“Children playing,” the son answered.

“Tell me about them.”

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“Well,” the son responded, “Dovid is standing near the door of the school with his hands in his pockets; he is probably no athlete. Moishe is playing wildly; he is probably undisciplined. Yankel is running around in a strange manner; I guess he is not coordinated. But all in all they are just a bunch of children playing.”

Rav Aryeh sighed, “No, my son. You don’t know how to watch the children. Dovid is near the door with his hands in his pocket because he has no sweater. His parents can’t afford winter clothes for him. Moishe is wild because his rebbe yelled at him and he is frustrated. And Yankel is running strangely because his shoe soles are ripped and his parents can’t afford to fix them.

“In order to be a rebbe, you must pay attention, know each boy’s needs and make sure to fulfill them.”

To be a parent is to be a very special rebbe. You must know each of your child’s needs and be sure to fulfill them – the greatest need being to be loved.

If you have an OTD child, don’t retreat into your hurt and confusion. Reach out to those who invest all the love, understanding and sensitivity humanely possible to enlighten hurting parents on how to get their kids back. Three such invaluable resources are: Rabbi Moshe Bak (Innocent Heart – 888-506-7162); Avi Fishoff ([email protected]); and Mrs. Ruchama Clapman (Mask – 718-758-0400).

These people can connect you with others who can help you.

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Rabbi Dr. Eliyahu Safran is an educator, author, and lecturer. He can be reached at [email protected].