Returning to the encounter with the 93-year-old, after he laments that his wife died two years prior and indicated that he has no joy left in his life, an empathic response could have included a very brief reflection on hamantaschen: These became popular in part because of their filling that is mostly obscured from view, symbolizing G-d’s hidden presence in the megillah and in our lives, and a desire to see more revelation. After sharing this, a skilled visitor might reflect on how they can only imagine that in light of his wife’s death, it seems like the sweetness is obscured, and invite him to share what he most misses about her. In this way, an icon of the holiday can become a way of connecting to the patient’s own story.
- Don’t infantilize patients (or staff). If all you give adult patients is assorted cookies and candy, this reinforces the above idea that Purim is a holiday for kids and not relevant as we age. Incidentally, some of my chaplain colleagues make it a point not to invite children to sing Maoz Tzur, etc. at the Chanukah celebrations they hold for patients or staff. They reason that most Jews grow out of Chanukah; having children prominently feature at the event reinforces the stereotype that Chanukah is a kid’s holiday.
Thank you in advance for your support of cholim wherever they are. As for the two teenagers I mentioned earlier, you are probably wondering what I said to them that may have been of comfort. I suggested that although the patient hadn’t allowed them to give him their mishloach manos, they had perhaps left him with a much more valuable gift package, albeit a less tangible one. The package they ultimately delivered had contained a portion of empathy in acknowledging the loss of his wife, a kiddush Hashem in not displaying a negative judgment of his declared lack of observance, as well as an opportunity for him to unburden himself by expressing grief, anger, and frustration, talk about his loved ones, and express his current desire. May Hashem grant us all our hearts’ desires, grant us wisdom to discern our true personal needs and respond with sensitivity to the needs of others.