web analytics
May 23, 2015 / 5 Sivan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


The Benefits Of Countermoves: A Follow-Up

Respler-083112-B

I do not like the “silent treatment.” It is passive-aggressive behavior (deeds that are acted out passively but that are, in reality, very mean and aggressive). This behavior is, in essence, extremely manipulative. For instance, jokes at the expense of a spouse (or anyone else) are not funny; they are passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive behavior is generally a result of an inability to express anger in a healthy way. A person’s feelings may be so repressed that they may not even realize they are angry or are feeling resentment. A passive-aggressive individual can drive people around him or her crazy, and does not seem to realize what he or she is doing – even when confronted with the behavior. Due to their lack of insight into their feelings, passive- aggressive people often feel that other people misunderstand them or are holding them to unreasonable standards. Thus, as you mentioned, it would probably be unproductive to confront your husband about his behavior, as it will likely lead him to give you the silent treatment.

If you feel that you need to speak with your husband about the way he is acting, it is best to use the “I feel” message. I usually recommend talking about the way you feel, rather than talking about what you do not like in the other person’s behavior. This is especially important when dealing with someone who uses passive-aggressive defense mechanisms. Make sure to stay away from attacking your husband’s behavior and try instead to make your feelings the topic of the conversation. For example, consider saying something like, “I feel bad when you stop talking to me. It would be much easier for me if you discuss with me what is bothering you.”

My recommendation: change your countermove first and then speak with your husband if he continues to act in this manner. If these ideas are not helpful, please seek professional help. Hatzlachah!

About the Author: Letters may be emailed to deardryael@aol.com. To schedule an appointment, please call 917-751-4887.


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Benefits Of Countermoves: A Follow-Up”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Tzipi Hotovely, new Deputy Foreign Minister.
Foreign Minister Hotovely: Tell the World ‘God Gave Israel to the Jews’
Latest Sections Stories
Schonfeld-logo1

To what extent is your child displaying defiance?

Respler-052215

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

South-Florida-logo

Mistrust that has lingered after the fiasco in Ferguson, Missouri, has edged the issue forward.

“The observance of a kosher diet is a key tenet of Judaism, and one which no state has the right to deny,” said Nathan Diament, executive director for public policy of the Orthodox Union.

Two weeks of intense learning in the classroom about Israel culminated with Yom Ha’Atzmaut. Students attended sessions with their teachers and learned about history, culture, military power, advocacy, slang, cooking, and more.

The nations of the world left the vessel to sit rotting in the water during one of the coldest winters in decades and with its starving and freezing passengers abandoned.

Rabbi Yisroel Edelman, the synagogue’s spiritual leader, declared, “The Young Israel of Deerfield Beach is looking forward to our partnership with the OU. The impact the OU has brought to Jewish communities throughout the country through its outreach and educational resources is enormous and we anticipate the same for our community in Deerfield Beach as well.”

Our goal here is to offer you recipes that you can make on Yom Tov with ingredients you might just have in the house. Enjoy and chag sameach!

Gardening can be a healthy, wholesome activity for the whole family.

Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.

All of these small changes work their way into the framework of the elephant and the rider because they are helping the elephant move forward.

It’s hard not to be intrigued by recipes with names like Thanksgiving Stuffing Soup, Braised Chicken with Rhubarb Gravy and Vidalia Onion Fritters with Sambal Yogurt Dip.

More Articles from Dr. Yael Respler
Respler-052215

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

Respler-051515

Unfortunately, the probability is that he will not see a reason to change as he has been acting this way for a long time and clearly has some issues with respecting women.

Returning to visit my family for Yom Tov has become torturous for me.

Someone close to us knew that you were good at saving marriages and begged us to give therapy one last chance,

My mother-in-law and I have had our problems since the beginning of my marriage.

It is very natural for kids to want attention and to be jealous of each other, especially when there is a new baby.

How can you expect people who go through such gehenom to even know how to give warmth and love?

Isn’t therapy about being yourself; aren’t there different ways for people to communicate with each other?

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/the-benefits-of-countermoves-a-follow-up/2012/08/30/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: