Humidity is so uncomfortable. Sometimes the words “Uch, I’m shmoiling!” come pouring out like the perspiration along with it.
Turns out, the rate at which water evaporates from our skin is how we feel hot or cold. When it’s humid outside (i.e. there is a lot of water vapor present) our natural sweat cannot evaporate from the skin as quickly, and we experience prolonged discomfort.
We casually huff, “I’m boiling!” But this provides a lesson in shalom bayit. I know it feels like a stretch, but stay with me.
When frustrated about anything, including heat, we can express our needs, but should be mindful of how those needs come across. Leading relationship expert, Laura Doyle, calls complaints “lazy desires,” and claims any complaint can be rephrased into a desire. For example, instead of “I’m so hot!” Try, “I would love to cool off.” When you express a complaint, the response is stagnant – you are essentially saying, I’m upset, and there is no way to please me. However, when we express a desire, the imagination lights up. A person can think of all sorts of ways to cool down. Perhaps a glass of cold water, a cool shower, or a shady spot would do the trick.
When things heat up in your marriage you can focus on expressing a desire.
Instead of, “Your always scrolling!” You can express a desire: “I would love to talk tonight without technology.”
I would love … is the formula.
Nobody likes a complaint, but most are happy to fulfill a desire. The next time it’s humid inside or out, let your spouse know what you want – to cool off. Then you and your spouse will be happy, not humid.
