Dear Dating Coach,
My father passed away a little more than a month ago and it has been a really sad time for my family. I am recently home from seminary and I had hoped to start dating this year, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe people will think it’s wrong or maybe it’s too soon? I want to do the right thing, but I’m just not sure what that is anymore. Is there some sort of timing that is appropriate?
Wait to Date
Dear Wait,
My grandmother is a baker. (She is also a master chef, an accomplished cook, and probably a chocolatier.) She is famous for her desserts and caters them specifically to those she loves. One grandchild is “banana cake,” one son is “cream pie.” One niece is “chocolate cake,” another, “coconut,” and her favorites are simply called “challah.” (I have long held the lucky title of “Strudel” and I will never relinquish my coveted crown.) This all means that my incredible grandmother will feed you a dessert the minute you walk through her door. You are not hungry? Not a good time for cake? On a diet? Excuses are not welcome. Sit down. Eat.
Don’t Be Eye Candy. Be Soul Food.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to navigate life after a loss and all the things you felt so sure of, suddenly become question marks, without answers or direction. You had this upcoming year planned, and part of that included dating. Now you worry that this might not be the correct decision. Should time be factored into your hope to date and if so when would it be right? You find yourself second guessing something you had been so sure of only months before. Loss and grief are so complicated and everyone has a different process and journey through. Therefore, the right time for you to date is when you feel it is the right time for you to date. If you are feeling ready now, then now is the right time. If you feel like you needed more time to get to a better emotional place, then that would be correct as well. There is no exact answer and anyone who tells you there is one, is judgmental and wrong. Moreover, I would like to note that nothing sounds better to me than the potential joy of finding a bashert after a loss. Isn’t it always the right time to bring more happiness into a home? Certainly, when you have all been so sad, the bracha of finding the right person for you, sounds just right. So, date with an open heart and know that you are doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing in exactly the right time. Sit down. Date.