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January 22, 2017 / 24 Tevet, 5777
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4th of July – Gut Yom Tov!

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The hypocrisy of the liberal Jews is amazing. They allow themselves to say whatever they want, but when an Orthodox Jew says what he wants, that’s suddenly against the rules. Yesterday, in what smacks of a Middle Age witch hunt and blood libel, I was ridiculed and attacked by two supposedly liberal Jewish bloggers, one who pictures himself as a bear, and the other as a dog, two non-kosher animals. They published snips and scraps of things I have written over the past several years, as if I were on trial in Russia. I didn’t know I had such devoted readers, who carefully documented my every word and kept them on file. Maybe they work for the Israeli Shabak or the FBI? This is all the more interesting since their attack on me falls on the Fourth of July, which for them is a cherished holy day, honoring the American principles of equality, pluralism, and freedom of speech, which obviously don’t apply to “idiot lunatic Zionists” like me who disagree with their leftist, anti-Torah opinions.

Ignoring the fact that my writing style often employs humor and exaggeration to make my points heard, they quoted things I have written, as if they were words carved in granite at The New York Times. One of the things they don’t seem to like, or agree with, is a blog which included a humorous (not to them) somewhat tongue-and-cheek list of government policies that I would initiate if I were the Prime Minister of Israel. I think what really bothers them, and their fellow liberal groupies, is that, deep inside, they know that the religious will one day be the majority in Israel, and that many things are going to change, in opposition to their more “enlightened values.” Since several of their readers asked if I really support these “outrageous” propositions, here is the platform they quoted with some explanatory comments. One thing I failed to mention is that I would immediately work toward establishing the Torah as the Law of the Land, with the reinstitution of the Sanhedrin and Supreme Court of Torah Sages.

My Platform as Israel’s Prime Minister:

*All Arabs must leave the Land of Israel. (Except for Arabs who are willing to sign a document agreeing that they recognize the sovereignty of the Israel over Eretz Yisrael, and that they will not rebel or act violently against the government and People of Israel – they will be allowed to live outside of the boundaries of Jerusalem.)

*Any Israeli politician who voted in favor of Oslo or the Hitnatkut Disengagement from Gush Katif, or who promotes the Road Map Plan, or the Two-State Solution, will be brought to trial as a national traitor. (The Supreme Court of Torah Sages will judge the case according to Torah law and hand down the verdict.)

*Relations with the United States shall be suspended until Jonathan Pollard is freed. (The poor Jew has been imprisoned for almost 30 years, in comparison to spies for other allied nations, who were set free after 3 or 4 years.)

*All atomic facilities in Iran will be immediately destroyed.

*Any missile launching on Israel will be met with a devastating retaliatory attack. (Obviously.)

*Anyone who propagates leftist propaganda will be deported from the country. (This is a gray area which will be judged by the Supreme Court of Torah Sages. Certainly anyone who writes against the Torah will be deported.)

*All missionaries will be tried in court for kidnapping and murder, and crucified on the Mount of Olives. (This was an obvious joke. Jews do not crucify as a means of capital punishment. The missionaries will be tried by the Supreme Court of Torah Sages according to Torah law.)

*TV and radio will be shut down on Shabbat. Driving on Shabbat will result in license suspension.

*Women who dress immodestly will be fined. Repeated offenders will be imprisoned. (Since this bothered some readers, as I have written in the past, these measures will only begin to be enforced after a year-long national educational campaign about the dangers of immodesty. Similar fines and terms of imprisonment will be given to drivers who break traffic laws. In regard to rapists, they will be imprisoned. Repeat offenders will be castrated like dogs.)

*All non-medical or psychologically-dictated abortions will be forbidden.

*No women will serve in the army.

*All secular newspapers will be shut down. (Not necessarily. A sports newspaper or economic journal or political newsletter will be permitted. Newspapers who write against the Torah will be closed.)

*Israeli television will be run by a board of Orthodox Rabbis, and Arutz7 and The Jewish Press will be the only authorized Internet news services.

*All computers will be equipped with anti-pornography filters under penalty of large fines.

*Teacher’s salaries will be doubled. (No. They will be increased four times their present rate.)

*Massive funds will be allotted to promote aliyah, and all Jews who refuse to immigrate to Israel within three years will forever forfeit their right of return. (Extensions may be granted in exceptional cases where the need is genuine, based on a Board of Aliyah Rabbis.)

