Photo Credit: Asher Shwartz

{Reposted from the Satirical Site, PreOccupied Territory}

Gaza City, July 13 – Gradual abandonment of a hundred years of Arab campaigns to dislodge Jews from their ancestral homeland has produced numerous far-reaching effects, such as stagnation for those who continue to reject the Jewish State, widespread Arab reconciliation with Israel, and promising new vistas of cooperation in regional trade, defense, and scientific endeavors – as well as, at least among hardline Palestinians, the realization that they must adapt their pursuit hitherto of propelling those Jews into the sea as promised in 1948 to more realistic methods, with the latest possibility involving a security breach of a popular driving-directions app to trick Israelis into driving themselves into the sea.


Israel’s growing military prowess, coupled with Arab-Palestinian incompetence, corruption, and infighting, long ago rendered toothless the threat from its neighbors to “drive the Jews into the sea,” a battle cry that carried more credibility and valence when the nascent Israel found itself outnumbered, out-equipped, and outgunned. Two armed Palestinian uprisings in the last forty years, plus other sporadic waves of terrorism, have similarly failed to make a dent in, let alone reverse, the sturdiness and prosperity of Israel.

Despite dogged adherence to the rejectionist approach – to admit error or defeat is to invite unbearable shame – Palestinian strategists have made attempts to adjust their methods: car ramming attacks; stabbing sprees; rockets – but the growth and success of Israel in the face of – and some argue because of – such violence has prompted a reassessment of direct violence as an effective means to achieve driving the Jews into the sea. Instead, those strategists have developed the beginnings of a newer method that leverages Israelis’ reliance on Waze to guide them toward their automotive destinations.

Now bought out by tech giant Google, Waze began as an Israeli startup; the poetry of the history is not lost on the proposal’s proponents. They hope to engage the assistance and technical knowledge of the Islamic Republic of Iran in bankrolling and developing a hack that will reprogram Israeli Waze users’ devices to cause all the vehicle operators to drive into the sea on their own – finally fulfilling the 1948 promise of Arab leaders that they and all of Israel’s enemies ever since have repeatedly failed to approach fulfilling.

“We just need to find the right way to fool users,” boasted program initiator Fashla Fadiha. “But it shouldn’t be a problem. We’ve been inside Israelis’ heads forever, always knowing exactly how they’ll react to our moves and our intimidation, which is why we’ve been so successful at resistance until now.”


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