If this is the perception of Judaism that many of our youth have, then it is no surprise that more than a few of them opt out. A non-observant lifestyle frees them of all of the above pressures, fears, and shackles. While opting out surely brings a different set of problems – which ultimately may prove far more devastating – it provides an escape that can be too inviting to pass up.
Even the children who remain as outwardly observant Jews may be spiritually lost to us. They may remain outwardly observant because they are too afraid to break away, or because Jewish observance is something they can tolerate even if it doesn’t fulfill them. But is this not a tragedy as well? Is this not a crisis that is just as deserving of our attention?
When one gets down to it, there are indeed two types of children. The two categories, however, are not “on the derech” and “at-risk,” but “Jews who are spiritually engaged” and “Jews who are not.” One who is proverbially “at-risk” is simply a child who has let his lack of spiritual engagement burst to the surface in an extreme way. There are nevertheless far more Jewish children who are disaffected or unengaged who simply go through the motions to fit in with the crowd.
There are two things that need to be done to truly address this crisis. One is for the community to do some serious introspection and examine if the above perceptions many children (and adults) have of observant Jewry are not entirely inaccurate. I may be a hopeless optimist in even broaching such a suggestion, but I believe the community is capable of summoning the gumption to perform this uncomfortable task.
The other suggestion is to help our children make the correct choice and stick with an observant Jewish lifestyle. The proper way to do this is not by attempting to force them, since such an approach generally backfires. The proper way to do this is by first understanding, then exemplifying, and ultimately transmitting to our children the unparalleled mission of the Jewish people.
If our children do not understand what it means to be a Jew, it is no surprise that other lifestyles that promise immediate gratification and few restrictions will appear enticing.
The Jewish endgame, in short, is to perfect the world by serving as role models and ambassadors of God in every aspect of our lives. We are a “kingdom of priests and a holy nation,” not by virtue of auspicious DNA or some other biological superiority, but through the closeness to God that we earn through sanctifying the mundane.
If one truly understands and appreciates the mission that he has as a Jew, how could he not be filled with pride? How could he not be filled with determination to overcome the many challenges, both internal and external, that may stand in the way of fulfilling this mission? How could he possibly choose a lifestyle that promises little more than animal gratification, worship of the senses, and an absence of a higher calling?
Some people may give in to temptation, but if one lays out what Judaism truly has to offer in comparison to any other system of life that has been invented, it is hard to believe that many people would decide that another system is more meritorious.
If our children are not filled with deep pride in being Jewish, then we have failed them. If our children were to find out they were not actually Jewish, would they be interested in undergoing a conversion? If not, then we have failed them.
If we spent less time focusing on the mechanics of Judaism and praising austerity, and more time deepening our appreciation for the rich and beautiful way of life God has given us, I am confident that many quietly at-risk children would blossom into spirited, proud Jewish adults.
Let’s not wait until children are already involved in self-destructive behavior to begin engaging them in the beautiful essence of what it really means to be a Jew.
