Responding To Problems With Prayer, School, Secular Music *

Posted on: April 1st, 2011

The principles of Relationship Theory (where the greater the relationship, the greater the ability parents have to connect to their teenager) can help address some of the key issues facing teenagers today including: problems concentrating during prayers, difficulty in school, listening to secular music, smoking, rude behavior and alcohol and drug abuse.

Fantasy And Fury

Posted on: January 12th, 2011

The couple had barely completed their brief intake papers, which included a small handwriting sample, when, her eyes blazing with fury, the wife pounded on the small table between us and yelled, "He has to grow up! I need a husband who is a real partner, not a lazy good-for-nothing who won't take responsibility and is totally clueless about my needs!" Her husband sat hunched in his chair, looking like a hapless cat which had somehow survived the spin cycle in a washing machine.

Mirror Your Child’s Feelings

Posted on: January 5th, 2011

One of the most important skills good listeners have is the ability to put themselves in the shoes of others or to empathize with the speaker by attempting to understand his or her thoughts and feelings. As a parent, try to mirror your teenagers’ feelings by repeating them.

Teenage Internet Addiction

Posted on: December 22nd, 2010

Is Internet addiction the main cause of today's at-risk crisis? It's a topic most people shy away from, but it's one that needs to be addressed. Everyday more and more teens are getting hooked on the Internet and the effect of surfing may be taking its toll on our youth.

Acing The Interview: How To Get That Great Job!

Posted on: December 15th, 2010

Shaindy and Tova have both just earned their degrees and are eager to enter the job market. Both young women are highly qualified, and both are well equipped with impressive resumes and a long list of prestigious references. But while Shaindy finds employment almost instantly, Tova finds herself wandering aimlessly from one interview to another, never quite landing the job that she's looking for. What's the difference between the two young ladies? Shaindy prepared herself for the interview process in advance. She knew how to present herself and what to say. Tova, unfortunately, did not.

Are You A Good Parent?

Posted on: November 24th, 2010

Psychologists study ways to help people find authentic happiness. Researchers report that using one's strengths allows for greater creativity, productivity and excellence. While theses are all the ingredients for professional and career success, they have also been found to work in people's personal lives as well. Utilizing personal strengths yields greater happiness and feelings of well being.

Communicating Effectively (Part V)

Posted on: November 17th, 2010

Having parented a struggling adolescent for several years, Yael was expecting that life would be different for her now twenty-year old son. She was, and still is, an excellent student, diligently applying the tools she has been gaining in our coaching sessions. Harmony and peace has returned to her home, and the relationship (with her son) she was working on mending has become a reality. Admittedly, she attributes the restored relationship to a parenting methodology she has undertaken -- the love-tough approach.

Winning The Blame Game; Losing The War: Teaching Responsibility to Our Children

Posted on: November 11th, 2010

Schools have long been grading students on responsibility. But in recent years, teachers report that marks in responsibility have been plummeting. This is an alarming phenomenon - but it is not a coincidence. Responsibility is becoming a rare virtue.

How To Talk With Our Children About Personal Safety

Posted on: October 27th, 2010

This is a handy little jingle for parents to keep in mind, but even though it's short, my rhyme is not for little children. In order to adequately prepare our children we must first be aware of the red flags ourselves. Then we need to schedule an "annual check-up" with our children and clearly and calmly bring up the subject of personal safety.

Reframing (continued from October 15, 2010)

Posted on: October 27th, 2010

In this series we have covered many of the major ways to understand what makes a teenager tick. Now it's time to put all the pieces together and work towards restarting the relationship between you and your teenager.

Celebrating Jen

Posted on: October 20th, 2010

What a beautiful woman. Really - in every sense of the word. She was beautiful in appearance, beautiful in conduct, beautiful in spirits and wow, what a beautiful mother, wife and daughter.

Reframing

Posted on: October 14th, 2010

Over the past few months we have discussed many of the major ways in which we can understand what makes a teenager tick. Now let's put all the pieces together and work towards restarting the relationship between you and your teenager.

Grown Up And Still Struggling: Journal Of An Adult With Attention Deficit Disorder

Posted on: October 14th, 2010

I sometimes encourage the people I work with to keep a record of their progress. But when one client told me that she had actually started a journal shortly before she began seeing me, I was very pleased. I asked her to allow me to publish the entries that pertain to ADD, so that people in the community can identify themselves and learn from the coping techniques that helped her.

The Price Of Nice

Posted on: October 6th, 2010

Kindness is such an essential Jewish trait that we are told to suspect that a cruel person is not really Jewish. The media constantly uplifts us with inspirational stories about saintly people who radiated love to their fellowman and did their utmost to avoid hurting others. Yet we are also told, "Those who are kind to the cruel will eventually be cruel to the kind" (Koheles Raba 7:16). It is not a kindness to allow ourselves to be abused, exploited or manipulated. By not taking protective action when possible, we encourage destructive behavior. The following stories are examples of naïve and trusting people who paid a heavy price for being overly "nice."

Moshe Drops Out of School

Posted on: September 28th, 2010

A few years ago, a couple, Sarah and Joseph, came to see me about their son Moshe, sixteen, who was experiencing extreme difficulty in school. Moshe did not have any serious learning problems. In fact, he was exceptionally bright and capable of succeeding in school. His problem was that he was frequently missing class. Recently he had started leaving school and spending time in an unknown location. Moshe's parents were naturally concerned for his future.

Cinderella – The Story Behind The Story

Posted on: September 28th, 2010

Ever since I become a stepmother I have not been able to stop this nagging feeling that there just may be more to the story of Cinderella. The well-known fairy tale of the forlorn, young, beautiful girl stuck in an oppressive home as the maidservant to her stepmother and stepsisters after her father's death somehow left me yearning for more details. There must be missing chapters somewhere or perhaps the story has only been told from the perspective of Cinderella and her perceptions during a grief stricken time in her life.

Say Goodbye to Painfully Shy: The Rationale for Shidduch Coaching

Posted on: September 21st, 2010

Lately, Yocheved has been waking up at night worrying about her daughter, Shevi. Shevi is pursuing a degree in speech therapy. Yocheved knows that Shevi has always been an A student and that she will succeed in all academic areas. She is already doing great work with stroke victims as they attempt to gain back their speech. Shevi's teachers report to Yocheved that all of the people she works with immediately take to her, pushing themselves to work harder because they want to impress her. So, why does Shevi have so much trouble going on dates?

The Most Important Things In Life Are Invisible

Posted on: September 21st, 2010

In today's world of mounting pressures and continuous change, we need to take a few minutes to reset our perspectives and figure out what matters most.

Communicating Effectively (Part IV)

Posted on: September 16th, 2010

Toxic Language Tishrei — and the yom tov pattern returns! Of which pattern am I speaking, you ask? If we were to identify the main aspects of each of the holidays during this month, generally speaking, and in rather simplistic behavioral terms, the pattern of the night and following day might look something along the [...]

There Is Nothing New Under The Sun – Or Is There?

Posted on: September 1st, 2010

From Ecclesiastes we learn the expression "there is nothing new under the sun" and when you read history you see how true this is. From cults to politics it seems as if nothing is really ever new. That also includes technology. While a certain invention or discovery can be classified as new, we often find it in nature much earlier. Arctic fish used anti-freeze in their bloodstreams long before people put it in their cars. There are airplanes, but birds flew much earlier; there are satellites, but the moon was there earlier. Whales are better than submarines and as for nuclear fusion; the sun and stars had that worked out long before we did.