web analytics
January 25, 2015 / 5 Shevat, 5775
 
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


The Case For Manners In Shidduchim


A friend of mine called me recently on her way home from a date. It was 11:30 p.m., and she was walking home from the subway, a 20-minute walk from her home. She said that she had a pleasant time, but was surprised when her date walked her to the subway at the end of the evening and said good night at 11 p.m. “Doesn’t he realize that at this late hour he should be escorting me home?” she cried.

The young man was apparently unaware that he was not displaying the best manners in casually walking his date to a subway station late at night, instead of seeing her safely to her door. Yet this lack of etiquette is unfortunately all too common in today’s dating world.

Another example occurred recently when I set up a young man on a shidduch date. I personally knew him to be bright, good-hearted and open-minded. I was therefore surprised when he called me after his phone call with the prospective date and bluntly told me, “She’s not my type.” He wanted to cancel their plans to meet.

His major concern was that she did not have an appreciation for his favorite genre of music. He said, “I can just tell that she’s not for me. I’m so burnt out lately from dating. I can’t put myself through this.” I empathized with his situation, but I asked him to consider what this would feel like to his date. Perhaps she too has gone through many disappointing experiences lately, and his cancellation would just add to her disillusionment. Despite this, he couldn’t bring himself to go through with the date. Thus I was given the unfortunate task of relaying the news to this girl, who had been looking forward to meeting him.

What Went Wrong?

From the many stories that I have heard, it seems that some men and women are engaging in apparently inconsistent behaviors when it comes to their dating lives. While most are considerate and fine people, when it comes to dating some singles have become so desensitized and self-protective that they are, simply put, not minding their manners.

Some of the most common offenses I have come across lately are:

About the Author: Tzivy Ross Reiter, LCSW-R, is a Director at Ohel Bais Ezra and an advisor to Building Blocks Magazine. She has written extensively about issues related to developmental disabilities and mental health. She is also the author of “Briefcases & Baby Bottles: The Working Mother’s Guide to Nurturing a Jewish Home; Feldheim, 2012.”


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Case For Manners In Shidduchim”

Comments are closed.

SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

Current Top Story
Israel's Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu attends an event held at the International Conference Center in Jerusalem of the Taglit Birthright program, where Netanyahu was the guest speaker. January 14, 2015.
Netanyahu ‘Will Go Anywhere Invited’ to Prevent Iran from Achieving Nuclear Weapons
Latest Sections Stories
Dr. Esther Rose Lowy

Dr. Lowy believed passionately in higher education for both men and women and would stop at nothing to assist young students in achieving their educational goals.

book-Lincoln

It’s almost pointless to try to summarize all of the fascinating information that Holzer’s research unearthed.

The special charm of these letters is their immediacy and authenticity of emotion and description.

Why is there such a steep learning curve for teachers? And what can we, as educators and community activists, do better in the educational system and keep first-year teachers in the job?

Teachers, as well as administrators, must be actively involved in the daily prayers that transpire at a school and must set the bar as dugmaot ishiot, role models, on how one must daven.

Often both girls and boys compare their date to their parents.

We love the food, the hotels, and even the wildlife. We love the Israelis.

Few traces remain of the glory days of Jewish life in the kingdoms of Sicily and Naples, but the demise wasn’t due to the eruption of nearby Mount Vesuvius. Rather it was a manmade volcano called the Edict of Expulsion from Spain – and not even an invitation to return in Shevat of 1740 could […]

Garbage in your streets, my city
Wind-blown litter, lonely men

I love you in your blazing heat
my aching feet
dragging in your streets.

These monsters constantly attack
When we dare to try to fight back

With so many new cases of ADHD reported each year, it is important to help children learn how to sit still.

More Articles from Tzivy Ross Reiter

There has been much made in the media about the stress on marriage and the high rates of divorce affecting couples who have a child with a developmental disability. Yet at the same time, counter studies have been published that refute many of these claims – reporting that this data has been exaggerated and that these families do not have a significantly higher divorce rate.

A friend of mine called me recently on her way home from a date. It was 11:30 p.m., and she was walking home from the subway, a 20-minute walk from her home. She said that she had a pleasant time, but was surprised when her date walked her to the subway at the end of the evening and said good night at 11 p.m. “Doesn’t he realize that at this late hour he should be escorting me home?” she cried.

“I feel mad because my brother is always breaking my things.”

“I wish things weren’t always so hard for him.”

“I feel both happy and sad that she is my sister.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/the-case-for-manners-in-shidduchim/2009/04/29/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: