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September 30, 2016 / 27 Elul, 5776
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4th of July – Gut Yom Tov!


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*All non-medical or psychologically-dictated abortions will be forbidden.

*No women will serve in the army.

*All secular newspapers will be shut down. (Not necessarily. A sports newspaper or economic journal or political newsletter will be permitted. Newspapers who write against the Torah will be closed.)

*Israeli television will be run by a board of Orthodox Rabbis, and Arutz7 and The Jewish Press will be the only authorized Internet news services.

*All computers will be equipped with anti-pornography filters under penalty of large fines.

*Teacher’s salaries will be doubled. (No. They will be increased four times their present rate.)

*Massive funds will be allotted to promote aliyah, and all Jews who refuse to immigrate to Israel within three years will forever forfeit their right of return. (Extensions may be granted in exceptional cases where the need is genuine, based on a Board of Aliyah Rabbis.)

*Haredim will donate the funds to rebuild Gush Katif, and they will do all of the hard labor needed or face imprisonment. (This is because, with certain exceptions like Chabad, and Rabbi Porush, the Haredi parties sat silently by while fellow Jews were thrown out of their homes and stripped of their livelihoods. Members of the Knesset who voted in favor of the Disengagement, if convicted, will receive daily, work passes from prison to join them in the work.)

Any questions?

I don’t understand what caused the big fuss.

Tzvi Fishman

About the Author: Tzvi Fishman was awarded the Israel Ministry of Education Prize for Creativity and Jewish Culture for his novel "Tevye in the Promised Land." A wide selection of his books are available at Amazon. His recent movie "Stories of Rebbe Nachman" The DVD of the movie is available online.

The author's opinion does not necessarily reflect the opinion of The Jewish Press.

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Tzvi Fishman, author of the Jewish Press blog Felafel on Rye and author of more than a dozen books.
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