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September 29, 2016 / 26 Elul, 5776
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The Shidduch Hits the Fan by The Groggers


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The Shidduch Hits the Fan





My girlfriend told me that she’s leaving me for some other guy
This Casanova won her over with those big blue eyes
She said well he goes to YU sings with an acapella group, they’ve blown up
She said you’ll never understand you’re just a boy I need a man so grow up

I had a walk in with a shadchan she said I’ve got a match
Went to Tiberias got serious than I heard the catch
She said I want my man to learn while I finish up at stern PhD
And that’s about when the shidduch hit the fan for me

Woah how did I end up alone?
I’m the third wheel at a singles shabbaton

Well Id have so much to offer someone
If I had the chance
But I’m stuck in the suburbs
There’s no drama or romance
And my wordings hurting,
flirting’s not a skill that I’ve advanced
I’m spent

I logged on JDate for a play-date
But my wifi was out
I tried a singles night and mingled right
But still got shot down

And no I’m all alone
Riding the F all the way home again
And that’s when I see her eyes
Looking right back into mine
The end

I tell my feet to take the seat
Next to her, my tongue is tied
I try a pickup joke but hiccup, choke
And she smiles wide

Well I think you’re pretty cute
For a guy who’s a deaf mute, she replied
And your delivery was great
But I only date Upper west side guys…

Yori Yanover

About the Author: Yori Yanover has been a working journalist since age 17, before he enlisted and worked for Ba'Machane Nachal. Since then he has worked for Israel Shelanu, the US supplement of Yedioth, JCN18.com, USAJewish.com, Lubavitch News Service, Arutz 7 (as DJ on the high seas), and the Grand Street News. He has published Dancing and Crying, a colorful and intimate portrait of the last two years in the life of the late Lubavitch Rebbe, (in Hebrew), and two fun books in English: The Cabalist's Daughter: A Novel of Practical Messianic Redemption, and How Would God REALLY Vote.


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