Mrs. Levi had mentioned her daughter Rachel to a seasoned shadchan named Rabbi Simcha. He thought a moment, and exclaimed: “I might have the perfect shidduch – Yaakov Rubin! Ehrlich, talmid chacham, solid family… and lives right around your corner!”
“Yes, we know him well,” Mrs. Levi laughed. “We daven in the same shul. On and off we’ve toyed with the idea.”
“Discuss it with your daughter,” Rabbi Simcha said. “If you’re interested, I’m happy to broach the shidduch.”
Two days later, Mrs. Levi informed Rabbi Simcha that they were interested in following through with the shidduch.
Rabbi Simcha made the initial calls and arranged the first two dates.
Afterwards, the families on both sides preferred to continue the process directly. Rabbi Simcha, busy with other shidduchim, respected their request and wished them well.
The shidduch took longer than usual. There were several issues that needed to be resolved. Finally, though, they were all satisfactorily resolved, and the couple decided to get engaged. The families were overjoyed.
As the excitement settled, Mr. Levi raised a question: “We never updated Rabbi Simcha after that second date. He also never reached out to find out what was happening, even though several months passed. Are we obligated to notify him and pay his shadchanus fee?”
“There’s no doubt that he served as shadchan and set the couple up,” Mrs. Levi noted.
“I agree that if he asks for payment, we owe him,” Mr. Levi replied, “My question is: Because he hasn’t been in touch, are we required to initiate contact and notify him that the shidduch went forward if he doesn’t inquire?”
Mr. Levi approached Rabbi Dayan and asked:
“Are we required to notify the shadchan and pay him if he doesn’t inquire and ask for payment?”
“Regarding a loan, if the lender does not ask for the money, Shiltei Giborim writes that the borrower is not halachically required to initiate timely repayment,” replied Rabbi Dayan. “The lender’s silence could express willingness to extend the time of the loan, or even forgo it. However, others rule that the borrower is responsible to initiate timely repayment even if not asked, to uphold his commitment and monetary obligation.” (Shach 232:2; Ketzos 104:2; Nesivos 104:1).
“Furthermore, Pischei Choshen (Halva’ah 2:4[10]) suggests that even Shiltei Giborim addresses a case only where the lender remembers the loan and has contact with the borrower and nonetheless does not ask for the money, where his silence is indicative of consent, but not where the lender’s silence can be attributed to his unawareness. He notes, though, that the Acharonim do not explicitly make this distinction.
Regarding payment of wages, there is an explicit mitzvah to pay wages promptly (b’yomo titen scharo) and a prohibition to withhold them (bal talin) (Vayikra 19:13; Devarim 15:15; C.M. 339:1).
Nonetheless, the Mishna (B.M. 111a) teaches that if the employee did not request his wages when due, the employer does not violate this rule if he delays payment (C.M. 339:10).
Even so, Pischei Teshuva (339:7-8) cites from the Zohar that it is improper to delay payment, even with permission of the employee.
Moreover, Gilyon Maharsha (339:10) cites from Tosfos Yom Tov (B.M. 10:5) that if the employee did not request his wages because he mistakenly thought that he was already paid (due to a misleading statement of the employer), the employer violates bal talin if he delays payment.
Similarly, the Chofetz Chaim in Ahavas Chesed (9:11[30]) writes that if a renter finished using a rental item (also regarding which bal talin applies – C.M. 339:1), he is required to inform the owner and pay the rental fee promptly. Because the owner does not know that the rental is now due, his lack of claim does not indicate consent to delay payment.
Thus, you owe the shadchan his fee timely, even if he did not request payment due to unawareness.
Usually, the families have a natural sense of gratitude, and are happy to share the shadchan in the success of the shidduch and pay his fee,” concluded Rabbi Dayan. “This discussion applies also to real estate agents, though, where the parties are less inclined to feel personal gratitude, when they conclude the deal on their own and the agent who introduced the property didn’t retain contact.”
Verdict: When the shadchan/employee does not ask for timely payment due to unawareness, the employer should not withhold or delay it.
