web analytics
August 28, 2014 / 2 Elul, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat (L) visits the JewishPress.com booth at The Event. And the Winners of the JewishPress.com Raffle Are…

Congratulations to all the winners of the JewishPress.com raffle at The Event



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 12/29/06

By:

Chronicles-logo

We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories by e-mail to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 338 Third Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11215.

To all women, men or children who feel that they are at the end of their ropes, please consider joining a support group, or forming one.

Anyone wishing to make a contribution to help agunot, please send your tax deductible contribution to The Jewish Press Foundation.

Checks must be clearly specified to help agunot. Please make sure to include that information if that is the purpose of your contribution, because this is just one of the many worthwhile causes helped by this foundation.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Plight of Agunos: A Male Perspective

Much has been written over the years about the plight of agunos. One who is friendly with a woman in this situation is especially prone to experiencing a gamut of emotions, including anger, despair, exasperation and fear.

Anger – toward the husband who could be so cruel as to put his wife, whom he supposedly once loved, into a state of helplessness and uncertainty; anger at the Jewish courts for allowing this horrible man to wreak such havoc in another person’s life; anger at the family members who choose sides, whether these are children, parents, siblings, or extended family, who contribute to the obstacles now facing this unfortunate woman.

Despair – at the situation that has caused this injustice; despair for her and for her children’s future; despair due to the inability to correct her situation.

Exasperation – with a system that claims to be just and honest and good.

Fear – of the present, the future, and of what else the tyrant could cause to hurt her.

Compassion for agunos is certainly well placed – however, there are occasions where it is not the “tyrannical” husband who is at fault. This is not the popular view at large, especially in the Brooklyn neighborhood where I reside. In my community, it is always the husband who is to blame.

Some of the women who find themselves dissatisfied or unhappy in their marriage seek rabbinical assistance. Others seek professional counseling. While both these methods can do wonders to set things back on track, there needs to be coordination among all parties to achieve success. In our society a new direction has taken root, a new tree is growing in Brooklyn – TERRORISM.

This does not refer to the abuse that a husband inflicts on his spouse or children. These issues are very real and must be dealt with. I can only condemn and cry for those caught in such a dreadful state of affairs. We need the rabbonim and others to work on this terrible problem, to try to rectify these poor women’s lives.

Nonetheless, when a woman resorts to terrorist means to obtain sole possession of the family home, all its contents and financial stability, she destroys not only the immediate family, but has a major impact on all that surrounds her. With these so-called women’s groups (advocates for the disadvantaged woman), the potential for abuse multiplies hundredfold. While these groups help many, they are also guilty of causing collateral damage – by not investigating if the woman is telling the truth before they start implementing their systematic plan of action.

Emes is not a requirement of these self-appointed psychologists and therapists. The man is guilty until proven innocent. The poor abused women are advised in how to have their husbands arrested, over and over if need be, and how to take the children away from their fathers, even when the children are crying for them. The husbands are thrown out of their homes, their reputations destroyed – all because the woman said so. No investigation is required.

As I have discovered with much dismay, not all of our alleged rabbonim endeavor to achieve the whole truth in these matters. Rather, they choose to make the issues go away as quickly as possible. Since the woman involved is usually the weaker of the twosome, the common course of action is to pressure the husband to give the Get and allow the pair to go on with their individual lives. This is a proper and noble gesture in an uncomfortable and painful situation. Be that as it may, there are instances where the husband is only trying to protect the children and bring about a peaceful resolution to a very difficult circumstance and wife. To persecute these men socially, financially, and emotionally is tantamount to allowing these women free reign to terrorize our communities, our social hierarchy, and most importantly, the children who suffer the misfortune of being caught in the middle.

We must all investigate the situation fully before we proceed with persecution of either party. The damage that can result from such actions can sometimes never be undone. The pain and harm to our children cannot be allowed, especially when the charges are fabricated and untrue. The notion that a man or woman can do whatever s/he pleases, regardless of the effect it will have on the family, is not in accordance with the “frum” lifestyle that the Torah and our rabbonim/mechanchim have espoused throughout the generations.

My wife pleaded to every rav within her radius that she was an agunah. I was persecuted and screamed at; my office was called countless times and asked to fire me; my parents were threatened with rallies against them, and I was physically accosted. I kept insisting that I wanted desperately to give the Get, but I needed assurances that my children would have the necessary access to their father, who only wanted the best for them. I understand that every child needs a mother, however different the parents might be. These women need to nevertheless appreciate that the children also need a father.

I would like to take this opportunity to applaud The Jewish Press for its attitude in these matters. Your fairness allows us all to hold our heads high and to believe that Emes is the best policy. You have proven once again that there is integrity in journalism and that you will not let personal issues cloud the important issues of truth.

I gave the Get, as I always maintained I would – as long as I was reunited with my children who were taken away from me by false allegations, which my wife subsequently admitted to. Once again, you have proven that you will not condone nor publish dishonesty in our midst. And for this, my wonderful children – who are now able to see their father regularly – and I thank you.

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 12/29/06”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Chief Hezbollah terrorist Hassan Nasrallah.
Israeli Arabs Arrested for Lebanon Ties
Latest Sections Stories
Itzhak Perlman and Cantor Yitzchak Meir Helfgot together in concert.

Almost immediately the audience began singing and clapping and continued almost without stop throughout the rest of the concert.

Mordechai-082214-Armoire

As of late, vintage has definitely been in vogue in the Orthodox community.

Einhorn-082214-Water

Stroll through formal gardens, ride mountain bikes, or go rock climbing.

As they fall upon us we go
To the WALL.

One minute you’re shaving shwarma off a pit, then the shwarma guy tells you he read a (fake) WhatsApp that the boys are dead.

I probe a little deeper and Shula takes me into the world of phantom pains and prosthetic limbs.

This went on until she had immersed eighty times, and then Hashem at last took pity upon her.

Because Menachem lives in Israel, he can feel the ruach in the air.

Perhaps you can reach a compromise during this news frenzy, whereby you will feel more comfortable while he can still follow the latest events.

Leon experienced the War of Independence from a soldier’s perspective, while remaining true to his Jewish ideals and beliefs.

Chabad of Arizona centers recently hosted an evening of remembrance to mark the 20th yahrzeit of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

    Latest Poll

    Do you think the FAA ban on US flights to Israel is political?






    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-46/2006/12/27/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: