Photo Credit: Free image by Zack Seward via Flickr
Andrew Cuomo

Albany, August 25 – My career in politics appears to have ended, at least for the short term. But every man needs purpose, and I believe I have found a purpose that will propel me to my next pursuit: management of eldercare facilities and hands-on administration of female educational institutions for the Jews of this great state.

I’ll be first to acknowledge the transition, like most transitions of this magnitude, will prove challenging. Answering to no one but the New York electorate differs in important ways from answering to the families of those under my aegis, and to government oversight. But I have that killer instinct that a decision-maker needs to make his enterprise a success, and I can grope my way through the initial – for me – uncharted territory.


I have special affection for both populations, each in its own way. That’s why I plan to forge  a new career dealing with them both, disparate as the demographics, institutions, needs, systems, and skill sets might seem. I’ve cultivated the right contacts; I’ve got the right touch with people of all ages and genders; you might say I’ve got a terminal case of public service.

I will also, perhaps belatedly, acknowledge that I have to mend relations with the Jewish community of New York, especially the sects in Brooklyn. It might surprise you to learn that I’m actually a big fan of sects, though they might mistake my friendliness as harassment; I come on strong. I singled them out as failing to adhere to practices aimed at curtailing the spread of COVID-19, even as I strove to gradually reduce the number of available hosts for the virus in nursing homes. It was unfair to specify, with tendentious interpretation of the evidence and only a partial understanding of the pandemic dynamic, the Jews. I have therefore resolved to dedicate the next phase of my pubic service – excuse me, I mean public service – career to paying close, close attention to the future of that community, specifically the future mothers of that community; and bring my special experience in eldercare to the, uh, surviving seniors of that community.

I fully expect some resistance even from the very population that will feel the effects of activities most intimately; no one can reasonably expect to enjoy universal popularity all the time. But I relish the challenge of facing such demurral; I find it stimulating, in fact. I intend to pursue this set of endeavors to the very end.

{Reposted from the SATIRIC PreOccupied Territory blog}


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