Q: My child is considered “gifted,” and while at school this is true, at home this just makes everything harder. What can I do to make our lives easier?
A: Help your child talk about his emotions. When we help children develop an emotional vocabulary, we can transform raw feelings into a tangible thing. This is the first step in learning to control those very raw emotions.
Recognize (and help him recognize) his escalation cycle. Most children have a pattern in terms of what sets them off and how they get riled up. When we can point these patterns out to the child, he can start to recognize his behavior and stop himself before he gets out of control.
Create a plan. Together with your child, after you have identified the escalation cycle, work on a plan for what your child can do when he is overwhelmed. These can be relaxation techniques or exercises to distract from the cycle.
Don’t get emotional yourself. If your child does get caught up in the emotional intensity and cannot stop the escalation, don’t get intense yourself! Keep your emotions neutral and stay calm.
Take a time out. Both you and your children can take breaks from each other in order to create distance from the emotional outbreaks.
Emphasize the behavior you want to see. Rather than talking incessantly about the negative behavior that your child is exhibiting, talk about the positive behaviors that you would like your child to engage in. The more attention you pay to the positive, the more it will be on your child’s mind.
Just remember, intensity is a great thing! It’s passion and enthusiasm and lifelong engagement. As parents and teachers, we just need to ensure that we direct that energy towards positive endeavors.
