to ourselves.
Rivka and Shmuely are two examples of people who found safety, security, and a sense of belonging in EFGT groups. As many others, they were able to experience relationships and “family” in a new way. Everybody can benefit from improving the quality of their interpersonal relationships, and group therapy is an effective (and very affordable) way to learn and grow.
Currently there are mixed and separate gendered EFGT groups. EFGT has received the haskama of Rabbonim. For more information please contact Lea Koplowitz, LCSW at 718-972-5817or [email protected],
Rivka or Shmuely are composite examples of individuals who may benefit from EFGT as an adjunct to their individual therapy, couple therapy, post-therapy or as group-only intervention by itself.