web analytics
April 20, 2014 / 20 Nisan, 5774
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post
Spa 1.2 Combining Modern Living in Traditional Jerusalem

A unique and prestigious residential project in now being built in Mekor Haim Street in Jerusalem.



Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 12/2/11

By:

Chronicles-logo

Share Button

Dear Rachel,

Why would I even think of arguing with my therapist who had a doctorate in psychology? So having been told I was bisexual, I spent a number of years believing that I would be an outcast in the community until my dying day. I tried to keep this a secret and wondered how I could live the rest of my life in peace.

And then things changed. Not overnight — it took months. I switched to another therapist who had a very different approach to working with gay/bisexual clients. She homed in on the fact that for as far back as I could remember I hardly had any true friends and was often bullied by the other boys, which made me feel like I was some sort of outsider who didn’t belong.

I came to the realization that I was usually attracted to boys who were popular, well liked, and unafraid of others — in other words, everything that I was lacking. And when I say lacking, I refer to feeling empty and worthless inside. I hoped that whatever it was these boys had would rub off on me, and then maybe I would stand a chance at being a normal guy.

My father and I had a good relationship, but what I really needed all those years were real friends who would accept me for who I was. I never had those. My father couldn’t put a stop to the bullying, and I had a fear of going to school. To this day I wonder what would have happened if maybe I had switched schools or had a best friend who accepted me, or I hadn’t been told by my old therapist that I was bisexual and that there was nothing I could do to change that – maybe things would have been different.

Today I thank Hashem that I am happily married, and I daven for those who are still suffering, feeling alone and misunderstood. I know that pain too well, and I wish the community would understand that while gay and bisexual people struggle with a very difficult nisayon, they are still people. They didn’t ask to be this way.

Respectfully yours…

 

Dear Respectful,

Your sad story can serve as a valuable lesson to many a lost soul and corroborates the view that same sex attraction (SSA) can manifest itself as a result of adverse life situations a person may find himself in.

Lacking confidence in your own worth, you looked up to the strong and confident type whom you idolized and wished to model yourself after. In some cases, a boy estranged from or suffering the loss of his father craves that father/son relationship and may find what he seeks in another male he deeply admires — and then is led astray by mistakenly attributing this fondness to a penchant for SSA.

You were fortunate to have sought and obtained the opinion of another therapist who wisely pinpointed the root of your problem rather than ascribe it to the hype so widely and crudely disseminated in our day, much to the detriment of our misguided youth.

Those who suffer and struggle as you have should take a cue from your story and work on uncovering the true origin of their feelings. The recipe for success needs to incorporate a genuine desire to lead a Torah way of life and sincere prayers to Hashem for His guidance.

Thank you for sharing. Your empathy for others in pain is most praiseworthy.

An article of interest recently published in Ḥakirah, the Flatbush Journal of Jewish Law and Thought, comes to our attention just as this column is being readied for publication. Authored by Dr. Joseph Berger (a Toronto based noted psychiatrist with extensive practical and teaching experience), the piece addresses the complexities as pertain to a controversial statement on homosexuality released last summer by a select group of modern orthodox rabbis.

The following are brief quotes from the article that are relevant to this week’s column:

Scientifically it should be clear that what an adult says about his or her sexual thoughts and inclinations as a small child may be dubious and not scientifically valid…regarding the scientific aspects of homosexuality, a proper understanding of the literature demonstrates that there is no solid scientific basis for supporting a claim of a biological origin for homosexuality. Neither is there scientific support for any notion that anyone is born homosexual.

It is quite possible that tendencies may develop at an early age…claims of over-controlling mothers and under – or noninvolved fathers failing to set an adequate male role model, have been forwarded as major psychological contributing factors to the development of homosexual fantasies, needs, wishes and behaviors in men… there is also good clinical evidence based upon numerous published studies showing that significant numbers of people who have previously labeled themselves as homosexual can become comfortably heterosexual with good psychotherapy.

Share Button

About the Author: We encourage women and men of all ages to send in their personal stories via email to rachel@jewishpress.com or by mail to Rachel/Chronicles, c/o The Jewish Press, 4915 16th Ave., Brooklyn, N.Y. 11204. If you wish to make a contribution and help agunot, your tax-deductible donation should be sent to The Jewish Press Foundation. Please make sure to specify that it is to help agunot, as the foundation supports many worthwhile causes.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

No Responses to “Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities – 12/2/11”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
FBI Wanted poster for Osama bin Laden
Pakistan Library Renamed to Honor bin Laden
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

Regardless of age, parents play an important role in their children’s lives.

Marriage-Relationship-logo

We peel away one layer after the next, our eyes tear up and it becomes harder and harder to see as we get closer to our innermost insecurities and fears.

Gorsky-041814-Torah

Some Mountain Jews believe they are descendents of the Ten Lost Tribes and were exiled to Azerbaijan and Dagestan by Sancheriv.

Baim-041814-Piggy

Yom Tov is about spending time with your family. And while for some families the big once-in-a-lifetime experience is great, for others something low key is the way to go.

A fascinating glimpse into the rich complexity of medieval Jewish life and its contemporary relevance had intriguingly emerged.

Dear Dr. Yael:

My heart is breaking; my husband’s friend has gotten divorced. While this type of situation is always sad, here I do believe it could have been avoided.

The plan’s goal is to provide supportive housing to 200 individuals with disabilities by the year 2020.

Despite being one of the fastest-growing Jewish communities in the U.S. – the estimated Jewish population is 70-80,000 – Las Vegas has long been overlooked by much of the Torah world.

She was followed by the shadows of the Six Million, by the ever so subtle awareness of their vanished presence.

Pesach is so liberating (if you excuse the expression). It’s the only time I can eat anywhere in the house, guilt free! Matzah in bed!

Now all the pain, fear and struggle were over and they were home. Yuli was safe and free, a hero returned to his land and people.

While it would seem from his question that he is being chuzpadik and dismissive, I wonder if its possible, if just maybe, he is a struggling, confused neshama who actually wants to come back to the fold.

I agree with the letter writer that a shadchan should respectfully and graciously accept a negative response to a shidduch offer.

Alternative assessments are an extremely important part of understanding what students know beyond the scope of tests and quizzes.

    Latest Poll

    Now that Kerry's "Peace Talks" are apparently over, are you...?







    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-525/2011/11/30/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: