Hence, we baby-boomers – children of survivors or not – look back at how we “turned out” and, depending on our psychological makeup, are “okay” with what we accomplished, or only see our “shortcomings” – real or perceived. For too many, there is a sad sense that “I really didn’t matter. I didn’t make a difference.”
It’s all about perception and perhaps we need to review, as Jews, what defines success. Because as Jews, everything you do “matters.” Every act of kindness, every positive word, enhances the world. You create a kiddush Hashem and that should be how you define success – lightening a fellow human being’s physical or emotional burden by elevating his spirit. When you are “nice” to someone, you are giving him/her the message that he/she “matters” and that is the epitome of success. You are giving kavod to Hashem by respecting His creations. In doing so, you validate yourself as well.
Too many of us have adopted the secular world’s definition of success and hence we feel like we failed. Making lots of money and having a huge house full of state-of-the-art appliances and closets full of high fashion clothing is not how we should view success. It is superficial and transient.
For those of my generation who feel like they did not achieve the dreams and goals of their youth, be aware that you can still achieve amazing success and leave your “mark” on the world. You can do so by letting people know that they matter! This is especially true for those who are vulnerable and easy targets for verbal and emotional abuse: children, the elderly, the handicapped, the poor, those who are alone and who have no family support.
Smile at people as you go about your business, nod your head in greeting, make those around you feel that they are visible and that they count. I now try to say hello to the attendant in the public bathrooms at the airport or bus station – perhaps that will be the only acknowledgement they get that day. I try to greet strangers on Shabbat with a Shabbat Shalom. No one has it totally good – a good marriage, great parnassah, all their loved ones physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. Many are what I call the “walking wounded.” Perhaps your greeting will give them some cheer – if only for a second. This is the key to feeling that you had a successful life.
It is so easy to be critical of others and denigrate and look down on them – after all, you feel better about yourself when you can classify someone as being a “loser” or on a lower madraiga (level) than you. But that is a measure of failure. People who feel good about themselves do not need to minimize, belittle and diminish others.
Giving a compliment, offering a hand to someone who is faltering – being positive and encouraging – is the path to making a difference. Not everyone can win a Noble Prize but everyone has the ability to elevate someone’s existence.
By doing so, you elevate your own existence, and have attained success beyond your wildest dreams.