Q: My kids keep telling on each other all the time! I keep telling them that they shouldn’t tattle, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Any suggestions?
A: We all know that kids love tattling on one another and letting you know when a sibling or classmate did something wrong. This negative type of peer pressure discourages children from misbehaving, but it also creates a negative environment in the classroom and home. Children can often feel like their siblings or classmates are “out to get them” and are spying on them in order to tattle.
Recently, I have become interested in a new classroom-based intervention to combat tattling and turn it on its head. This technique is called “tootling.” Instead of children reporting negative behaviors to the teacher or parent, they learn to report positive, pro-social activities. The goal of tootling is not only to reduce negative interactions, but also to encourage children to be aware of positive actions in themselves and others.
Tootling: Reflecting Jewish Values
Adina Soclof, writing for the Orthodox Union, explained that the concept reminds her of Pirkei Avot 4:2: Mitzvah goreret mitzvah – One good deed begets another good deed. She explains that there are several meanings to this Mishna. For one, if you watch someone do a mitzvah, then you will feel inspired to do one yourself. Additionally, if you do a mitzvah, the good feeling will inspire you to do another mitzvah. In the end, the repetition of the mitzvah becomes a habit and you automatically find yourself doing good deeds.
This can be applied to tootling as well. Reporting on other’s positive actions can inspire the reporter to emulate those good deeds. In addition, if others report on a child’s positive actions, that child is more likely to repeat those actions. And finally, those repeated actions will become a habit or routine.
Clearly, your children will not be using index cards to record their siblings positive behaviors, instead they verbally report the prosocial behaviors throughout the day. The parent keeps track of those tootles and tallies those tootles in a chart. Just as in a classroom, the family members can decide together what kind of reward comes with a certain amount of tootles.
After a few months, tootling becomes instinctive and part of the every day experience at home. At that point, the tootling rewards itself through a positive environment and better sibling interaction. In that sense, mitzvah goreret mitzvah.
