Marriage and Relationships

Your inability to see past a picture, a number (both height and weight!) your impudence over color preference, and your arrogance in creating a Ken doll just for you, will leave you not only without a date, or mate, but a future based on Torah values.

Dear Dr. Yael: I have an issue and it is causing problems in my marriage. The home I grew up was not a warm one and I never received much love. For that reason, showing love to others is difficult for me – and for my husband. He is a warm and caring person and does not deserve my lack of affection. While I am working hard to change, I was wondering if you could offer some suggestions that might be helpful to both him and me. Anonymous

If all of us recognize that any oversights or unintended slights are just that, a huge step toward practicing ahavas Yisrael would be taken.

Finding a therapist is like finding a shidduch.

You are in a difficult position. While I commend your commitment to meeting new people by attending events, the lack of a matchmaker seems to ultimately be slowing you down.

I know that we have little control in our life other than how we will handle the challenges that Hashem gives us. We can only work on ourselves.

Dear Dr. Respler: I wish to share with your readers and you what I did to enhance my marriage through the use of your suggested...

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Building up your self-confidence, your self-love, and your self-acceptance is paramount before you go on your first date.

Due to her family situation, it is understandable that she will have more responsibilities than other girls her age, but she would benefit from having some free time and receiving more appreciation for her hard work.

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While I can give you tips on how to do this, it appears that you already have created a good, loving, and fun life where you give to others and you have close relationships.

Dear Mordechai, Our marriage has gotten stale. It’s not that we don’t love each other, but with the kids and everything else there seems to never be any time for my husband and me. I’m sure we’re not the only ones but we need some real help. What can we do and how can we go about making time for our marriage. Everyone says “just make time” but that never seems to work.

Dear Dr. Yael: As a reader of all of your columns on hakaras hatov, here are my feelings as a child with loving parents.

Your self-awareness and your ability to worry over their influence will only aid you in this process.

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You may think you said “I do” to just one person on your wedding day, but the reality of married life is that you actually vowed to honor several people. Marriage comes with new challenges; some of which you had no idea were waiting for you.

Leah’s father yawned and sat up and banged a hand on the dashboard. This car, zul’n zein a kapara – should be an atonement for all my sins.

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Women don't often realize they are being abused, especially if the abuse is emotional rather than physical.

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I stared over at Binyamin. Not that long ago I had cared for him, Shaindy, not deeply or passionately, but enough to look forward to his coming home, enough to worry about his health and well-being. Had he ever cared about me?

The first step is recognizing that someone is not a good friend for you, which you seem to have noticed, at least on some level. Even if this friend is supportive at times, you should never feel that a friend is trying to destroy your self-esteem.

It is important for a therapist to focus on a person's strengths as a way of overcoming his or her difficulties.

Mirroring is a good way to start actively listening. To mirror, you simply paraphrase or repeat back to your spouse what he or she is saying to you.

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How could they have just sent him back with a warning?

Dear Anonymous: Thank you for your amazing letter. I wish you hatzlachah in your new marriage, and may your letter bring more sensitivity to others regarding this issue.

It is disturbing that so many boys and girls continue to be careless with their casual chatter about the people they have dated.

Dear Dr. Respler: I am, Baruch Hashem, a healthy mother and grandmother who was recently trying to be helpful to my married daughter. After Shabbos my daughter, who has a large family, had many dishes piled in the sink. I planned on rinsing the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher, and then straightening up downstairs while she put her younger children to sleep. Aware of my plans my daughter, who loves me and means well, said, “Ma, please don’t work so hard. I will put the children to sleep, and then I can clean up and load the dishwasher quickly. I will do it quicker than you, and I want you to relax.” I was hurt. I know that she really wanted me to take it easy, but suddenly I felt like an old, useless woman. Do you think my daughter was right? How can I tell her how I feel without hurting her? My husband and I are planning to move in with my daughter, son-in-law and their children for Pesach. We always enjoy going there, but I do not feel good when I cannot be useful. I would like to help my daughter over Pesach, and would feel better if she allowed me to help her. Please advise me. A Healthy Grandmother