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I received an email from the folks at Gun Appreciation Day – which takes place January 19, unless there’s a massacre.

“We’re marching towards Gun Appreciation Day full steam ahead, and already the liberal gun control crowd is using every trick in the book to try and stop us.”


Ah, the liberal gun control crowd, those conniving bastards refusing to be shot on sight by a good old American armed militia, as it is specifically being commanded in the Second Amendment:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The Supreme Court and I differ on what the above statement means in reality. In my opinion, this is the foundation for a citizen’s army, which is ready to stand up to an invader from overseas or from Canada and Mexico. Should those red coats dare come down into these United States once more, thousands of citizens would swiftly pull their muskets off the wall, grab the bags of fire powder and iron balls, as well as their trusted muzzle loader, and rush off to defend our farms and plantations.

The Supreme Court, on the other hand, decided the same Second Amendment means you can sling an AKA 47 on one shoulder and a bazooka on the other, as long as you can show a library card with your name on it at the counter.

The Gun Appreciation folks are circulating their email around because they need your financial support in the war against liberal haters: “No matter if you can afford $5 or $500, anything and everything will make a difference.”

I don’t appreciate guns. Secure in my masculinity, I have never seen a need for either a sports car or a gun. In boot camp I schlepped around a Belgian FM rifle that had to be cleaned daily, whether I had used it or not. I nicknamed my rifle Ginger—it failed so many inspections, I started to believe those red spots were the result of shame as much as rust.

Ginger weighed a ton and fired a huge caliber bullet, with the recoil of an elephant gun. She was more like those patriotic muskets than the rapid fire monsters lonely American young adults are using these days to reduce our student population.

Yesterday, I also received an email from the National Rifle Association (why am I on all those email lists I have no idea), reacting—quite furiously, by the way—to the passage of a bill titled S. 2230 in New York

Apparently, what bugs the NRA are the undemocratic aspects of the way NY State passes its bills.

Join the club… In NY State we’re not so much a democracy as a plutocracy. The only way you can get rid of a NY State politician is if they become president of the United States, or gets caught doing something unspeakable on Twitter. Otherwise they’re there forever – because we, the majority of the folks in their districts, keep voting them in.

Anyway, the NRA is upset that S. 2230 was “hammered out in a backroom in Albany, was quickly drafted and released 20 minutes prior to the Senate vote. It passed as the clock ticked toward midnight.”

So? Over here we call it standard legislative process…

And what is it that S. 2230 actually does?

It lowers New York’s magazine capacity limit from ten rounds to seven.

That means that after a kid living in his mom’s basement has finished shooting into a crowd of students seven times, he has to pause and reload.

Ah, the humanity…

“It also greatly expands the state’s existing ban on commonly owned semi-automatic firearms, and will require New York gun owners to undergo background checks on ammunition purchases,” bewails the NRA.

If you ask me, this will actually mean great relief for UPS drivers, who won’t have to schlep quite as many cases of “ammo” to Joe’s hut in the woods, right above the high school building.

“These gun control schemes have failed in the past and will have no impact on public safety and crime,” argues the NRA.

According to data from The Violence Policy Center, these are the states with the highest death rates in the nation:



  1. my gun is in my drawer I appreciate it occassionally when I open that drawer… I drive my car everyday without it I don't know what I would do could go no where. My washing machine I use daily or we would wear dirty clothes.. My television I watch all the time… I think we should declare appreciation day for all the things we use… I am not into killing, have a gun for protection only in 40 yrs have never used it… don't hunt don't kill… not saying people who do are wrong just saying gun appreciation day is just about the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. And having it on MLK day was like thowing it in the faces of the people who admired him. Also after those children were killed it was an extremely tacky thing to do.

  2. Hey NRA, Tell this story, “ What the NRA did for Freed Blacks,” on Appreciation Day/MLK Day, via a video to all Appreciation Day attendants.
    After Emancipation, Laws were Designed to Disarm Slaves, Freedmen, and African-Americans. The NRA fought for their Second Amendment Rights.

    Before the Civil War ended, State “Slave Codes” prohibited slaves from owning guns. After President Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863, and after the Thirteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution abolishing slavery was adopted and the Civil War ended in 1865, States persisted in prohibiting blacks, now freemen, from owning guns under laws renamed “Black Codes.” They did so on the basis that blacks were not citizens, and thus did not have the same rights, including the right to keep and bear arms protected in the Second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, as whites. This view was specifically articulated by the U.S. Supreme Court in its infamous 1857 decision in Dred Scott v. Sandford to uphold slavery.

    The United States Congress overrode most portions of the Black Codes by passing the Civil Rights Act of 1866. The legislative histories of both the Civil Rights Act and the Fourteenth Amendment, as well as The Special Report of the Anti-Slavery Conference of 1867, are replete with denunciations of those particular statutes that denied blacks equal access to firearms. [Kates, Handgun Prohibition and the Original Meaning of the Second Amendment, 82 Mich. L. Rev. 204, 256 (1983)] However, facially neutral disarming through economic means laws remain in effect.

    After the adoption of the Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution in 1878, most States turned to “facially neutral” business or transaction taxes on handgun purchases. However, the intention of these laws was not neutral. An article in Virginia’s official university law review called for a “prohibitive tax … on the privilege” of selling handguns as a way of disarming “the son of Ham”, whose “cowardly practice of ‘toting’ guns has been one of the most fruitful sources of crime ….Let a negro board a railroad train with a quart of mean whiskey and a pistol in his grip and the chances are that there will be a murder, or at least a row, before he alights.” [Comment, Carrying Concealed Weapons, 15 Va L. Reg. 391, 391-92 (1909);.

    George Mason University Civil Rights Law Journal, Vol. 2, No. 1, “Gun Control and Racism,” Stefan Tahmassebi, 1991, p. 75]

  3. Yori, I pray that in your next life you will be an attractive young lady who has to work downtown past 11pm, and you need to take public transportation to get home. Bonus points if you also have to carry cash to a bank drop box. Personally, I appreciate my.38 very much!

  4. "You notice a common denominator there? Yes, these are, by and large, states where inebriated rednecks can pick up a gun and a six pack on the same drunk shopping run and still make it to the barbecue with Mary Lou Johnson and her kid brother with the harelip." ~ Casting aspersions and name calling…very juvenile! And using cheiloschisis/cleft lip as a pejorative? Please! I found Mr.Yanover's assumption that the listed states are populated by inebriated rednecks most offensive also. I don't live in any of those states, but have visited most of them. Mr.Yanover most probably has not. This article was not up to JP snuff.

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