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January 19, 2017 / 21 Tevet, 5777

Posts Tagged ‘homosexual’

Y-Love – Jewish, Orthodox, Black… and Gay

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

New York rapper Yitz “Y-Love” Jordan, famed black convert to Orthodox Judaism and celebrated artist, has announced that he is homosexual in an interview with Out magazine.

Jordan told the magazine he hopes his announcement will not cause him to be alienated by his community, but that he no longer cares very much about what people think.  He said he will continue to infuse his music with Jewish values, with Hebrew, and will aim to bolster LGBT hip-hop fans.

Jordan is of Puerto Rican and Ethiopian descent, and completed an Orthodox conversion in 2000, going on to study at Jerusalem’s Ohr Somayach yeshiva.

“I’m ready to find a husband,” Jordan told Out. “My number one priority is to get back into dating.”

According to the interview, Y-Love tried therapy aimed at attracting him to a heterosexual lifestyle, but was not changed by it.  He was married to a Jewish woman for a short time, but the relationship ended in divorce.

Out says Jordan now calls himself “ex-Hassidic,” and no longer lives in Flatbush.  He continues to celebrate Jewish holidays.

Malkah Fleisher

Tibbi’s Roundup: If You Knew What’s Going On in my Head You’d Blush

Thursday, May 10th, 2012

Not related to the image above which is just my treat to you, the same-sex story reminds me of the joke about a guy sitting in the park, starting a light chat with a young woman. After a while, the conversation kind of dies down and the two drift into silence.

So the young woman says to the young man, What are you thinking about?

So he answers, Probably the same thing you’re thinking about…

So she gets up, says, Never seen such a rude person in my life, and walks away in a huff.

You know what I’m talking about!


Thank you, Aussie Dave, for this lovely copy and paste, part of which I shall now copy and paste.

First, AD brings a You Tube clip, which is a Boycott Israel package, with the accompanying text: “SodaStream promotes itself as an environmentally friendly and cost-effective alternative to buying soda. But SodaStream is produced in an illegal settlement on stolen Palestinian land with exploited Palestinian labor. Moreover, Israeli settlement industries regularly dump toxic waste into the land and water of nearby villages.”

Now, enjoy this. If you like, go to Dave’s blog for the BDS clip. It’s fun, I promise.

BDS Fail Of The Day SodaStream International Ltd. surged the most on record in New York after the Israeli maker of soda machines said it will roll out its products at Wal-Mart Stores Inc. in the U.S. by the end of May.

SodaStream’s first-quarter profit rose to 55 cents per share in the first quarter from 35 cents a year ago, beating the 44-cent median estimate of seven analysts surveyed by Bloomberg. Aussie Dave, Israellycool


For openers, the Jewish Dems were ecstatic:

Jewish Dems Laud Obama’s Support for Marriage Equality “On behalf of NJDC’s board, staff, and membership, I am pleased that the President has made a decisive statement in support of marriage equality,” said NJDC Chair Marc R. Stanley. “From working to end the discriminatory ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy to ending the Federal Government’s defense of the unjust Defense of Marriage Act, this President has demonstrated an unmatched record of progress in favor of equal rights for gay and lesbian Americans. President Obama has admirably continued to demonstrate the values of tikkun olam in his work to make America a better place for all Americans. I am truly proud of President Obama and know that so many others in the Jewish community share my feelings.” NJDC Blog

Agudath Israel not so much:

Agudath Israel Statement on Same-Sex Marriage A political group is entitled to its opinion, no less than a president is to his. But to imply that a religious value like “tikkun olam” – and by association, Judaism – is somehow implicated in a position like the one the president articulated, is outrageous, offensive and wrong.

We hereby state, clearly and without qualification, that the Torah forbids homosexual acts, and sanctions only the union of a man and a woman in matrimony. Avi Shafran, Cross-Currents

Who would have thunk, savvy political analysis from a blog named Daas Torah…

Obama’s “Evolving” Gay Marriage Position Officially, Obama’s position on marriage equality is “evolving”–a stock phrase intended to buy time until a hypothetical second term. By backing gay marriage, Obama would risk alienating a range of potential supporters — including older, rural populists and conservative black Christians — as well as motivating Evangelicals who remain unenthusiastic about Mitt Romney. As it stands, Obama has the support of same-sex marriage advocates even as his fuzziness frustrates them. Planting himself in the muddled middle may be an optimal political tactic. Daas Torah

Harmony among the world’s major religions over stopping gay marriages:

Vatican Rep Wants Alliance with Jews, Muslims, to Combat Gay Marriage European Catholic leaders are reaching out to other spiritual leaders, including those of the Muslim and Jewish faiths, to possibly form an alliance against the proliferation of marriage equality.

