I think this last incident has pushed my faith over the edge. Did my grandparents’ generation not suffer enough? So many tenaciously held on to their emunah despite what happened to them. Why are they being subjected to more trauma and grief and torment?
Is this their reward for their unwavering loyalty to Hashem?
And what about all those daily emails I get asking that Tehillim be said for a critically ill young mother, a baalas chesed or a sick baby, or for donations for the widow of a pious Torah scholar who died prematurely, leaving behind many children? Why did they deserve this?
We were taught that a leaf does not fall down without Hashem’s knowledge and doing. If that is the case, it makes sense that we thank Hashem for all our blessings and that we have hakarat hatov for the good in our lives. On Rosh Hashanah, when the chazzan uttered the words, “…the God of Avraham, the God of Yitzchok and the God of Yaacov,” what I heard myself thinking was… “the God of Auschwitz, the God of terrorists and the God of cancer.”
I shake my head in disbelief when I hear of a 95 year old Nazi being arrested for war crimes. Why was this evil, twisted, sadist given arichat yamim, living a peaceful, no doubt prosperous life, enjoying his beer and his sausage and his grandchildren?
The pat answer is that he will be punished in the next world and the tzaddikim in this world who suffer will enjoy an eternally blissful existence in the next world.
I guess that is my problem. I don’t have the emunah to fully accept this. I am not saying it is not true – I just have my doubts – and I pray that someday I will be able to wholeheartedly and in simcha embrace the words of the Shema and unequivocally love Hashem with all my heart.
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