*Haredim will donate the funds to rebuild Gush Katif, and they will do all of the hard labor needed or face imprisonment. (This is because, with certain exceptions like Chabad, and Rabbi Porush, the Haredi parties sat silently by while fellow Jews were thrown out of their homes and stripped of their livelihoods. Members of the Knesset who voted in favor of the Disengagement, if convicted, will receive daily, work passes from prison to join them in the work.)

Any questions?

I don’t understand what caused the big fuss.

Tzvi Fishman

About the Author: Tzvi Fishman was awarded the Israel Ministry of Education Prize for Creativity and Jewish Culture for his novel "Tevye in the Promised Land." A wide selection of his books are available at Amazon. His recent movie "Stories of Rebbe Nachman" The DVD of the movie is available online.

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

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  1. Liad Bar-el says:

    One of the leftist who attacked you claims to study in a Yeshiva. No doubt his Yeshiva is a think tank for the New York Times.

    Say what you will, Dovbear, but you have not and will not stop Tzvi’s efforts to help others. The only ones that I see you helping are the Muslim Brotherhood with their cadre of Kapos.

    Your books, Tzvi, have helped me come closer to HaShem of which I am very grateful. Keep up the good work!

  2. Joel Weltman says:

    you got my vote.

  3. Tzvi Fishman says:

    Thanks Liad and Joel for your support!

  4. Linda Fuchs Versil says:

    I agree with eveerything you say. I really wish you were prime minister.

  5. Yup! Telling it like it is!

  6. Dov Bear on the Parsha book is an irreverent look at the weekly reading. The Sidra Achra feeding off that which is Holy so as to keep alive. As long as Tzvi and others in The Press teach Torah, Dov Bear will be back for another “feeding”.

    You got my vote too Tzvi.

  7. lol nice job. I especially like the prison passes for the criminals to do hard labor rebuilding what they destroyed.

  8. David Ilan says:

    You're a moron.

  9. Muriel Coudurier-Curveur says:

    Dear Sir, I am a liberal, but I am also a Jew and an ardent Zionist. The only thing on which I wish to argue with you is your modesty rules. What are they going to be based upon? The way we women dressed when we followed Moses into the desert, the way we dressed under king David, or the way the Jewish women dressed in Northern and Eastern Europe in the 18th century?
    I'd have no trouble with the biblical fashion (which incidentally would return to me the right to wear tsitsit and a talit) but, as a Mediterranean woman (Sefardi), I am utterly opposed to disguise myself into a wigged babushka, or impose on my sons to wear the corpse of a treif animal as a hat.

  10. Muriel Coudurier-Curveur says:

    In addition, I do think that Haredi men need to strengthen their resistance to temptation. Not only are they disproportionally represented among the sexual abusers, but -based on the interview of a Bet Shemesh Haredi man- they consider normal to find an 8 years old girl sexually enticing. I suggest that all children, up to 13, be dressed as immodestly as possible in order to drive home the notion that a child should never be sexually molested or even desired by a grown adult.

  11. Liad Bar-el says:

    David, what you have just done with this statement of lashon harah toward Tzvi is that you have given him all the merits of the good deeds you have done in your life unless of course you apologize to him.

  12. David Ilan says:

    He wasn't embarrassed. he made an idiotic public statement and I replied to it. In fact he thrives on responses like that.

  13. Jill Sevelow says:

    As a Conservative Jew and ardent Zionist, I pray for the state of Israel then. May it never lose its democratic core principles, may it embrace Jews of all denominations, and may it continually evolve with like-minded, fair people. I would be ashamed of your laws taking over our pluralistic country.

  14. Yori Yanover says:

    Tzvi, kidding aside, your dream state is my nightmare. I cannot imagine a less capable entity than a bunch of rabbis to run a country. And i can't imagine a more terrifying situation than one in which Arutz 7 becomes a cultural arbiter. I worked for them, I know.

    In fact, I pray that absolutely everything you wrote here is a marvelous joke at the expense of knownothing right wing blowhards, otherwise it's something you can usually fix with Thorazine.

    We could go item by item if you want, we could tape it, too and post on You Tube…

  15. Tzvi Fishman says:

    Like it or not, my friend, that's where we're headed.

  16. Yori Yanover says:

    Nonsense. We're headed to where the 25 ruling families want us to head. And they use you and me as tools to divide and rule. You're a tool of the Junta, by the very fact that you pick for yourself a spot that is on the Junta's playing board. You volunteer for the role of crazy anti-establishment guy, extreme right corner, please take your spot. I get paid for the centrist religious guy role. We're all bozos on their bus.

