The shelter staff includes a housemother, social workers, attorneys, kindergarten and regular teachers who attend to the children, girls from the National Civil Service and groups of volunteers. Once a woman and her children are absorbed into and acclimated with Bat Melech, the Welfare Department notifies the husband and allows him to meet the children in a secure office environment under strict supervision. During their six-month stay at the shelter, the women will undergo a series of courses and sessions designed to rehabilitate themselves, gain self-confidence and preparation for self-sufficiency on the outside.
For example, every woman receives personal psychological care and precise instructions on how to be a proper parent. “We identified in these women the reluctance to argue, demand or expect,” says Salit. “These women walk on the tips of their toes near the children and are afraid to set any perimeters of behavior for them because all they want is ‘peace and quiet.’ Such a woman needs extensive redirection on how to be a responsible mother with confidence and self-assurance. We teach her to be in control.
“Our psychiatrists work with children as young as four years of age. Children who grow up under the cloud of violence and abuse suffer severe emotional problems – even if the violence they witnessed was not directed at them. When you witness the anger of a 5-year-old at his mother who motions with his hand across his throat and says: ‘I will finish what Aba promised to do to you,’ you understand that it’s your sacred duty to stop the next generation of abusive husbands.”
Both women and children receive psychotherapy, animal therapy, yoga, creative workshops, various types of entertainment and a number of group activities. A great percentage of the different treatments and group therapies are conducted by volunteers who come in from all corners of the city and beyond. In addition, the women receive job training funded by the Ministry of Industry or private donations in order to become self-sufficient.
The shelter provides each woman legal advice and help, at no charge – beginning with visitation arrangements and child protection, through the divorce process, teaching them how to stand firm against monetary extortion and blackmail and giving advice on how to split the property and receive child support. The entire legal process and proceedings are directed and supervised by Tzilit Jackobson who serves the shelter 24 hours a day. She had previously worked as an attorney in family court and defender of abused children and shares her vast experience in rescuing children at risk. At a benefit meeting for Bat Melech, she decided to contribute her time and experience to the shelter. She’s been here ever since.
The biggest fear the women have – and at times the staff as well – is of the moment the locked gate opens and the woman and her children return to the outside world and to the husband who’s waiting for them. “At times we literally die of fear when we release them,” admits Mr. Korman. “But from our long experience we know and see that everything she went through at Bat Melech has fortified her and given her strengths she never knew she possessed. She is no longer defenseless, but rather well protected. The violent husband is basically a pathetic paper tiger who took advantage of the weak. He was able to draw his strength and courage because she was fragile and timid. In most cases, the moment she changes the rules and displays strengths he never knew she had, he will back off and turn quite apprehensive. In most cases, when the women leave to the shelter, the men will not go looking for them because they understand exactly what transpired. Once the woman enters the shelter, his threats to harm her cease dramatically and, surprisingly, most of them will give the Get without too much arguing. The heavy gate and closed-circuit cameras are more for us, to calm their and our jittery nerves, for our peace and quiet.”
