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You Zionists Are Trying To Kidnap What We Arabs Have Rightfully Stolen

Florin from the Princess Bride visits (in words) the Kingdom of the Jews

Only Possible Conclusion From Unpopularity Of Party’s Ideas: Voters Stupid

“Essentially, the people are wrong for thinking Palestinians trying to kill us means we shouldn’t give Palestinians greater capacity to kill us,” explained Chairwoman Zahava Gal-On.

Lapid Worried He Bombed Gaza Too Long Before Election To Affect Vote

The silence of his left-wing partners and the sympathetic media challenges his efforts to link himself to the operation in the minds of potential voters.

Amusement Park Admits: Overbooked Group Visits Just To Ruin Your Family’s Trip

“Frustration for a family that has to wade through throngs of misbehaving day-campers just to miss a shot at a bad stuffed imitation of a popular animated character… that’s what it’s all about.”

Family Makes Aliyah Just To Escape All-Pervasive Christmas Music

While acknowledging Zionism in their upbringings, they talked mainly of getting the hell out of the discordant dystopia.

My New Job: Running Nursing Homes And Girls’ Schools For The NY Jewish Community

Every man needs purpose, and I believe I have found a purpose that will propel me to my next pursuit: management of eldercare facilities and hands-on administration of female educational institutions for the Jews of this great state.

Gov’t Runs Out Of Ways To Explain Ban On Temple Mount Jewish Prayer Without...

“If we do our jobs and have to face the violent mob, people might get killed and we might lose our jobs, which would be the biggest tragedy of all.”

Islamic Leaders Worried They May Have Missed A Jewish Shrine To Appropriate

A development that threatens the absolute nature of Islam’s inevitable dominance in Islamist theology.

Police Suggest Jews Wear Special Yellow Stars For Protection

Spotting Jews will become a matter of seconds, rather than having to ask around, which can waste precious minutes during an altercation in which a Jew might defend himself.

Everything You Don’t Like Now Called Apartheid

Following HRW expansion of the term’s application, things that are Apartheid now include lawn maintenance and jelly-filled donuts.

Gaza Mourns 6′ Tall, Bearded Kindergartener Killed By Israel

He met his end in a tunnel that IAF jets pounded with bombs the Thursday night before last, along with six other Palestinian toddlers in their twenties

Police Assure Lod Jews Pogrom Anti-Zionist, NOT Antisemitic

"All the unrest you have experienced this week is merely anti-Zionist, and you may therefore unburden yourselves of the anxiety over antisemitism.”
The Temple as seen in the Holyland Model of Jerusalem, a 21,520 sq. ft., 1:50 scale-model of the city of Jerusalem in the late Second Temple Period.

Ahashverosh Enlists J-Street To Oppose Temple Reconstruction

In honor of SHushan Purim: Ben-Ami’s organization rose to combat the common misperception that the Jews give monolithic support to their own redemption and restoration.

God Fails To Get J Street’s Approval Before Promising Land To Jacob

Ben-Ami insisted that American Jewry in general, but especially his organization, must have a say in what happens from "the River of Egypt to the River Euphrates."

Palestinians Hoping Biden Will Remind Jews Not To Be So Goddamn Sovereign

“If the Jews of Israel want to live a normal existence, they have to forfeit the security that everyone needs in order to live a normal existence.”

Khamenei Disappointed Not To Be Named Part Of Biden Transition Team

The Ayatollah grew to think he established almost a birthright to shape US Iran policy during the Obama administration.

Man Torn Between Wanting Return To Normal And Having Excuse Not To Go To...

“I’m not looking forward to when things open up and my wife starts asking why I’m not going.”

Hamas Asks, ‘What Point Of Sukkah If Not To Keep Weapons Near Kids?’

“You don’t exploit that crowded situation to turn the wife, kids, and sisters into human shields? What kind of warped thinking is that?

NGOs Could Swear Palestinian Veto of Arab-Israel Normalization Enshrined In Law

“It’s all political, and if an Arab country wants to normalize, they can just do it? That can’t be.”

Israelis Can’t Wait To Spread Obnoxious Tourist Reputation To UAE, Oman, Bahrain

Israeli travelers took to focusing on what they do best while out of the country: making themselves and their countrymen look like spoiled, whiny, provincial ingrates.

Jews Worthy Of Third Temple For Centuries Already; Bureaucracy, Contractor Delaying Work

"certain unnamed contractors who continue to claim they need fees to cover various zoning variances and building permits for the Third Temple and other, associated facilities, when in fact no such fees were stipulated in the contract.”

COVID Guidelines Almost As Coherent As Case For Palestinian Statehood

“We find slightly more support for the idea that Israel should rely on existential enemies to help guarantee its security.”


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