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Dear Rachel,

There’s lots of talk about the sensitivity of older singles and how they should handle comments that inevitably come their way about how “picky” they are or how they ought to lower their expectations or alter their priority list.


There is another class of “singles” who get badgered about their status. “You know, you really should seriously consider getting married again…” followed by a suggestion of that “nice elderly gentleman who apparently passed up his chance in his younger years.”

Yes, I am talking about the almanah. How do I make a convincing argument that I have no interest in marrying anyone, no matter how fantastic, rich or good looking he is? Why do people assume I am lonely and needy? At this point in my life I prefer to live with my wonderful memories. For company I have close friends and relatives, besides my children and grandchildren whom I can visit at my leisure.

Hashem has blessed me in more ways than I can count. Nothing lasts forever and I couldn’t replace my late husband if I tried. I can sure use some advice on how to tactfully say thanks but no thanks to well-intentioned people.

Alone but not lonely


Dear Alone,

I hear you loud and clear. You’ve certainly convinced me. That aside, I’m sure you can understand that it is human nature and the way of the world to feel sorry for the “lonely” widow.

You are fortunate to have been blessed with good years and nachas from children. Additionally, you are obviously comfortable in your own skin, with your own company, and don’t feel the need for constant companionship.

Based on your letter, I can’t see you being at a loss for words when confronted about a possible shidduch. You can simply say you’ve been there and done that, and that at this point in your life you cherish your privacy and down time. Only you can ultimately decide what is good for you.

I wish you many more healthy and good years. You are indeed never alone for Hashem is always with you. Contentment is the key to happiness. Good for you!


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