web analytics
May 30, 2015 / 12 Sivan, 5775
At a Glance
Sections
Sponsored Post


Talking With Your Mouth Full

Schmutter-logo

Dear M.,

Be yourself. If you don’t want to speak, and you’re somehow speaking anyway, there’s a pretty good chance it’s because other people want to hear you speak. In that case, they already like you, and you have nothing to worry about. If you volunteered to speak, that’s where you have to worry. But people who volunteer never do.

I actually have this issue too. I’ve always been nervous about speaking in public, which is why I became a writer. I figured that all my communication could be done in writing, and I’d never have to talk to anybody. But now things are going in a direction, unfortunately, where people keep booking me to do stand-up comedy, so I’m kind of learning on the job. I find it works to stick in jokes.

Of course, it also depends on the event. Sometimes you’re at an event where no one really wants to hear a speech AND you don’t want to give one. What do you do then?

The main thing is to try to figure out why you’re nervous. Obviously, you’re nervous that you’re going to mess up, and it’s all anyone is going to remember for the rest of their lives, especially if someone had the bright idea of videotaping your performance.

The key, then, is to make sure that no one’s paying attention, and of course to disable the video camera. I find that what most people do is try to be as boring as they possibly can. You want the sound of snoring to drown out your microphone. And if you do this, no one will ask you to speak ever again. So everyone wins.

But if you don’t want to be that boring and you still don’t want people to notice your every mistake, you should definitely put out cake. No one will give you his full attention if there’s cake. This is why there’s cake at bar mitzvahs. Because really, what does turning 13 have to do with cake?

Anyway, that’s it for now. Feel free to send in any questions or comments, but don’t expect me to get to them right away, because there’s cake.

About the Author:


If you don't see your comment after publishing it, refresh the page.

Our comments section is intended for meaningful responses and debates in a civilized manner. We ask that you respect the fact that we are a religious Jewish website and avoid inappropriate language at all cost.

If you promote any foreign religions, gods or messiahs, lies about Israel, anti-Semitism, or advocate violence (except against terrorists), your permission to comment may be revoked.

No Responses to “Talking With Your Mouth Full”

Comments are closed.

Current Top Story
What's happened to NYC's Celebrate Israel Parade?
Israel Rejects as ‘False’ UJA Federation’s Claims about Israel Parade ‘Inclusion’
Latest Sections Stories
Respler-logo-NEW

When I complain, she tells me it is retail therapy.

West-Coast-logo

Tal Dimenstein has been selected to present her ELI Talk about Appreciation during this year’s conference in Chicago.

How is it possible that some of our people cannot see what I see, the miracle of the existence of the state of Israel?

Birobidzhan railway station sign is the world’s only one spelling the town’s name in Yiddish letters

She’s seen as a poster child for The Jewish Home’s efforts to reach beyond its Orthodox base.

Girls don’t usually learn Gemara. Everyone knows that.

Mordechai and his men shared a strong mutual loyalty.

“Can I wear tefillin in the bathroom?” That was the question US Private Nuchim Lebensohn wrote to Mike Tress, president of the Agudath Israel Youth Council, in a letter dated November 18, 1942. Lebensohn was not your typical young American GI. Polish by birth, he was forty-three years old and married when he was drafted […]

To what extent is your child displaying defiance?

This therapist kept focusing on how “I could do better,” never on how we could make the marriage work.

Mistrust that has lingered after the fiasco in Ferguson, Missouri, has edged the issue forward.

“The observance of a kosher diet is a key tenet of Judaism, and one which no state has the right to deny,” said Nathan Diament, executive director for public policy of the Orthodox Union.

More Articles from Mordechai Schmutter
Schmutter-050815

For the most part, though, people tend to base their decision on how long the lines in the store are going to be.

Schmutter-M-NEW-logo

Now that Pesach is over, we return you to your regularly-scheduled pressing questions:   Dear Mordechai, Can I use a nose hair trimmer during Sefirah? Harry Lipman   Dear Harry, Yes, as long as your nose hairs are so bad that they’re affecting your job. Like if you have a desk job, and they interfere […]

So generally, I dance for a few minutes and then stand off to the side with all the other people who don’t dance and feel like they have to make conversation, even though that’s when the music is the loudest.

Imagine you were a doctor, and then, one day a year, everyone tried his or her hand at surgery.

Dear Mordechai,
How do I prevent my Smartphone from breaking the first time I drop it?
Shattered in Pieces

Because you can’t have kids pouring huge jugs of oil into tiny glasses, unless you want to turn your house into an environmental disaster.

So the real question is, “How can we, as hosts, make sure our guest beds are comfortable?” Because your guests will never say anything.

Though if you do have a schach mat, you’ll realize that it cannot actually support the weight of the water.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/magazine/potpourri/talking-with-your-mouth-full/2012/01/12/

Scan this QR code to visit this page online: