Latest update: March 2nd, 2012
As you can see there are so many variables in your situation that are unknown to me, I implore you to seek professional advice in an effort to figure out precisely what is going on.
I can however suggest to you what I tell my clients: spouses must treat each other like friends.
Sometimes people tend to treat acquaintances, friends or clients better than they treat their own spouses and children. I recall once hearing this story: a wife was so desperate to spend time with her husband that she called his secretary pretending to be a potential client and set up a business lunch. When she showed up her husband was at first angry, but then enjoyed himself and realized that he was not giving the wife he loved enough attention.
Although I gave you a variety of ideas to explore, I really do not know precisely why your husband is behaving in this manner. He probably does not even realize the pain you are enduring due to his behavior. The professional help I recommended earlier will help you figure out what is really causing the problem you face and what you can do to change your mutual communication for the better. I advise you to seek help, even if your husband refuses to join you. In my experience marriages can be improved even if only one spouse is willing to seek counseling. I’ve taught the individual client different countermoves in order to save his or her marriage.
You may be able to make the situation better simply by figuring out how you can change your communicative skills and countermoves. Please keep in mind that even if your husband refuses to get help, you can still get the help you require. You can still change your marriage by learning new moves to counter his moves, thus creating a totally different – and hopefully positive – marriage.
You are not powerless! Please get the help you need by seeing a therapist that is positive, not someone who focuses on the negative. Hatzlachah!Dr. Yael Respler
About the Author: Dr. Yael Respler is a psychotherapist in private practice who provides marital, dating and family counseling. Dr. Respler also deals with problems relating to marital intimacy. Letters may be emailed to email@example.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887. Dr. Orit Respler-Herman, a child psychologist, co-authors this column and is now in private practice providing complete pychological evaluations as well as child and adolescent therapy. She can be reached at 917-679-1612. Previous columns can be viewed at www.jewishpress.com and archives of Dr. Respler’s radio shows can be found at www.dryaelrespler.com.
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