In an address to U.K. Catholic bishops, Archbishop Antonio Mennini echoed the words of Pope Benedict, urging the church to take a leadership position in fighting against marriage rights for same-sex couples, the Telegraph reports. His address comes shortly after several clerics of multiple faiths have spoken out against U.K. Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone, who kicked off an investigation on marriage equality. Malkah Fleisher, The Jewish Press

Dov Bear using Mad Men metaphor to describe his feelings about gay marriages:

Tibbi Singer

Obama Endorses Same-Sex Marriage; Rabbis Debate Homosexuality

Wednesday, May 9th, 2012

President Obama on Wednesday went on the record with a statement that he now supports same-sex marriage, a reversal of his longstanding opposition. Obama’s announcement followed months of pressure from his Democratic base, his staff, openly gay and lesbian service members, Vice President Joe Biden, and his wife and two daughters.

In an interview with ABC News’ Robin Roberts, which was excerpted on “World News with Diane Sawyer” and will appear on “Good Morning America” Thursday, the president said, “When I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together, when I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”

The president went out of his way to emphasize that this is only his personal position, which he had reached through a process of “evolution,” and that he still believes each state should decide the issue on its own.

He did not say what would be the role of the federal government in cases where one state refused to recognize the same-sex marriage status sanctioned by another.

Instead, the president said he was confident that more Americans would grow comfortable with gays and lesbians getting married, citing his own daughters’ comfort with the concept.

“It’s interesting, some of this is also generational,” the president mused. “You know when I go to college campuses, sometimes I talk to college Republicans who think that I have terrible policies on the economy, on foreign policy, but are very clear that when it comes to same sex equality or, you know, sexual orientation, that they believe in equality. They are much more comfortable with it. You know, Malia and Sasha, they have friends whose parents are same-sex couples. There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.”

The president’s statement followed Vice President Biden’s own endorsement of gay marriage on Sunday, on “Meet the Press,” saying he is “absolutely comfortable” with same-sex marriages.

Obama aides say the president and his vice president are in complete agreement on legal rights for gay couples, but the announcement represents a turnabout for the president, who has opposed gay marriage since 1996, when, as a candidate for the Illinois state Senate , he indicated support for gay marriage in a questionnaire, but his aides later denied it was his official position.

In 2004, running for the US Senate, Obama stated: “I’m a Christian. I do believe that tradition and my religious beliefs say that marriage is something sanctified between a man and a woman.”

Presidential candidate Obama maintained that position throughout his 2008 campaign, and through his term as president, until Wednesday.

On Wednesday, Congressman Jerrold Nadler (D-NY), the Ranking Member of the House Judiciary Subcommittee on the Constitution, and the sponsor of the Respect for Marriage Act, which was intended to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), praised President Obama for his change of mind. Nadler’s statement acknowledged the magnitude of the event:

“For the first time in this nation’s history, a sitting president has shown the courage and leadership to stand up for all American families by pledging to support the fundamental right of every person to marry the person they love, and to have that marriage fully respected.”

Nadler added that “the course toward marriage equality and justice is the correct and inevitable path.”

Despite the firm opposition of the vast majority of Orthodox authorities to gay marriages, there have been cracks in that wall.

Orthodox-ordained Rabbi Steve Greenberg officiated at a same-sex wedding ceremony in DC.

Orthodox-ordained Rabbi Steve Greenberg officiated at a same-sex wedding ceremony in Washington, DC.

In November, 2011, in Washington DC’s “Historic 6th and I Synagogue,” openly-gay, Orthodox-ordained Rabbi Steve Greenberg officiated at a same-sex wedding ceremony.

The radical left-wing website +972 described the event with more than a little poetic flair:

“Greenberg stood under the chupah, a traditional Jewish wedding canopy, as newlyweds Yoni Bock and Ron Kaplan tied the knot before some two-hundred guests. Recognizing the unique – and controversial – moment, Greenberg’s voice notably cracked when near the end he stated, ‘By the power invested in me by the District of Columbia, I now pronounce you married.'”

Yori Yanover

Conservatives to Ordain Gay and Lesbian Rabbis in Israel

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

The Board of Trustees of the Schechter Rabbinical Seminary voted Thursday night to accept gay and lesbian students for ordination beginning in the next academic year.

Affiliated with the “Masorti” movement in Israel and with the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York, Schechter trains educational and spiritual, non-Orthodox leaders for positions in Israel.

“The Schechter Rabbinical Seminary views the serious process leading to this decision as an example of confronting social dilemmas within the framework of tradition and halachah,” Hanan Alexander, chair of the seminary’s Board of Trustees, said in a statement. “This decision highlights the institution’s commitment to uphold halachah in a pluralist and changing world.”

Students are ordained by a rabbinical court, made up of three members of the Rabbinic Advisory Committee of the seminary, all of whom are members of the Rabbinical Assembly of the Masorti/Conservative movement. The court members are chosen by the candidate and subject to the approval of the seminary’s dean. They have different opinions regarding the ordination of gay and lesbian students, according to the seminary.

“This unique mechanism is an expression of halachic pluralism, one of the founding principles of SRS,” the seminary said in its statement. “The Seminary is a religious institution of the Masorti/Conservative Movement, bound by Halacha, whose inclusive approach allows for a variety of Halachic opinions.”

Jewish Press Staff Writer

The Jewish Press Won’t Be Silenced

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

For more than 50 years The Jewish Press has been the voice of the Jewish people.

We have stood up for the Jewish people, for the nation and for individuals. We have stood up when everyone else has been silent. We have stood up when it was unpopular to do so. We have stood up to praise, protect, and even reprimand our people when needed.

For years, it was The Jewish Press which waved the banner on the plight of agunot (women who were refused divorce documents by their recalcitrant husbands) when the rest of the Jewish world had nothing to say about that awful situation in which Jewish women were being trapped.

And we will continue to be the voice of the Jewish people, no matter who threatens us.

Last week we ran an op-ed article by Chaim Levin, a young man who has identified himself as both religious and homosexual.

We did not run this article to promote homosexuality. We did not run this article to condone anti-halachic behavior. We did not run this article to intimate that homosexual behavior could be a Jewish life choice.

We ran this article because, whether one wants to admit it or not, there is a serious problem that some members of our religious community face – day in and day out. It could be your chavrusah (study partner) in yeshiva, the guy sitting next to you in shul, or your brother in your very own home. And this is true whether you wear a black hat, a streimel, or a knit yarmulke.

Pretending that there are no frum Jews with homosexual inclinations won’t make the truth go away. It won’t make the internal conflicts they fight with their yetzer hara (evil inclination) disappear.

We were asked to publish the article in question after being approached by a therapist from within the frum community who primarily treats religious youth with drug abuse problems.

A significant number of suicide attempts are committed by boys from not just religious but rabbinic homes — because they thought they were homosexual and had no place in the Orthodox world they grew up in, even if they had never acted on those impulses.

Until politics exits the science, it won’t be known if homosexuality is genetic, hormonal, neurological, psychological, or a choice. The Torah itself is very clear on where it stands on homosexual acts.

But the Torah is also very clear on how one should treat one’s fellow Jew, and certainly one who tries to be religious — whether he or she succeeds or not — should not be driven by fellow Jews to contemplate suicide.

A situation where religious Jews are provoking children and adults who are different to consider suicide is unthinkable and unacceptable.

Following the publication of this op-ed, a number of Jewish Press advertisers were approached and threatened. They were told to stop advertising with The Jewish Press.

The Jewish Press won’t give in to threats and we won’t be silenced.

We thank our advertisers who have notified us that they plan to continue with us despite the threatening letters and that they won’t give into threats either, particularly when an article like this one may have very well have saved a Jewish life.

People can do teshuvah (repent) for many acts against halacha, but what forgiveness can there be for pushing someone so far that he or she would commit suicide?

Editorial Board

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 12/2/11

Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

Dear Rachel,

Why would I even think of arguing with my therapist who had a doctorate in psychology? So having been told I was bisexual, I spent a number of years believing that I would be an outcast in the community until my dying day. I tried to keep this a secret and wondered how I could live the rest of my life in peace.

And then things changed. Not overnight — it took months. I switched to another therapist who had a very different approach to working with gay/bisexual clients. She homed in on the fact that for as far back as I could remember I hardly had any true friends and was often bullied by the other boys, which made me feel like I was some sort of outsider who didn’t belong.

I came to the realization that I was usually attracted to boys who were popular, well liked, and unafraid of others — in other words, everything that I was lacking. And when I say lacking, I refer to feeling empty and worthless inside. I hoped that whatever it was these boys had would rub off on me, and then maybe I would stand a chance at being a normal guy.

My father and I had a good relationship, but what I really needed all those years were real friends who would accept me for who I was. I never had those. My father couldn’t put a stop to the bullying, and I had a fear of going to school. To this day I wonder what would have happened if maybe I had switched schools or had a best friend who accepted me, or I hadn’t been told by my old therapist that I was bisexual and that there was nothing I could do to change that – maybe things would have been different.

Today I thank Hashem that I am happily married, and I daven for those who are still suffering, feeling alone and misunderstood. I know that pain too well, and I wish the community would understand that while gay and bisexual people struggle with a very difficult nisayon, they are still people. They didn’t ask to be this way.

Respectfully yours…


Dear Respectful,

Your sad story can serve as a valuable lesson to many a lost soul and corroborates the view that same sex attraction (SSA) can manifest itself as a result of adverse life situations a person may find himself in.

Lacking confidence in your own worth, you looked up to the strong and confident type whom you idolized and wished to model yourself after. In some cases, a boy estranged from or suffering the loss of his father craves that father/son relationship and may find what he seeks in another male he deeply admires — and then is led astray by mistakenly attributing this fondness to a penchant for SSA.

You were fortunate to have sought and obtained the opinion of another therapist who wisely pinpointed the root of your problem rather than ascribe it to the hype so widely and crudely disseminated in our day, much to the detriment of our misguided youth.

Those who suffer and struggle as you have should take a cue from your story and work on uncovering the true origin of their feelings. The recipe for success needs to incorporate a genuine desire to lead a Torah way of life and sincere prayers to Hashem for His guidance.

Thank you for sharing. Your empathy for others in pain is most praiseworthy.

An article of interest recently published in Ḥakirah, the Flatbush Journal of Jewish Law and Thought, comes to our attention just as this column is being readied for publication. Authored by Dr. Joseph Berger (a Toronto based noted psychiatrist with extensive practical and teaching experience), the piece addresses the complexities as pertain to a controversial statement on homosexuality released last summer by a select group of modern orthodox rabbis.

The following are brief quotes from the article that are relevant to this week’s column:

Scientifically it should be clear that what an adult says about his or her sexual thoughts and inclinations as a small child may be dubious and not scientifically valid…regarding the scientific aspects of homosexuality, a proper understanding of the literature demonstrates that there is no solid scientific basis for supporting a claim of a biological origin for homosexuality. Neither is there scientific support for any notion that anyone is born homosexual.

It is quite possible that tendencies may develop at an early age…claims of over-controlling mothers and under – or noninvolved fathers failing to set an adequate male role model, have been forwarded as major psychological contributing factors to the development of homosexual fantasies, needs, wishes and behaviors in men… there is also good clinical evidence based upon numerous published studies showing that significant numbers of people who have previously labeled themselves as homosexual can become comfortably heterosexual with good psychotherapy.


Doing What Comes Naturally?

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

Many years ago, I was meeting relatives at the airport when I ran into someone I knew whom I hadn’t seen in a few years. Someone who was a very active homosexual. I asked him what he was doing at the airport and he told me he was there to pick up his wife and kids. “Oh,” I said and, as if on cue, his wife appeared with two little kids in tow.

As the saying goes, some of my best friends have been gay so when I heard of a therapist who has worked miracles in helping formerly gay men and women successfully transition into heterosexuality, I was intrigued.

Adam Jessel, 45 and originally from Toronto, lives with his wife and four of his five children on Moshav Matityahu in Israel. He is a researcher, author and therapist with a private practice in Jerusalem. He specializes in marriage and relationship therapy as well as pornography, internet addiction and same sex attraction. He runs support and therapy groups for men who are struggling with homosexuality who want to (and many do) lead normal lives as married men according to Jewish values and law. He also consults for a support group of the wives of these men and is a member of NARTH (the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality.) Homosexual behaviour is clearly and strictly forbidden according to the Torah, which creates much conflict for many men who struggle with homosexual attractions and wish to remain religious Jews. “I emerge from our weekly group meetings feeling inspired. I’m so impressed by these individuals who want to live a life that’s consistent with their values. It’s something I’m very passionate about.” Jessel has a great deal of respect for the struggle of these men. There are a large number of people struggling with same sex attractions. Part of the therapy is learning how to reduce the same sex attraction and increase opposite sex attraction. However the therapy becomes more than that, it’s about greater self-acceptance.

“The journey out of homosexuality is about understanding oneself, recognizing who one really is and embracing it.” According to Jessel, the therapy is only successful when the client first faces and accepts his unwanted feelings. The task is not to look away from the feelings, but to understand and learn from them.

Contrary to popular belief, homosexual tendencies affect only about 1-2% of the population. The 10% statistic that is generally quoted is misleading. Dr. Alfred Kinsey, who’s responsible for that statistic, conducted a study in the 1940s but his sample was drawn largely from a prison population, which is not representative of the general populace. “Nobody takes that figure seriously,” says Jessel.

Jessel says that homosexuality reflects problems with emotional intimacy more than sexual intimacy. He is passionate about championing the cause of these people who want to lead a normal life and giving a voice to men and women struggling with homosexuality.

“They are not to blame for having these attractions. And halachically, there is no prohibition on having a homosexual orientation.” It’s the action, not the attraction that is prohibited.

Jews struggling to overcome homosexuality often don’t get support from the gay world or the Orthodox world. In the religious world it’s a taboo subject, in the gay world they’re seen as “in denial” and an obstacle to gaining gay legitimacy. Even the medical world, bowing to political pressure to accept homosexuality as a lifestyle choice and not a deviant behaviour, has ceased labelling homosexuality as a disorder. As a result there has been a withdrawal of funding for therapy and research and many gay people who are seeking help have found themselves between a rock and a hard place. In the notoriously liberal world of psychology, the very notion of providing therapy for people who want to transition from homosexuality to heterosexuality is unacceptable, because it suggests that there is something “wrong” or “less” about being gay, transgendered, or transexual.

Jessel illustrates the way society views homosexuality:

“If Reuven has an infatuation with Shimon’s wife, I’m allowed to help him. Certainly if he’s attracted to Shimon’s 12 year old son. But if he’s attracted to Shimon himself, suddenly, society tells you, you shouldn’t be treating these people.”

Jessel studied at York, McGill and Queens Universities in Canada. He has a BSc and an MA in Clinical-Developmental psychology. He has also done internships and research in a number of hospitals in Israel and abroad. “And we never discussed homosexuality,” he says.

He read a book by the noted psychiatrist Jeffrey Satinover, Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth where he looked at the science and politics involved in promoting a gay activist agenda interpretation of research in the media. “I’ve always been sensitive to misuse or misinterpretation of data and research especially with social and political bias,” says Jessel. “I get annoyed at how research and statistics can be abused for political agendas. About 12 years ago I attended a presentation given by Shmuel Rosenberg, a family therapist in Elizabeth NJ, on homosexuality. He had witnessed first-hand the benefits that can come from therapy, and encouraged me to get involved.”

For religious people especially, it’s not acceptable to live a gay life. They need to know there is something they can do. There is help and support in their struggle – behaviour and feelings can be changed. Jessel lets his clients set the therapy agenda and isn’t out to convert anybody.

“A major part of my work is about identity. It’s separating oneself from the issue of whom a person’s attracted to. The Torah doesn’t define people by whom they’re attracted to. There’s no word in the Torah for homosexual. It only talks about sexual behaviour. It never defines people by their sexual preferences. It’s about looking at the person. It’s how you deal with it that defines you.”

Jessel works on behaviours and goals. A person is a person separate from the problem. “We don’t deny the problem. Acceptance of the tendencies is an important part of accepting oneself with all one’s different pitfalls and behaviours. It’s not a reason to feel any less or different.”

A large portion of these men feel different from other men, a feeling of not belonging. “The work that we do is learning to accept and validate oneself as a man despite whatever particular attractions one might be experiencing.”

Homosexuality has many root causes and there are many different variations. An intellectual, non-athletic boy with an innate sense of aesthetics may have felt different from the other guys who may have teased and bullied him. He may have had a poor body image. His connection to his father may not have been strong or his father may not have been a role model he would have been comfortable emulating. His mother may not have been connecting too well with the father and turned to the son for emotional support.

“None of these factors guarantees that someone will become gay. A wide constellation of factors have to come into play to produce homosexuality. If any of these are missing the person may grow up with other challenges but homosexual attraction won’t be one of them. This is only one possibility.

Because they may have felt different from a very early age, some people feel very strongly that they were born with homosexuality. Since one can modify their thoughts and behaviour, it’s irrelevant whether they were born with the tendency or developed it early on. There’s no evidence that homosexuality is predominantly biological. It’s a result of a confluence of biological, psychological and social factors. Also men demonstrating very sensitive, artistic or introspective behaviour may come to see themselves, or be seen, as gay, because that is part of the societal stereotype even though it is a stereotype.”

Jessel works as a facilitator to help people make the transition. He works with both genders and is currently working with a woman who has been living as a lesbian for 25 years and now wants to get out of that lifestyle and get married. She believes she was born that way but that doesn’t preclude her wanting to change.

“There’s no gay gene. Human sexuality is a complex phenomenon that can’t be pinned down to any one cause. You can have identical twins where one turns out homosexual and one doesn’t.”

Jessel acknowledges the possibility that a person could be born gay, but after working with hundreds of people with SSA, he doubts he ever met one.

“Its like some people’s genes make it more likely they’ll become obese. Yet we all know genes alone don’t make someone obese. It depends on their upbringing, culture, actions and a host of psychological factors. And nobody would say it’s impossible to modify one’s eating, exercise habits and even appetite.

“The paradox is that for many men the path out of homosexuality requires a greater connection with men. The primary work is not working on their attraction to women but working on their connection with men. What they have is a great need to connect to men but they don’t know how to do it without the intensity and escapism of sexual fantasies or encounters which don’t really fulfill the need, which is why there is so much promiscuity in much of the gay culture. There’s a compulsive aspect to it.

“With women there isn’t the same emphasis on sex. It’s more diverse. Growing up they often learned it wasn’t safe to have a trusting relationship with the opposite gender.”

So, ironically both men and women can develop homosexual attractions because of something missing or unhealthy in their relationships with men.

“Men are able to have physical intimacy without emotional intimacy. A woman can’t easily do that. She needs trust. A woman’s sexuality is more fluid and can change spontaneously throughout her life. Studies show that most women who have lesbian relationships as adolescents become exclusively heterosexual when they’re older.”

Programs exist to help men achieve more bonded relationships with other men. Many men benefit from attending programs such as: Journey into Manhood, Call of the Shofar, New Warriors and special workshops run by JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality).

Some men attend these programs and for a few weeks afterwards feel they’re past their homosexual tendencies. This is because the connection they make with men is so powerful that they get a feeling of what it’s like to have their real need for male connection met. Some of these programs are partially staffed by people who used to identify themselves as homosexuals.

“If a young man goes to a warm yeshiva and for the first time in his life experiences positive male role models, who are sincere about working with him and genuinely care and he experiences a camaraderie and acceptance from the other guys, this can strengthen him though alone it will not be enough.”

Jessel is careful not to paint too rosy a picture. “Homosexuality is a very difficult struggle, one you can’t fully appreciate unless you’ve been there yourself.”

Because they feel that the mental health profession has largely turned their back on them, the trend among strugglers is increasingly to rely on support from those who have faced similar challenges. There are grassroots movements of strugglers. Many of them are therapists who have made the journey out of homosexuality themselves or have a close family member who has had this struggle and feel they want to help others. Information isn’t out there and people suffer needlessly. Due to the dearth of therapists, Jessel also counsels people over the phone, even from different countries.

“The Jews who have successfully dealt with this don’t exactly advertise it. It’s like being a convert. It’s something to be proud of but people don’t announce it because there’s a stigma.”

Many men who’ve gone through counseling with Jessel have gone on to have good marriages. “I wouldn’t advise anyone to enter into marriage without guidance from therapists and rabbis experienced in these matters. A good marriage is possible but it has to be approached very cautiously.” I would say that’s true of any marriage. “Often people think that the only issue is sexual performance but the fact is that most homosexual men are capable of being physically intimate but because they’re emotionally not able to be present in the relationship [not only a problem with gay men], this creates a whole other set of problems that can sabotage the relationship.”

And that’s where the emphasis lies. Jessel is helping people tap their potential for healthy, fulfilling and quality relationships as people and as religious Jews.

(The first in a series of articles on this topic.)

To contact Adam Jessel: call 972(0)546720336 or e-mail him at szjessel@gmail.com

Rosally Saltsman

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/doing-what-comes-naturally/2010/04/14/

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