web analytics
December 22, 2014 / 30 Kislev, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
8000 meals Celebrate Eight Days of Chanukah – With 8,000 Free Meals Daily to Israel’s Poor

Join Meir Panim’s campaign to “light up” Chanukah for families in need.



Big, Hairy Problems

Schmutter-051112

Also, it’s possible that she sees what’s happening to the hair on top of your head, and she figures that you should have some hair somewhere, so you don’t freeze to death.

Ultimately, though, it’s your decision, not hers. If you want to shave, but she likes the way your beard looks, there are a lot of fake beards you can buy in Purim Supply stores that you can wear for occasions where you’re going to be in pictures, such as weddings. Talk about scratchy.

 

Dear Mordechai,

With the amount of money I’m paying for tuition, I can barely pay my mortgage and bills and buy groceries and other basics. What should I do?

Mendy Hecht, Monsey

Dear Mendy,

I’ll admit that I do not have what you’d call “a solid understanding of economics,” defined as “any understanding of economics.” People with a solid understanding of how finances work do not become writers. But it would seem that a decent idea would be for you to become homeless, chas v’shalom.

Think of the money you’d save! Half your expenses go into maintaining your house, and buying things to fill it, and replacing those things when your kid colors on them or uses them as a stepstool. In the old days, homelessness was a legitimate lifestyle choice. The Jews spent 40 years in the desert being homeless. They had money; they could have stayed in hotels.

Homelessness would solve everything. No home repairs, no laundry – you’d just wear the same thing every day. Plus the beard would come in handy, so that would make your wife happy. Occasionally you’d have some shopping cart maintenance issues, but you can always replace the cart. I think they’re like $75. Or free.

It happens to be that homelessness gets a pretty bad rap, because everyone always focuses on the negative, which is the lack of homes. But how often do we compliment someone by saying that he’s from the streets? Are homeless people not from the streets?

Also, if a lot of people would agree to be homeless, the price of homes would go down, and that would benefit those of us who are… Homeful? Homed? Homely? I don’t know.

Of course, there might be some downsides. It’s very easy for me to suggest this during the spring, I’ll admit it. So maybe we’ll revisit this question at a later date. Don’t do anything drastic until then. Because frankly, this question is beyond the scope of this article.

Have any questions for “You’re Asking Me?” Send them in. I have a drawer for that sort of thing. It’s marked, “vegetables.”

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Big, Hairy Problems”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Soldiers check Palestinian Authority Arabs for knives,explosives, guns, screwdrivers and anything else that can be used to murder.
Palestinian Authority Terrorist Tries to Kill Soldier at Checkpoint
Latest Sections Stories
LBJ-121914

She approached Holofernes and, with a sword concealed under her robe, severed his head.

Games-121914

Here are examples of games that need to be played by more than one person and an added bonus: they’re all Shabbos-friendly.

South-Florida-logo

The incident was completely unforeseeable. The only term to describe the set of circumstances surrounding it is “freak occurrence.”

The first Chabad Center in Broward County, Chabad of South Broward, now runs nearly fifty programs and agencies. T

The NHS was also honored to have Bob Diener as keynote speaker.

Written with flowing language and engaging style, Attar weaves a spell that combines mystery, humor, adventure and Kabbalah in the most magical place in the world, the Old City of erusalem.

There are those who highlight the diversity of these different teachings, seeing each rebbe as teaching a separate path.

Rav Dynovisz will be speaking in Hebrew on Wednesday, January 7, at 7:30 p.m.

Rabbi Simeon Schreiber, senior chaplain at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Miami Beach, saw a small room in the hospital that was dark and dismal but could be used for Sabbath guests.

“The secret to a good donut is using quality ingredients and the ability to be patient and give them time to proof.”

I so desperately want to have a loving relationship with my stepsons.

The Liberty Bell is a symbol of American Independence.

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Try these with your kids; there’s something for every age group and once all the recipes are made, dinner will be ready!

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-121214

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

Schmutter-111414-Bed

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Maybe now that your kids are back in school, you should start cleaning for Pesach.

If I’m going on for oven mitts, I don’t want to see sock puppets until at least page 40.

Alternatively, you can try your absolute hardest to listen whenever she says anything.

Father’s Day comes every year. How many drills can you get him?

This week, I’m asking the questions for a change.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/big-hairy-problems/2012/05/11/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: