Dear Mrs. Bluth,
I can’t take my life anymore. I am thirty-four years old and look like I’m eighty-seven; anyone who meets me for the first time thinks I am my husband’s mother. He, on the other hand, looks far younger than his thirty-eight years. I guess the idea that evil doesn’t age and that the good die young is not a far-fetched notion.
In twelve years of marriage I can count on one hand the good days, days on which he did not insult or belittle me, call me ugly and dirty names or beat me when he was upset or stressed.
What has changed?
He is turning on our daughter.
The days leading up to Yom Tov are always the worst and he is always the most agitated. We are just days before Pesach and he has already thrown my newly washed and styled sheitel on the floor and rubbed it into the carpet. Some of what I have made for Yom Tov he destroyed, others he hid along with clothes and accessories that belonged to the kids.
But worst of all, last night he barged into my 11-year-old daughter’s room as she was dressing for bed and demanded that she keep her door wide open. When she made a fuss about it, saying that her privacy would be compromised as we have two sons, he slapped her and told her if she ever talked back again she would get far worse than a slap.
I see the handwriting on the wall, Mrs. Bluth, and I know what you will tell me to do, but I am so afraid that no matter where I will go he will find me. And my boys adore him, to them he is a wonderful father – he has never raised his voice or his hand to them.
I just don’t understand what I or my daughter ever did to deserve such hateful treatment. What can I do to help us cope?
Dear Friend,
You are looking to cope? My dear, you are way past coping, you are already in the red zone of safety. You have said that he is filled with rage most of the time, and only seems to focus his anger on the females of the house. To me, this indicates a great loathing for the gender. What you did not share is what kind of relationship he has or had with his mother, sisters, female teachers, etc. It’s a wild guess on my part, that he had been abused or tormented by a female who was important to him. However, this doesn’t change the danger that you and your daughter find yourself in now.
I recommend making immediate preparations to leave with your children. Do not tell your boys what you are planning so they will not have a chance to tell their father.
Don’t wait; leave as soon as you can. Please get in touch with me and I will give you all the resources you need to make this possible. Nothing is more important than life.