  17. Liad Bar-el says:

    Yori, a dream come true for you!! You can be the Commander of the Paint Gun Modesty Brigade in Mea Sharim. It will be the only time you will be allowed to look at sleeveless arms, mini skirt bare legs and skin tight body folding pants as you take aim to shoot.:-) Here in Israel this “looking” would be a mitzvah but if you do this already in the Galut, you are just filling up your basket of sins every time you look. Tzvi will put you in training at the harp-stringed Railroad Bridge next to his house.:-)

    Sheeeeeeeee. Not to tell any secrets, but HaShem is in charge not the 25 ruling families. If we love/fear HaShem and do His commandments, then those who do not do the same will become “bozos” whereas we will become the Children of HaShem.

  18. Yori Yanover says:

    Are you working HaShem's track record into your equation? He may be into entirely different ends than you imagine.

  19. "And the remnant of Jacob shall be in the midst of many peoples — like dew sent by G-d, like torrents of rain upon vegetation that does not hope for any man and does not wait for the sons of men." http://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/696140/jewish/Haftorah-in-a-Nutshell.htm

  20. Tzvi Fishman says:

    That's just in the small immediate picture. On the big screen Imax, Hashem has promised the tshuva of our Nation will come – it won't be long in coming.

  21. Dov Bear says:

    Nothing Tzvi says is capable of bringing you closer to God, in that nothing he says is based on anything Godly. Its all RW conservatives fantasies wrapped in a thin Torah wrapper.

  22. Ahron Ebert says:

    Rightfully you want a fundamentalist Jewish state and then you want to follow the goyim in dealing with rapist. Jewish law doesn't imprison rapist and prohibits sterilation in any form. Rapist are required to marry there victim only if she wants and must pay fines. Be consistant.

  23. Jonah Block says:

    "two non kosher animals" you sir are crazy and sound like the person who pays for kosher toilet paper "bear" is a common name and I guess only would think to eat bear and dog meat. if you are going to make exagerated statements then make a disclaimer.

  24. Jonah Block says:

    can you further explain about this whole Muslim brotherhood thing?

  25. Joe Bee says:

    You can move to this "dream" location you speak of. Aside from the transition from one fairy tale god to another(oh, i know, yours is the real one, its the 2 billion muslims that are crazy, right?), this country is there for you. Its called Iran. Have a pleasant trip

  26. Ahron Ebert says:

    Rightfully you want a fundamentalist Jewish state and then you want to follow the goyim in dealing with rapist. Jewish law doesn't imprison rapist and prohibits sterilation in any form. Rapist are required to marry there victim only if she wants and must pay fines. Be consistant.

  27. Yori Yanover says:

    Absolutely, but if the cultural parent in the Tshuva scenario is Arutz 7 — let me be a yossom…

  28. Tzvi Fishman says:

    It is easy to say bad things about people and Israel when you don't use a real name or picture to let people know who you are, mu unkosher bear friend.

  29. Dov Bear says:

    You keep using that as an excuse to avoid my points and arguments. What you have not yet realized is that it doesn't matter if I use my name or not provided my points are valid. The fact that you can't offer anything resembling a counterargument strongly suggests you don't posses one. And if you have no counterarguments, it follows that my points are valid. See how that works? 🙂

    Also, as you have obviously never heard of them, here for your references, is a short list of great Rabbis who also had the "unkosher" name bear : The Maggid of Mezeritch, Dovber Schneuri, (aka the Mitteler Rebbe) Rabbi Yisroel Dov Ber Odesser, R. Hayyim Dov Ber Gulevskyr, etc. I am sure these great Rabbis will be pleased to know little Tzvi thinks they were not kosher due to their names.

  30. Tzvi Fishman says:

    Ber not Bear like you spell it, dufus. Besides, they weren't afraid to hide behind a pseudo name like you and hurl insults at everyone that rouses your jealousy.

  31. Jonah Block says:

    tzvi also ignored my other points and after reading his stuff he sounds as dangerous as any radical Muslim with this Theology he Would impose on people

  32. Dov Bear says:

    Dufus? Its the same word. Ber=Bear Means the same thing! (Ber is German and Yiddish for Bear) Don't you know that?? Come on. Use your head a little! By the way, Dov is Hebrew for bear. I have a feeling you don't know that either…

    And I'll point out again, that all you do is make ad hom attacks (do you know what that means? If not go to Wikipedia) attacking my name, and my anonymity, and totaly ignoring the very real and legitimate criticisms that have been made about your ideas. Anytime you're ready to deliver a reply of substance, I'm here waiting. Meanwhile, your inability to answer arguments continues to make it clear that you are intellectually bankrupt.

  33. Jonah Block says:

    I bet if Tzvi had his way they would put all the arabs in "camps".

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