Parenting Our Children

In truth, we all try hard to be absolutely honest. We even point out a mistake in our favor to the cashier checking out our groceries.

A lot of people have heard about dyslexia, a learning disability that concerns reading.

While it once may have been possible to shelter our children from inappropriate exposure to sexuality, today it seems to be an impossible goal. Even parents who have made every effort to appropriately safeguard their family may find themselves unhappily surprised at what their child's friends have exposed him to. In addition, outdoor secular media such as billboards, bus ads and newspaper covers portray disturbingly graphic images that force us to confront the fact that our children are being exposed to ideas and ways of life we may consider to be harmful to their souls and their mental health.

The alarm clock rings and Chaim pulls his pillow over his head to stifle the screeching noise. Mornings are Chaim’s least favorite part of the day; they always end in someone yelling. In truth, mornings are difficult for most of us, but particularly so for those who struggle with basic skills that are labeled “executive function” skills.

Psychologists and journalists argue that in this new age of parenting, we are producing entitled and spoiled children.

In all honesty, I really do feel blessed. Interestingly though only someone in a family situation like mine could possibly comprehend this particular "blessing," and many would not consider it a blessing at all. You see I feel fortunate to have not one, but two wonderful women in my life – both of whom happen to be my mothers-in-law, one from my first marriage and one from my second.

Dr. Yael Respler is taking a well-deserved vacation this week and asked Eilon Even-Esh to share some thoughts with her readers in her stead.

In a recent New York Times article, Robert Lipsyte, a sports author, posed the following question: “Boys and Reading: Is There Any Hope?” For years, I have been dealing with this question in my office. In fact, the U.S. Department of Education’s reading tests for the last thirty years show boys scoring worse than girls in every age group, every year.

Many schools and professionals have only one method or set of methods for remedying reading or language problems. Students who don't fit that profile exasperate those who are working with them.

Explosiveness is not confined to a type or a gender. It comes in male and female children, and in all ages, shapes and sizes. Some blow up dozens of times a day, others just a few times a week. Some “lose it” only at home, others only in school, and still others in any conceivable location.

This scared her immensely. After all, she was terrible with numbers.

It’s important to understand that these triggers aren’t necessarily wrong.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz: Recently, I bought a book on the planets that begins with a description of a 15 billion-year-old world. Can I read that book to my children and discuss with them the fact that there are people (even smart people) in the world who believe this, yet help them understand our belief that the Torah - which is the emes - teaches us that the world is 5,768 years old? I want my children to know that there are people who incorrectly believe this, and I also would like them to hear this from me - and not from someone who doesn't have proper hashkafos. At the same time, I understand that the theory of evolution is not accepted in the Torah world. I hope I am not putting you in an uncomfortable position with this question. Sara

The argument raged on in its typical, predictable way. It was a one-sided argument where he ranted at her for something or other that she was guilty of, something he felt made her deserving of a punishment tantamount to "verbal death."

“Oh. I was just thinking about you. How was your day?” Ruti’s mother asked her the minute she walked through the door. “Fine, Mommy.”

I recently saw a sign that read: "There are a million reasons for abuse, but not a single excuse." Sharon* (name has been changed) came into my office last week after being a client for almost a year. Over the past few weeks, she has been working towards disclosing a "secret." Finally, through an established trusting relationship, Sharon was ready to tell me her "secret." She is 16 years old and has had a 19-year-old boyfriend for almost a year. She was finally able to disclose to me how abusive this young man has been to her. Having told me of various forms of abuse, she also stated how angry she is at him, while at the same time she says that she cares for him.

All of her friends were telling her that Chaim was just stubborn and gave her millions of suggestions of how to “nip it in the bud.” But, Zahava wasn’t sure.

All of us wish to act in kind, compassionate and intelligent ways. We all wish to build character.

Ruth had just recently discovered (from another parent) that Toby had been secretly dating a boy for over a year. When she confronted Toby about her boyfriend, Toby had adamantly refused to admit that she was secretly seeing anyone. Ruth was extremely distraught to realize that her daughter would do something against her wishes and asked if I could help.

In last week’s column, two parents asked how to better motivate their children (a 12-year-old girl and 8-year-old boy) to improve their davening. In the response, we discussed four prerequisites for inspired tefillah – for adults – and some of the ramifications as they pertain to the chinuch of our children.

Kriah teachers continually search for ways to combat tedium and monotony in reading practice.

There’s a lot of work taking place during adolescence that is necessary for teens to develop core character traits for the future. Teens who test boundaries and who have the passion to explore are working on themselves.

Have you ever experienced a scenario similar to the following? "My son, Ari (fictitious name) had been making an effort to study so he could get good grades. We arranged for twice a week tutoring in the evening, and that was after a long day at school. He wants to succeed. All children want to succeed. He'd like to see comments such as "great job" at the top of his homework. He'd also prefer having test sheets with fewer red X's and "F's" at the top of his papers (circled for emphasis in the event the "F" goes unnoticed).

When someone with a fixed mindset has a negative interaction with a friend or loved one, he or she immediately projects that rejection onto him or herself saying: “I’m unlovable.”

What is Selective Mutism? It is a child suffering in silence.

As children move from infancy into middle and later childhood, they have a growing need for control over their environment. To meet this need, teenagers must be given reasonable power to make choices about what they eat, whom they play with, and what extracurricular activities they participate in.

People who have OCD have a hard time making decisions, even relatively simple ones, such as what to eat for lunch and what shirt to wear to work, fearing that a wrong choice could end up having disastrous consequences for themselves or others.

Dear Rabbi Horowitz: We find ourselves faced with an increasingly challenging experience each year when midwinter break comes around. Some of our children's friends go on expensive vacations with their families, and our kids are asking us to send them on similar trips. Our children are respectful whenever they discuss this with us, but there is a clear sense that they feel "left out" because they don't go to the exotic location like some of their friends.

Chaim Schwartz* is the recognized genius of the class. He gets 100% on every test, understands the most difficult Gemaras and makes complicated math computations in his head in seconds. But for all his genius he can't seem to make a single friend.

Kindness is such an essential Jewish trait that we are told to suspect that a cruel person is not really Jewish. The media constantly uplifts us with inspirational stories about saintly people who radiated love to their fellowman and did their utmost to avoid hurting others. Yet we are also told, "Those who are kind to the cruel will eventually be cruel to the kind" (Koheles Raba 7:16). It is not a kindness to allow ourselves to be abused, exploited or manipulated. By not taking protective action when possible, we encourage destructive behavior. The following stories are examples of naïve and trusting people who paid a heavy price for being overly "nice."