Dear Dr. Yael
Someone close to us knew that you were good at saving marriages and begged us to give therapy one last chance,
Dear Dr. Yael
I have a few friends who I believe are literally pushing their bashert away for ridiculous reasons.
Fairness Among Siblings
While understanding the situation will hopefully make it easier for you to handle it, it is important to speak with your mother - respectfully - about what is bothering you.
Dear Dr. Yael,
I don’t want you to minimize the devotion that your mother demonstrates to her family. Closeness and devotion are very important. As Jewish mothers we all struggle with some degree of enmeshment.
Powerball
You have been blessed. Hashem has offered you your zivug on the first try and the parts of ourselves that fight the brachos in our lives are trying to offer you doubt when there should only be joy.
Recognizing The Signs Of Abuse
Psychologist David Richo defines love in terms of five A's: appreciation, affection, attentiveness (listening), acceptance and allowing (as in allowing others the freedom to fulfill their own dreams). Love is the opposite of control.
How Do I Know That He Is THE ONE?
There are three categories that must be met before a couple can decide if they (with Hashem’s help) could make a happy life together.
Your Opinion Matters! (Just Not To Me)
Sometimes, we need guidance and counsel. Sometimes, we can benefit greatly from advice. Yet, there are times however, when too many voices only cause chaos and pain.
Marital Roles (Conclusion)
Are you the kind of spouse that dominates your partner by finding everything “major”? Consider the following to help you have some insight into whether this description is true of you or your spouse:
The State Of Orthodox Singles? It’s Complicated
On the question whether singles felt that the Orthodox system of dating was going well, Nishma found that most singles had an unfavorable view.
The Power Of Love (Part I)
Marriage is not like every other human relationship. It brings two incompatible people together for the purpose of healing and growth. The degree of healing and growth will depend on many factors. One such factor is the ability to give love. Love is the foundation of married life. Even though many people talk about it, there is a great deal of doubt as to whether they really know how to give love.
Part 2 – Pleasure vs. Happiness in Marriage
If you would like to know if your marriage is relationship centered or not, the way to find out is to ask yourself about your core values. For example, what is the most important principle of your marriage? Is it your desire for money or pleasure? Do you dream about being comfortable, being honored by your spouse and having a lot of fun?
Seeking Help From Abuse
You obviously made the right decision to leave your mentally ill and emotionally abusive husband.
Marital Roles (Third Of Five Parts)
I know that most people will look at the list below and ask, “C’mon, who does this kind of thing in their marriage?” The answer is, couples that want to be happily married and fight less.
Dear Dr. Yael
To us it sounded like a reasonable plan and though her principal thought we were being naive, she acquiesced to our wishes.
Party With Care
There is always safety in numbers. Travel with a friend or two and agree to look out for one another and to travel back to your homes together at the end of the evening.
Emunas Hashem And Camp HASC
JetBlue flew an empty aircraft from Boston to JFK to assist us. The care and concern of the flight attendants was amazing. They were astounded by our group, so much so that at the end of the flight, the captain related for all to hear that he was truly impressed by the care that the HASC counselors provided for the special-needs campers – all of whom have physical, mental, or emotional disabilities. We did our best to demonstrate a true kiddush Hashem.
Part 11 – 10 Commandments of Communication
Some people are natural communicators. They know how to get across their point of view without damaging their relationship. Others (probably most of us) need some guidance on where to focus and what to steer clear of.
Beyond The Picket Fence
At a wedding, I sit across from a woman I don't know.
"What's your name?" she asks me.
"Alanna Fine," I say, choosing to introduce myself with my maiden name.
"And what's your maiden name?" she asks me.
"That is my maiden name."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a sheitel on your head."
"It is. I'm divorced."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"It's ok," I reply, knowing it won't be the last time I hear that.
Past, Present, Future
We tell ourselves every day that mistakes define us and shape us and in turn they hold us back from improvement and change. But what if you ate the cake, enjoyed it, but ultimately decided that it was not in your best interest?
Defying Differences
While a shared background might make things easier, it doesn’t mean that it is the only way.
Dear Dr. Yael
They found that sharing similar personality traits does not necessarily mean that a relationship will be more satisfying; however, perceiving that you are more similar will usually predict more satisfaction in a relationship.
Coronavirus Cancellation
Surely, we were close. Yet, again we drove and after circling and then circling again, we found ourselves back at-nowhere.
The Fear Of Abandonment (Part I)
The fear of abandonment, also known as autophobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by an acute fear of being alone. Often, one of the symptoms of this particular anxiety is a strong need to be in control. This is because one has previously lost someone close through separation, divorce or death and may unconsciously blames his or herself for the event. When this happens, any type of separation may traumatize the person, even the marriage of his or her own child can be viewed as a life-threatening event.
Part 18 – Conflict Resolution
No matter how couples try to make sure everything in their lives is perfect, at some point they may experience conflict in their marriage. Conflict is not as dramatic as it sounds. In marriage, independent of how much you love someone, you may have differing ideas about money or education, preferences, or various special activities you both want to do.
Dear Dr. Yael
If the daughter-in-law learns to change her reaction and validates the criticism in a positive way, the mother-in-law will likely not know how to respond.
Answer My Prayers
Some people view dating like they would, sitting in traffic, or a in a parking lot. They believe you need to wholly focus on dating and getting married, and once you have accomplished that, you can expand and grow. So, they go to work and come home.
Big Bash
Your best friend got married last year. She was tremendously blessed to find her zivug during such a difficult time. She likely understands this and has made peace with the small wedding she had or has planned for bigger celebrations in the future.