Run, Dater, Run
A guy who immediately suggests that you change in order to meet their approval is not someone you can keep in your life.
Dear Dr. Yael
It is important to understand why some children struggle with stealing and lying so you can handle these situations appropriately and help your son navigate what he may be feeling.
Dear Dr. Yael,
A toxic friend will not be happy for you when something good happens to you or when you get something new. Someone who truly loves you will celebrate your happiness. Toxic friends do not.
Insta Dates
The goal of dating is to get to know someone better, to build a relationship, to get engaged, and to iy”H get married. This should mostly be an insular experience between two people. Yet, we live in a world that loves to share and impress.
Dear Dr. Yael
We must all prioritize our time and be sensitive to others. During the time that we are working on ahavas chinam, let us all try to work harder on not ignoring others when we are with them and really being present, without the distraction of a phone.
For Everything, There is a Time
You had this upcoming year planned, and part of that included dating. Now you worry that this might not be the correct decision. Should time be factored into your hope to date and if so when would it be right?
Dear Dr. Yael
If we really are living in the times of Mashiach, how can we think Mashiach can possibly come when even Orthodox Jews do not treat each other well?
Pop That Bubble!
In some way every student comes home a bit changed – hopefully improved, and ready to tackle a new and exciting time in life. Sometimes that change is more significant, more obvious to our family and friends – perhaps in the way we dress, speak, or in a newfound commitment to Torah study.
Dear Dr. Yael
It takes a certain sensitivity to do marital therapy. The therapist should try to put themselves in the client’s shoes and try to be careful not to open up issues that the couple will have to live with later and not have the tools to deal with.
Beauty and the Regular-Looking Guy
You see your date’s internal beauty and you are not bothered by a lack of the typical commercial good looks we are taught to value. But you worry that you will be influenced by the subtle judgment you expect from those that know you.
Dear Dr. Yael
Even though my parents tried so hard to be amazing parent, my sister just understood me better.
The Clock
Strengthen your relationship with Hashem. Daven, connect, and bolster your emunah. Ask Hashem for what you want, ask for the strength and the wisdom to recognize what is right for you, and make sure your connection is real and sure.
Dear Dr. Yael
Of all the things that we can give our children, self-esteem is the most important.
Man of Measure
You don’t need a girl who see you and sees short. You need a girl who sees you and understands that you are everything she ever hoped for.
Dear Dr. Yael
Being a people-pleaser is not necessarily a bad thing, but it becomes difficult when you feel you have to avoid conflict at all costs.
Dear Dr. Yael
Women are generally more sensitive and astute and the fact that you seem happier and more vibrant may be upsetting to your daughters. Perhaps, they were Daddy's girls, so this is hard for them to see.
Adulting
In the beginning, perhaps you appreciated the input and research your parents offered, but now things have changed. You are less reliant on their suggestions and opinions and trust yourself to make good dating choices.
Dear Dr. Yael
Maybe it was true! Maybe they only loved me because of all the joy that I give them. Maybe they don't really love me for myself!
Old Soul
While marriage is holy and beautiful, it is also a huge responsibility. It is a parents’ duty to make sure that their child is physically, emotionally, and mentally prepared for this lifetime commitment.
Dear Dr. Yael
It is best to make lifestyle changes and seek guidance from health care practitioners on how to deal with the weight issues in your life and your family's life.
Groundhog Dating
I’m sure you are a wonderful guy, and clearly, you are not to blame for the uneven balance of our dating system where girls seem to be the underdogs. You want to date right, but there is a limit on the excitement you can conjure when every date feels so similar.
Dear Dr. Yael
If earworms are causing you significant distress it is important to seek professional help. This could be a sign of underlying anxiety or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
Pride And Prejudice
More likely, the shadchanim and your family and friends are making valuable suggestions that your ego refuses to consider.
Dear Dr. Yael
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing, if you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune, if you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.
But What Will People Think?
We forget to look in the mirror to acknowledge our beauty and successes, and instead, open every window to let in our failures and disappointments.
Dear Dr. Yael
Keeping a journal has also been found to be helpful in remediating homesickness. When writing, it’s important that your daughter focus on the positive and all of the fun that she is experiencing.
No Regrets
If your parents are not the right resource right now, find someone who is. This can be a Rebbetzin, an aunt, a close family friend, or a therapist. It’s true that many kallahs feel nervous after getting engaged and it is possible that you are simply one of them.
Dear Dr. Yael
Prioritizing other people‘s needs can lead to burn out and neglecting your own emotional and physical well-being.
Past, Present, Future
We tell ourselves every day that mistakes define us and shape us and in turn they hold us back from improvement and change. But what if you ate the cake, enjoyed it, but ultimately decided that it was not in your best interest?
Dear Dr. Yael
Dedicating small mitzvos you do in your father’s memory can also be helpful. It doesn't have to be large things. Every mitzvah can be something special for your father.
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