Photo Credit: YYanover

Spokesman for the new Palestine State at the United Nations announced that they are presenting a motion before the Security Council condemning Israel over the celebration of Chanukah.

The holiday, which Jews around the world have been celebrating for 3000 years, commemorates Israel’s victory over the Greeks who had conquered the Land of Israel and outlawed the Jews from observing the commandments of the Torah.

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At a press conference explaining the motion, Abass Babass, the spokesman for the new, non-member, Palestine State said, “It’s time the Chanukah myth be exploded. It wasn’t the Greeks whom the Israelis conquered. They were Palestine refugees from Syria, the original settlers of Palestine. After the invading Israelis perpetrated mass genocide on our people, and exiled the survivors to Syria, we returned and re-conquered our land in a heroic struggle. We lived there in peace until the Israeli revolt, when they stormed our eternal capital, Jerusalem, and set up their menorah on the mosque on the Temple Mount. Now, to redress this great wrong and historical lie, we are calling on the international community to condemn Israel for its aggression against the Palestinian people, an aggression that continues to this day, and which Chanukah has come to symbolize in our eyes.”

While the United States has not yet taken a stand on the motion, all other member nations are supporting the condemnation, with the exception of Greece which maintains that they were indeed the conquerors of Israel, and not the Palestinians who, they claim, didn’t exist at the time.

The Peace Now Movement in Israel has also declared their support for the proposed Palestine motion, calling the celebration of Chanukah immoral in championing the Maccabees, “a band of radical religious zealots and rightist settlers who, in waging a ‘Tag Machir’ price-tag war against the Palestinians, were the forefathers of Moetzet Yesha and Gush Emunim.”

Also lending their support to the Palestinian cause is an alliance of Reform Jews from America called the “Progressive Pluralist Platform,” which advocates a “do-your-own-thing style of Judaism.” The director of the organization, Rabbi Patty Christianstein, calls Chanukah a “celebration of fascism.” Waving the flag of Palestine outside the UN, she stated: “Chanukah is not the innocent lighting of candles and spinning of dreidels that many Americans think. Judah the Macabee was the crazed leader of a vicious cult that murdered anyone who didn’t believe in the Divinity of the Torah. The main fight of the Macabees was against the enlightened Jewish Hellenists, who cherished Greek-Palestinian culture. Chanukah is a holiday of hate and intolerance that must be abolished so that the true values of Judaism can shine forth.”

In response, the ruling Likud Party’s Moshe Feiglin issued a curse statement reading: “The Jewish People have celebrated Chanukah for 3000 years, and we will continue to celebrate it as the joyous holiday of freedom which celebrates Jewish sovereignty over the Temple Mount and all of Eretz Yisrael.”

In light of the controversy, the Jewish spokesman for the President of the United States has announced that in consideration for the Palestinian people, the President is weighing the cancellation of this year’s traditional menorah-lighting festivities at the White House.

The Orthodox community in America couldn’t be reached.

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41 COMMENTS

  1. The palestinians didn’t exist at the time that the Maccabees defeated the Greek Hasmoneans who had ruled over Israel. This happened before Messiah Yeshua came. Yochanon 10:22-23 shows that the Messiah observed Hannukkah.

  2. Another attempt by the Palestinians to deny the historical existence of the Jewish connection to the land. It's like Orwell's "1984": why not rewrite history to fulfill your political and ideological needs? Who is going to object?

  3. this has got to be a freaking dream right? how dare american even consider overlooking this sacred holiday when the so love to embrace every christain holidy there ever was? I am so boiling mad I could spit hot water! and the fact that a supposed Jew is supporting this makes me feel even sicker.

  4. The Iranians already staged protests at the tombs of Mordechai and Esther in Hamadhan, saying that the tombs should be destroyed because Mordechai and Esther were responsible for the deaths of thousands of Persians. Which is true … but it represents a very selective reading of the Megillah. Thing is, though, that this was not theater … they meant it.

  5. WOW! Some people's ignorance and narrow mindedness is so abysmal that they don't even get satyrical pieces like this one any longer: they think that it is actually a news item!
    I guess that a few decades of "soma" have sorted their effects in this "Brave New World"!

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