web analytics
December 21, 2014 / 29 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Clean Jokes

Schmutter-030912

The cleaning itself is okay, though.

Dear Mordechai,

My neighbors have been telling me that they already started cooking for Pesach. Should I be worried?

E.H., Edison, NJ

Dear E., Yes, definitely. OCD is not a joke, and you should definitely be sensitive to their condition. As far as your own situation, it’s an 8-day holiday, and you’re allowed to cook on most of it. How much can you eat, really? Apparently, some people do nothing on Pesach but sit around and eat for 8 days straight. “Keep eating. I was cooking for 2 months, and no one is going to want to eat this once Pesach is over!”

Dear Mordechai,

My kindergartener is having something in school called a “chometz party,” for which we’re supposed to send in any foods that we need to get rid of. There’s nothing I need to get rid of that I have enough of for 25 kids. Should I go out and buy something?

C.K., Far Rockaway

Dear C.,

That’s a great question, because all the things that are appropriate to send to a party – cookies, pretzels, and crackers, for example – are not hard to eat up on your own, mindlessly, while rooting around to find something chometzdik to get rid of. So what should you send in? Cereal? Oatmeal packets? Hot dog buns? Breadcrumbs? I’d suggest making the breadcrumbs into chicken cutlets and sending those in. That’ll go well with the kid who’s bringing in macaroni salad.

Got a question for “You’re Asking Me?” Feel free to send it in. But don’t be surprised if it’s all crumbs when it gets here.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Clean Jokes”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Tekuma MKs Uri Ariel, Orit Strook and Zevulun Kalfa at a meeting Saturday night.
Jewish Home Unity Overcomes the ’Yesha Faction’
Latest Sections Stories
Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

South-Florida-logo

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

You children will build the country and you will help restore Israel to her former glory.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-121214

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Schmutter-111414-Bed

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/clean-jokes/2012/03/09/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: