Photo Credit: Social media
Turkey's President Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

{Originally posted to the satirical website, PreOccupied Territory}

Ankara, July 18 – Frustrated members of the shadowy Jewish conspiracy that runs the world admitted today that they took a back seat to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan in planning the false-flag attempt to depose him over the weekend.

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Insiders among the Elders of Zion told reporters today that while Erdoğan, at his own insistence, successfully planned and managed the operation to make it seem a coup was taking place, and then exploited those developments to seize even tighter control of the country than before, his handling of the execution betrayed the hand of a relative amateur, compared to the elegant, seamless way in which Conspiracy activities through the generations have been orchestrated.

Elders pointed to the clumsiness with which certain important details of the would-be coup attempt were cobbled together. “Many of the soldiers taking part had no idea they were conducting anything more than an exercise,” noted H, a member of the Supreme Council of Elders, which gave final, if reluctant, approval for Erdoğan to handle the ruse himself. “For a coup to be believable, you need the armed forces to be behind it, not just a few units with some others along for the ride.”

H also noted the obvious way in which the president swooped in immediately after the coup was suppressed with ready lists of officials, commanders, and government or media figures to arrest or silence over their alleged involvement. “Erdoğan didn’t even maintain a pretense of investigations into who was behind the coup. The whole thing came off looking like a grade-school student trying to cover up some unexcused absences. It’s embarrassing to see.”

Other Elders confirmed that Erdoğan would no longer be allowed to handle such fateful operations with nearly as much autonomy anymore, if at all. “In fact we’re considering pulling in the reins on a whole bunch of activities that until now have been managed by proxies, given the sloppiness of this fiasco,” said L, also of the Supreme Council. “We might have to take a more hands-on role in the South China Sea, for example. Not that [President of China] Xi [Jinping] has been anything less than reliable, but I’m sure he’ll understand that at least for the foreseeable future, we can’t run the risk of such poor handling of our plans recurring – and in a much more strategically significant place than some backwater such as Turkey.”

In terms of China specifically, allowed L, there could eventually be more leeway for the local leadership to take initiative, as a mass conversion to Judaism is already on the table in Beijing to help the country better navigate international banking.

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