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Etty confessed that she was too embarrassed to open up to her parents. Her sister had lately picked up on the change in her and had nudged her into telling her what was going on. Etty admitted to having been evasive in her talks with her sister, fearing that everyone in the family would soon find out.

Rachel, I come from a more modern background than Etty and might be somewhat ignorant when it comes to understanding a culture that has parents marrying off their children to young men whom they are barely, if at all, acquainted with. But one thing in this particular picture is clear, at least to me: Etty married a lowlife, a bum who is immature – to put it kindly – and who is shamelessly using his wife to support his sham existence.

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I’m not going to sit here and guess at what else (besides sleeping) he fritters his daylight hours away on while his young wife goes to work to bring home a paycheck. I strongly urged Etty to confide in her mother immediately and tried to assure her that her parents would never allow their daughter to remain shackled in this fraudulent marriage.

Etty weakly protested that a marriage is serious business that needs to be worked on, and that after all the trouble and expense her parents had gone to, they might insist on her trying to stay with him and work things out.

Personally, I feel Etty is too sweet and innocent for her own good and also has lots of growing up to do. My heart breaks for her.

Life can be cruel

 

Dear Life,

Sad story, indeed! To have an innocent child falling prey to a lying, cheating spouse who had them all fooled has to be a parent’s worst nightmare. Going by the details you share with us, it would seem these parents were overly anxious to get the line moving and didn’t trouble themselves enough to make certain that this boy would be a suitable life-partner for their daughter.

Truth is, only G-d knows why these things sometimes happen in the best of families. I was privy many years back to a strikingly similar situation that eventually ended on a happy note. The young bride left her husband and found her bashert in a wonderful young man who had also previously been briefly married to a girl who had turned out to be ill-suited for him.

This second shidduch would have in all probability resulted in a no-go the first time around due to incompatibilities where the families were concerned. Needless to say, the entire picture often takes on a new light when dealing with divorced kids.

As for Etty, she shouldn’t just walk away – she should run as fast as she can. Hopefully she is not with child yet. If she is uncomfortable speaking to her mother, she should absolutely confide in her older sister who will surely take immediate and appropriate steps to extract Etty from her misery.

Laziness is one thing; lying, defying and mocking the Torah laws one has committed to uphold is something else entirely. Such a person is not to be trusted. Where there’s no trust, there’s no respect… no respect, no love… no love, no real marriage. Etty should absolutely not wait around hoping for change.

This story should serve as a lesson to parents to be ever vigilant when it comes to the shidduchim of their children – and to pray to Hashem for siyatta d’Shmaya, to lead them in the right direction. Thanks for sharing.

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