web analytics
July 26, 2014 / 28 Tammuz, 5774
Israel at War: Operation Protective Edge
 
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
IDC Advocacy Room IDC Fights War on Another Front

Student Union opens ‘hasbara’ room in effort to fill public diplomacy vacuum.



Saving Mr. Banks: Is It Possible?

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Spoiler Alert: Going to see the movie Saving Mr. Banks, starring Tom Hanks is not like going to Disney World. Well, it is like going to Disney World if you go mid-August with your triplet toddlers, feed them all cotton candy, and lose your car because you forgot you parked in Pluto 7.394.  It’s not a happy Disney movie.

Here’s the good news: It’s a meaningful movie that brings to light significant psychological questions. How much does your childhood trauma affect your adult life and can you actively do things to change those effects? “Saving Mr. Banks,” based on a true story, focuses largely on P. L. Travers who was the author of the Mary Poppins series. The movie throws you back and forth from her childhood to adulthood, giving insight into her repeated challenges. Her love and dependence on a father, who miserably fails her in her youth, gives way to an adult who lives a lonely life, dislikes the color red and pears, and tries to undo her painful past by writing a story about Mary Poppins.

Regardless of how true to life the movie is in regards to the Travers-Disney relationship, it forces you to see how many people suffer in adulthood because they have suffered as children. Of course, logic dictates that the child who experiences pain will learn to grow into an adult who completely changes her world and does the opposite of what she experienced in childhood. Sadly, however, we are  forced to manage what we have learned in our formative years and continue to seek the familiar.

If you were made to feel loved and protected as a child, you will naturally be drawn to seek loving people and relationships that protect you as an adult. If you were unloved and unprotected as a child, you will naturally be drawn to people and situations that do not make you feel loved and protected. You will have been made to believe that you do not deserve to be loved and protected and will therefore, find ways to undo loving situations and be ready to jump into ones that create the feelings you had in childhood.

The movie suggests Disney medicine: create a musical where the outcome is better than the real life childhood. As this is not an opportunity most of us get, consider changing your own outcome by “parenting” yourself. I use this term in order to help people recognize that they might not have had proper parenting as a child and now deserve to give themselves the same acceptance, loving, and protective messages that they missed as children. Consider what you would say to your best friend who had a miserable childhood and suffers as an adult because of it. You can give yourself the same message and continue to repeat it often, reminding yourself that this is your truth, not the one you were made to believe.

Remember, most of the time, parents only mean well for their children, but their own substantive issues get in the way of proper parenting. Most probably, your parents did not mean to give you those negative messages. So you can create different messages as an adult, but only after you recognize the effect that your childhood is presently having on you presently.

As the title indicates, “Saving Mr. Banks” is about saving P. L. Travers’ father. She wants to find a way to create a different message out of her childhood. This is something we can all do, with or without Disney magic.

About the Author: Check out Gary’s web program where he interviews couples who share their struggles and innermost thoughts and feelings at mgaryneuman.com. Facebook or Twitter Gary at mgaryneuman. M. Gary Neuman is a NY Times best selling author and a frequent guest on the Oprah show. He lives in Miami with his wife and five children.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

Please use the Facebook Tab below to leave your comment:

One Response to “Saving Mr. Banks: Is It Possible?”

  1. Saia F. Tu'itahi says:

    Nice explanation.

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Loading Facebook Comments ...
Loading Disqus Comments ...
Current Top Story
Soldiers take wounded comrade wounded in Gaza from helicopter to Soroka Hospital in Be'er Sheva.
Hamas Fires while Israel Extends Ceasefire
Latest Sections Stories
Respler-072514

The real solution to bullying is to empower the bullied child.

Schonfeld-logo1

Time outs increases compliance and positive behavior far more than other forms of discipline

Schild-Edwin

Interestingly, sometimes people who have a very high self-awareness may experience intense reactions to circumstances that others might respond to more mildly.

“You Touro graduates are automatically soldiers in [Israel’s] struggle, and we count on you,” Rothstein told the graduates.

The lemonana was something else. Never had we seen a green drink look so enticing.

On his marriage, he wrote: “This is what I believe: something of the core, of the essence of this meaningful and life-affirming Judaism will not be absent from our home” (1882).

With the recent kidnapping by the Hamas and the barbaric murder of three children – Gilad Shaar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Frankel, we believe that the best answer to honor the memory of those murdered is to continue building those very communities – large and small – that our enemies are trying to destroy.

Written entirely through Frayda’s eyes, the reader is drawn by her unassuming personality.

Adopting an ancient exegetical approach that is based on midrashic readings of the text, thematic connections that span between various books of the Bible are revealed.

While Lipman comes from an ultra-Orthodox background and is an Orthodox rabbi, he offers a breath of fresh air when he suggests that “polarization caused by extremism and isolationism in the religious community may be the greatest internal threat to the future of the Jewish people”

The Joys of Yiddish, Leo Rosten defines a mentch as “someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.”

Certainly today’s communication via e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and the like, including the ubiquitous Whatsapp, has reduced the need to talk with people and communicate at length.

More Articles from Rabbi M. Gary Neuman
Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Spoiler Alert: Going to see the movie “Saving Mr. Banks”, starring Tom Hanks is not like going to Disney World. Well, it is like going to Disney World if you go mid-August with your triplet toddlers, feed them all cotton candy, and lose your car because you forgot you parked in Pluto 7.394. It’s not a happy Disney movie.

Neuman-Rabbi-M-Gary

Stacy and George walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex-wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes spent embroiled in a detailed account of their battle only fired up their anger – and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not coming back.

The therapeutic alliance has always been about a firm connection between patient and counselor. There has always been one primary standard – physically meeting in an office setting. There might be some phone calls in between sessions or to bridge some vacation gap. But therapy has always been about a feeling of connectivity and there is no better way to do this than face-to-face.

Cindy is 43, successful, attractive, a dedicated mom, extremely caring… and she hates herself. She doesn’t readily admit this, but spend a minute inside her head and you’ll discover the resounding messages revolving around negative rants – everything from “I failed” to “I should’ve done better.” You wouldn’t know it from her behavior. She’s a high functioning, regular member of society.

As adults who were children of divorce know, healing does not occur through time alone. In fact, my research found that only 46% said they had a positive relationship with their fathers as adults.

Stacy and Michael walked out of the marriage counselor’s office angrier than when they arrived. It was their third session and this last fight over his ex wife wasn’t going away. The fifty minutes embroiled in a detailed outline of the battle only fired up their anger and the counselor’s request to remember how much they love each other wasn’t helping. It would be a week before the next session and both of them were already talking about not returning for therapy.

From the moment they stand under the chuppah, newlyweds have two years to enjoy the special bliss that new love brings. This new finding, reported by the New York Times, is based on a study undertaken by American and European researchers. 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over 15 years were followed. The research shows that after two years the couples moved into a more companionable state in their relationships.

There are millions of adults today who experienced the trauma of their parents’ divorce 20, 30, 40 or more years ago. Some have found closure, but many more have not. Regrettably, it is a time in a child’s life that is never forgotten. It stays with you; it is part of who you are.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/saving-mr-banks-is-it-possible/2014/01/17/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: