web analytics
July 5, 2015 / 18 Tammuz, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


The Case For Manners In Shidduchim


A friend of mine called me recently on her way home from a date. It was 11:30 p.m., and she was walking home from the subway, a 20-minute walk from her home. She said that she had a pleasant time, but was surprised when her date walked her to the subway at the end of the evening and said good night at 11 p.m. “Doesn’t he realize that at this late hour he should be escorting me home?” she cried.

The young man was apparently unaware that he was not displaying the best manners in casually walking his date to a subway station late at night, instead of seeing her safely to her door. Yet this lack of etiquette is unfortunately all too common in today’s dating world.

Another example occurred recently when I set up a young man on a shidduch date. I personally knew him to be bright, good-hearted and open-minded. I was therefore surprised when he called me after his phone call with the prospective date and bluntly told me, “She’s not my type.” He wanted to cancel their plans to meet.

His major concern was that she did not have an appreciation for his favorite genre of music. He said, “I can just tell that she’s not for me. I’m so burnt out lately from dating. I can’t put myself through this.” I empathized with his situation, but I asked him to consider what this would feel like to his date. Perhaps she too has gone through many disappointing experiences lately, and his cancellation would just add to her disillusionment. Despite this, he couldn’t bring himself to go through with the date. Thus I was given the unfortunate task of relaying the news to this girl, who had been looking forward to meeting him.

What Went Wrong?

From the many stories that I have heard, it seems that some men and women are engaging in apparently inconsistent behaviors when it comes to their dating lives. While most are considerate and fine people, when it comes to dating some singles have become so desensitized and self-protective that they are, simply put, not minding their manners.

Some of the most common offenses I have come across lately are:

About the Author: Tzivy Ross Reiter, LCSW-R, is a Director at Ohel Bais Ezra and an advisor to Building Blocks Magazine. She has written extensively about issues related to developmental disabilities and mental health. She is also the author of “Briefcases & Baby Bottles: The Working Mother’s Guide to Nurturing a Jewish Home; Feldheim, 2012.”


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “The Case For Manners In Shidduchim”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
Future guard? Arab child with Hamas headband aims toy rifle on the Temple Mount after prayers in the Al Aqsa mosque.
CNN Promotes Old City on Verge of Extinction Due to ‘Political Tension’
Latest Sections Stories
South-Florida-logo

Orlando was once a place where people came only to visit and vacation. Now it is home to a burgeoning Torah community, a place Jewish families can be proud to call home.

South-Florida-logo

The smuggler’s life has been changed forever. He is faced with a major criminal charge. He will probably be sent to prison.

South-Florida-logo

“Thanks to a local philanthropist who shares our core mission, we now are able to connect more Jewish teens to Israel than ever before,” said Todd Cohn, executive director of Southern NCSY.

In September 2013 he was appointed head rabbi of the IDF Central Command and is currently in charge of special projects for the IDF chief rabbinate.

Last month we outlined how a few years after Judah Touro’s death a public movement was inaugurated by the citizens of New Orleans to erect a monument to his memory, and that opposition to this tribute came from a number of rabbis throughout the country who claimed that Judaism forbade the erection of any graven […]

Marceau suggested a dark reason for his wordless art: “The people who came back from the [concentration] camps were never able to talk about it…. My name is Mangel. I am Jewish. Perhaps that, unconsciously, contributed towards my choice of silence.”

Anna Henriques, who hopes to one day head back to Jamaica, says, “Rabbi Raskin must be willing to respect what exists in Jamaica. The way to the future is to gently bring in the traditions of the past and at the same time embrace the idiosyncrasies of the Jamaican people.”

The Silver Platter has it all: gorgeous photography, oodles of useful tips and, more importantly, incredible recipes that you will find yourself making again and again.

It may be that seeking to connect with the past is rooted in the impermanence and impersonality of modern life.

It is very hard to build a healthy marriage when you do not have good role models.

My best book is one that hasn’t been published yet.

We tend to justify and idealize this division with pride attributing these tendencies as demonstrating a higher level of kedushah.

More Articles from Tzivy Ross Reiter

There has been much made in the media about the stress on marriage and the high rates of divorce affecting couples who have a child with a developmental disability. Yet at the same time, counter studies have been published that refute many of these claims – reporting that this data has been exaggerated and that these families do not have a significantly higher divorce rate.

A friend of mine called me recently on her way home from a date. It was 11:30 p.m., and she was walking home from the subway, a 20-minute walk from her home. She said that she had a pleasant time, but was surprised when her date walked her to the subway at the end of the evening and said good night at 11 p.m. “Doesn’t he realize that at this late hour he should be escorting me home?” she cried.

“I feel mad because my brother is always breaking my things.”

“I wish things weren’t always so hard for him.”

“I feel both happy and sad that she is my sister.”

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/marriage-relationships/the-case-for-manners-in-shidduchim/2009/04/29/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: