Dear Dating Coach,
I am going out with someone pretty seriously and everything was going really well. I felt like he was the one. But on our last date, he told me that he made some questionable choices when he was a teenager, and I am feeling conflicted. Right now, our goals and beliefs align perfectly, but do I just forget that he had this really rough patch? He did things then that I absolutely don’t agree with, and behaved in a way that definitely does not match the hashkafa that matters so much to me. I believe he is who he says he is now, but I’m not sure what to do with the person that he was…
My Type
Dear Type,
There is a big piece of chocolate cake for the taking. It just sits there on the counter, icing slowly dripping down its sides and the smell is amazing. The cake is not meant for you. It is off limits. Yet, you see the cake. You want the cake. You eat the cake. You are weak. You are bad. You are a failure. The scenario repeats itself day after day. Some people eat the cake and some walk away knowing that it isn’t meant for them, it isn’t good for them, or they simply don’t want cake. They are strong. They are good. They are a success.
We tell ourselves every day that mistakes define us and shape us and in turn they hold us back from improvement and change.
But what if you ate the cake, enjoyed it, but ultimately decided that it was not in your best interest?
What if you made the soul-searching, depth-defying, life-changing decision to make positive, informed, and meaningful choices? Will you forever be marked by the path you once took?
Mistake Don’t DEFINE Us. They REFINE us
Instead, let us recognize the strength, the authenticity, and the effort it takes to make real change. The dedication, perseverance, and the verve it requires to acknowledge mistakes and to become better because of them. This does not discount those that have never veered off course, but it allows us to acknowledge the value of a person who lives with real growth.
You have been given a gift. You have met a person who will fill your life with holiness and their powerful connection to Hashem. Thank him for his honesty and instead of being worried, be impressed. This is someone who fought and won. Continue to date him until your heart can fully believe this to be the truth, and then be rest assured that your home will be imbued with the goodness of the soul you have attached yours to.
