Your King is here, your God is here… You must appear, you must acknowledge, you must tremble! Wake up, see life as it is, for what it is – see past the physical constraints that blind me in my drudging existence. See the world for what it is – a narrow path that leads to our Father in Heaven – and all the words of Torah that lie there waiting for us to hear and know and soak into our souls. Hear it, if it is only for this one day, and this next day, and this Holy day a week later… even if it they are the only days of your life you can hear it.
He is close…. I must, I must feel it, I must live it; it is too powerful to allow the option of shutting it out.
And so I will get up on Rosh Hashanah. I cry thinking about it. But I will do it. I will take every pain medication I have, even if it causes me to be weak later. I will push myself to be strong, to push every cell of my being into the knowledge of that day. It will feel strange, and difficult; I might feel tempted to ‘zone out’ and retreat to my usual oblivion.
But I will push. I will try.
What else would I be saving it for…?
Today my King descends. Today I must put aside everything else, everything else, and focus on the battlefront inside my soul.
I’m putting on my combat boots.