web analytics
March 31, 2015 / 11 Nisan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Busy Work

Schmutter-logo

Alternatively, you can write Pharaoh a stern letter:

“Dear Pharaoh,

Let my people go.

Love, Moshe.

PS – Please note the enclosed snake. It used to be a stick.”

Dear Mordechai,

My slave-driving boss just told us that from now on, we have to make our own cement. My question is this: How on earth do you make cement?

Perplexed, Deep Quicksand

Dear Perplexed,

Beats me. I think you need apples, nuts and wine.

I always just get a box in the mail.

Dear Mordechai,

I feel like I have a frog in my throat. Can you recommend a good way to get rid of it? I tried hot tea with lemon, but that just made the frog angry.

Ribbit, Ribbit

Dear Ribbit,

Well, frogs like eating flies. You can swallow a fly. On the other hand, if you feed the frog, it might decide to stay.

So my advice is that you swallow something that might actually eat a frog. What eats frogs? Maybe a hawk. And then a cat to eat the hawk. And then a dog. And so on.

If that’s too hard to swallow, we can try figuring out what else eats frogs. How about a snake?

Dear Mordechai,

Can you recommend a good way to get rid of lice? It’s all over the kingdom. I can’t believe these magicians can reincarnate dead cats, but they can’t conjure up a decent lice shampoo.

Itchy, Everywhere

Dear Itchy,

I actually don’t know what to do about lice. We’ve never had any, baruch Hashem. (I know, I know: “Who’s Hashem?”)

My kids’ yeshiva has nit checks every year, and they charge for it, because making sure the entire student body doesn’t contract vermin is somehow a bonus service that doesn’t fall under regular tuition. But they do this two days before school starts, so I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do if they find lice. Maybe we have two days to find a new school that allows it.

But thanks anyway for sending me this question, in an envelope that I’m afraid to touch.

Dear Mordechai,

My entire town just got hit by a major blackout. Was it something I did? What should I do? What did our forefathers do before light was invented? Do you know where I can buy yahrtzeit candles? Should I eat everything in the freezer? I did, and now I can’t move. Literally. All I can do is stand here and think of questions. What was that noise? I feel like I’m in the dark.

Pondering, Exact Location Unknown

Dear Pondering,

I’d send you some answers, but I don’t know how you’re planning to read them.

Dear Mordechai,

Our slaves just left. What do we do? We haven’t done a thing for ourselves in 210 years.

Starving, Exact Location Unknown

Dear Starving,

Actually, I hear the astrologers might be looking for work.

“Really? You can’t predict that if we enslave the Jews, we’re going to be hit by ten plagues? Can you predict that I’m going to fire you?”

Maybe you should take out an ad:

“SLAVES WANTED: Powerful nation seeks several “can do” individuals for intense manual labor, including busy work, heavy lifting, cleaning, and filing tax returns. Some experience preferred. No salary, so must be able to obtain college credit. Must have own cement.

But I wouldn’t suggest running this ad in The Jewish Press.

Got a question for “You’re Asking Me?” No? Well, maybe you’ll find it while Pesach cleaning.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Busy Work”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
One-third of polled Republicans see President Obama as the biggest imminent threat to the USA.
One-Third of GOP Voters See Obama Worse for US than Assad and Putin
Latest Sections Stories
Food-Talk---Eller-logo

While we are all accustomed to the occasional recipe substitutions – swapping milk for creamer, applesauce for oil – gluten-free cooking is a whole different ballgame.

Something-Cooking-logo

Until the year I decided to put a stop to all my tremors. I realized that if I wanted my family to experience Pesach and its preparations as uplifting and fulfilling, I’d have to relax and loosen up.

Teens-032715

David looked up. “Hatzlacha, Dina,” he smiled. “I hope everything goes well.”

In 1756, when the ominous threat of Islamic terror against Jews reached Tunis as well, Friha became one of its tragic victims.

Are we allowed to lie for shalom bayis? It would seem so, but what might be a healthy guideline for when it’s okay and when it’s not?

The connection between what I experienced as a high school teenager and the adult I am today did not come easy to me.

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

Jack was awarded a blue and gold first-place trophy, appropriately topped off with a golden bee.

Participating in ManiCures during the school day may feel like a break from learning, but the intended message to the students was loud and clear. Learning and chesed come in all forms, and can be fun.

Building campaign chairman Jack Gluck has led the effort over many years.

When using an extension cord always make sure to use the correct rated extension cord.

There was no question that when Mrs. Cohen entered the room to meet the teacher she was hostile from the outset.

Szold was among the founders and leaders (she served on its executive committee) of Ichud (“Unity”), a political group that campaigned against the creation of an independent, sovereign Jewish state in Eretz Yisrael.

My friend is a strong and capable Jewish woman, but she acted with a passivity that seemed out of character.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-031315

So generally, I dance for a few minutes and then stand off to the side with all the other people who don’t dance and feel like they have to make conversation, even though that’s when the music is the loudest.

Schmutter-021315

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/busy-work/2013/03/08/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: