Love For Barbara
During the course of over 140 chapters of her “Dementia Diary” series, Barbara Diamond invited us into her life as she chronicled how she cared for her ailing husband. The series concluded a couple weeks ago.
The series resonated with many of our readers, some of whom wrote to Barbara to express their appreciation and feelings. We print four such letters below.
Dear Barbara,
Your precise description in this chapter brought tears to my eyes as I re-lived this painful episode in my life, three times over. It’s truly hell for both the patient and the caregiver.
My stepfather had dementia and had to be placed on a ventilator for other issues, and spent the last two years of his life in the nursing home in agony.
He died when he was 99 years old.
My mother had cognitive impairment, but knew what was going on, though she became very difficult in her later years. She too passed away at the ripe old age of 99.
My husband had many health issues, including TIA, and died from glioblastoma, the worst kind of brain cancer possible. The doctor told me there were three options, none of them good. My husband ended up in a hospice for the last four months of his life, with me beside his bed the entire time. He was 89.
It was my responsibility to see that everything possible was done for them and make all the life-and-death decisions I was faced with on my own. No one can possibly understand what this is like unless you lived through it. All the years of caregiving and decision-making consumed my life, but I wouldn’t do it any other way.
Perhaps now you can understand why I am so concerned about my future.
I am aging fast and my energy is fading. I feel I lost so much time in my life, and there is still so much I would like to do and enjoy. The best advice my doctor offered was “do the best you can.” I, too, would like to stay in my home, and left instructions not to extend my life at all costs. The best advice I can offer is make sure all your affairs are in order – will, estate plan, healthcare proxy, advanced care directive, and power of attorney. As you probably learned by experience, no matter how good your home care is, someone still has to be in charge, so make sure you have someone you can truly trust.
The best I can wish you is good health till the end, and you should never have to be reliant on anyone, especially your children.
Name withheld upon request
July 2025
Dear Barbara,
I recently read in The Jewish Press about the loss of your dear Hubby. I have followed your column for quite a while, being able to identify with the challenges of a family member who has dementia. A number of years back, my father was diagnosed with dementia, and as you described your life with Hubby, I could identify.
I want to say I felt the love, the compassion, and the respect you gave to your husband, albeit at times with difficulty. Your description of living with someone with dementia should serve as a role model for those who are dealing with loved ones whose behaviors are sometimes perplexing, difficult, and challenging.
Hatzlacha as you move forward in your life without Hubby, and may his memory be a source of blessing for you and your family.
Robin Denison
Miami, Fla.
April 2025
Dear Barbara,
It is late here in New Jersey. I save your articles for a peaceful moment before I sleep. Hubby is a doctor who keeps practicing in his mind although he has been retired since 2020. He is 93 years of age and suffering from dementia. While the above article deals with your hubby’s “sleep,” for me the most telling comments were your relating the scammer story and your reference to the loneliness of the caregiver-spouse chained to a spouse who can no longer participate in the marriage, the terrible responsibility for the well-being of an aging spouse, whose life depends upon you.
I am, myself, in the final stage of life – in short, old and, at times, bitterly resentful. Not a day goes by, however, that my husband does not say “I love you.” He has also said: “I know you a long time. Are you a former tenant?” This is dementia.
With warm regards,
Lainie Fastman
January 2025
Dear Barbara,
Thank you, thank you, thank you. What a beautiful ending to the Dementia Diary series. You so exquisitely expressed in words all the emotions we are feeling yet are reluctant to talk about for fear of the awkward responses they elicit and even more so, because we don’t want pity. Therefore, we remain silent in our bereavement. Yes, there are private tears, loneliness, and anguish we have to deal with, and it’s part of the healing process. There has to be a physical and emotional regeneration before we are ready to rejoin life.
Personally, I needed the space to get my head together. I refused Shabbat dinner offers from strangers where I would feel utterly uncomfortable, preferring to stay home and enjoy my quiet routine in peace. I love to read and use the time to catch up on my reading, absorbing wisdom from others who are more knowledgeable than I in many subjects. It’s also a good time for introspection.
It’s been nine years since my dear husband passed away. There have been many rough patches along the way, but there have been joyous moments as well that I would have loved to share with him.
A few months after he was gone, I became very ill and felt I would die.
I prayed to G-d that I would accept whatever His decision was, but after all the years dedicated to caring for others, it would be nice to have a few years just for myself. I made the most of that gift in any way I could.
Now, I am entering a new phase in life, demanding many adjustments.
Old age is exhausting and a full-time job, and everything takes much longer. Life has to be lived, so we push on.
Thank you for sharing your wedding picture; it’s always nice to attach a face to the written words. I was right – you are a beautiful lady in more ways than one. You have quite impressive credentials you can be proud of as well as your many accomplishments. I saved many of your articles and read every one of them. I would appreciate if you would include me in the mailing list as I am looking forward to future articles. The War Diaries are especially relevant and informative. Keep them coming; hopefully, soon they will no longer be needed.
Thank you for listening.
Best wishes,
Eva
July 2025
Tremendous Progress In Trump’s First Six Months
An editorial in the July 18 issue of The Jewish Press, “What Drives Trump’s Support For Israel?,” concludes that the main factor is mutual military and national interests, and not superficial flattery. Trump is immensely popular in Israel, more so than in America. A leader’s effectiveness and influence are determined by his ability to get his programs passed. Thus, Trump’s other accomplishments also impact his actions toward Israel and the Jews, so it is important to examine his overall performance.
Trump has accomplished more in his first six months than most U.S. presidents have in their entire four-year terms. Against fierce opposition by an entrenched American bureaucracy, a hostile media and academia, and even assassination attempts, he has already pushed through sweeping domestic and foreign policies.
In the foreign arena, Trump has turned around the previous administration’s spineless relationship with Arab terrorist groups and Iran proxies, including the funding of Iran’s nuclear program to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars. Instead, Trump, in concert with Israel, started to dismantle the network consisting of Iran and its proxies Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis, and Syrian forces. Hezbollah and Syrian influence have at least for the time being been almost completely eliminated as threats, and Trump has seriously blunted Hamas, the main aggressor in Iran’s terrorist ambitions.
While there are still no permanent solutions in sight, there has at least been a halt to their previously unchecked expansion. The same with Iran’s nuclear ambition, which has been delayed, although not eliminated. At least now, some time has been bought to continue to diminish the terrorists’ influence and search for more enduring solutions. And also to continue to expand the Abraham Accords without the pressure of imminent potential catastrophe.
In the domestic arena, Trump’s success in foreign affairs was also a great aid in enabling him to tackle America’s suddenly strained relationship with its Jewish citizens. In essence, a whole generation of Americans have been brought up in an environment where all forms of information being fed to them were slanted far-left and antisemitic. In Trump’s first six months, he has taken on, head-on, the issue of combating the antisemitism running rampant in the academic community, in the media, and the entertainment industry. Trump also abruptly stopped a tsunami-like invasion by millions of illegal immigrants who inundated American cities with catastrophic crime, drugs, and economic crises.
In sum, these successes are important in enabling Trump to also influence American policy towards Israel and the Jews.
The Jewish Press editorial cited above also mentioned that Bibi has nominated Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize. In a less polarized environment, Trump would definitely at least be considered for one because of his stunning accomplishments, but he probably won’t. This is in stark contrast to Barack Obama who won the Nobel Peace Prize merely on rhetoric and before any real accomplishments.
It remains to be seen what Trump will do in the remaining three-and-a-half years of his mandate. His detractors await them filled with doom and gloom. His supporters, like myself, await them with great anticipation, and are thankful that his opponents aren’t in power now.
Max Wisotsky
Highland Park, N.J.
How To End The Madness
How did we get to the point where wealth can be both praised and ostracized in the same breath? How can calls for global human rights and global jihad be uttered by the same party? How is censoring and stifling the other party’s works not a book ban? All these questions and more can be answered by the simple fact that liberals have spent years of goodwill, bandwidth, time, money and energy resisting Trump. That’s the Democratic party line: “Resist, resist, resist!”
Ever pull a resistance band too hard? It snaps. That’s the sad state of affairs for the Democrats today. Anything goes so long as it’s critical of the President. Wealth? It’s “koshered” with donations to the right causes. Terrorism? It doesn’t exist if you say the right talking points about “white colonialism.” Book bans? Only if it’s Dr. Seuss or Ben Shapiro. It’s no wonder then that California billionaires are celebrated, jihad supporters are mainstream politicians, and antisemitism is used as a sword and a shield. When a suspect is not white, they are still categorized as white. Yet when they are discriminated against, suddenly people “other” the Jews. The effect is that the ball is hidden and attacks against Jews are discounted.
How do we counter the madness? In Sefer Devarim, Moshe implores the Jewish people to appoint leaders to learn the laws of the Torah from. Moshe also warns the Jews what will happen if they don’t listen, rachmana litzlan. Finally, Moshe begs the Jews to do teshuva. Let us set role models for ourselves, understand the consequences of our actions, and also repent for our past misdeeds. In this zechus, Hashem will “remember” His covenant with us and rejoice with us much like He did with our forefathers. In the midst of this madness, there is hope for the future.
Chaim Yehuda Meyer
Brooklyn, N.Y.
