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Posts Tagged ‘Dear Rachel’

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Thursday, May 24th, 2012

Eternal Life… Attainable? Dear Rachel,

My problem is so “out of the box” that you might choose not to address it. I am a man considered immensely successful. Indeed, I am fortunate to have lucked out both where money and romance are concerned — contrary to that old saying that goes something like “no luck in love, luck in money.”

I have also been blessed with good health and a beautiful family. So what could possibly be bothering me, you must be thinking…

Bluntly stated, it is the thought of having to leave my fabulous fortune behind one day. Oh, I know my prosperity will benefit my children and grandchildren down the line, but somehow it still seems futile to me to have amassed such opulence and to be unable to be around forever to enjoy it.

As crazy as it sounds, I crave eternal life. How do I overcome this fixation (which, by the way, I have divulged to no one)?

I am fully aware that our religion espouses eternal life in the hereafter and that the only possessions we carry with us beyond this existence are the merits we have accrued in our lifetime. (I mention this to spare you the trouble of lecturing me on what I am already well acquainted with.)

Please don’t recommend that I seek psychiatric counseling — out of the question! I’d have a lot of explaining to do to my wife; besides, I have no intention of sharing my hidden preoccupation with anyone.

I was rather hoping you would have some words of wisdom for me in your arsenal of advice.

Middle-aged and graying quickly Dear Graying,

It’s only fair to say that the majority of us share your reluctance to leave this world behind. Our reasoning, however, is where we part company. Whereas most of us hope to live long productive lives and to be around to reap the fruits of our labor in the form of nachas for generations to come, we readily concede that our ultimate fate is not in our hands.

Nevertheless, believe it or not, you are in good company. There once lived a king who had everything money could buy, and then some, and in his legendary reign he too experienced a stage remarkably similar to yours.

At the apex of his monarchy, as he was luxuriating in a lifestyle none of us could ever fathom, he began to bemoan the fact that he’d one day need to leave his lavish lifestyle and vast kingdom behind.

One day, as he strolled the grounds of his lush estate and dwelled upon man’s inevitable bitter end, a beautiful bird with a small golden pitcher in its mouth caught his attention. Shlomo HaMelech, who had the ability to communicate with the creatures of the earth, inquired about the origin and content of the pitcher.

The bird let the king know that it had just arrived from Gan Eden and that the pitcher held a small amount of water of “eternal life” for the one who would drink it. The bird then placed the pitcher at the king’s feet and flew away.

The king exulted in this unexpected turn of events, his melancholy mood lifting instantly. The wisest of all men, however, felt his heart and mind cautioning him to be wary of taking a life-altering step that may prove to be irreversible.

After concealing the little golden pitcher behind a giant old tree, Shlomo HaMelech left for the Bais Hamikdash to confer with his trusted advisers. Upon hearing of the king’s wondrous find, they urged him to go for it, genuinely wanting their beloved king to be happy and to live forever.

The king suddenly noticed that his most trusted confidante was not among them. Since he wouldn’t undertake such a serious move without the input of Nosson HaNavi (who was ill at the time), the king instructed that the old prophet be brought to him on his bed.

After confiding his feelings of late to the prophet, as well as the incident that had recently transpired, Shlomo HaMelech posed his all-consuming question: to drink [the special water] or not to drink. Nosson HaNavi asked him whether anyone was permitted to drink it, or only the king…

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Thursday, May 17th, 2012

Mother-in-Law in a bind… or is she?

Dear Rachel,

I need sympathy and you sound like the type of person who would understand where I’m coming from. Here we are, finally at the stage where our kids are all grown, baruch Hashem, and raising families of their own, and we can sit back and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Okay, sit back may not be totally accurate since my husband and I are both still working in order to be able to maintain our standard of living.

Please don’t get me wrong; we are far from well to do (we don’t even own our own home), but we are not the couch-potato type and are grateful to have the ability to lead active lives. The extra cash my job brings in also makes it easier for me to spoil my grandchildren — one of life’s little joys. Until recently, that is…

Two of our granddaughters were having birthdays just weeks apart. Our son and his family live quite a distance away, but with that being a surmountable issue, I happily shopped on my lunch break for some nice gifts for the two girls. (A younger sib had been the recipient of my generosity just a couple of months earlier when he had his Chumash party, and the baby’s birthday was still several months away.)

I gave the wrapped-up gifts to a co-worker who happens to live in their vicinity, and I phoned my son to let him know that my co-worker would be in touch with them. As for me, I could hardly wait for the girls to see what I bought them and could just picture their reaction.

My enthusiasm was short-lived — when my son called me later that day to ask if the gifts were only for his daughters and to let me know that my gesture wasn’t sitting well with his wife. My daughter-in-law, he went on to explain somewhat awkwardly, felt that it was not right to exclude the other children.

I pointed out that the girls were celebrating birthdays and reminded him of the occasions when their other children had been the recipients of my big heart, but I may as well have talked to myself. The bottom line, apparently set by his wife, was gifts for all or for none. Period.

I was floored, to put it mildly, but the last thing I wanted was to get between my son and daughter-in-law, so I just let it go. My husband had no qualms about the solution: Return the gifts for a cash refund and forget about it.

I did exactly that, and there’s been no mention of the incident since.

Here comes graduation and I can’t ignore it, Rachel. How should I handle this?

What’s up with daughters-in law?

Dear What’s Up,

Nothing new. It’s ages old, well known and documented — there’s just something there (between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law). That’s not to say that there aren’t any who get along famously, but generally speaking, it is not an easy relationship. Even the Gemara concurs and sums up the friction as rooted in a mother-in-law’s resentment at seeing all that she has entrusted to her son bestowed on his wife. The daughter-in-law senses the vibes her husband’s mother gives off and reciprocates in kind. One’s heart reflecting the other’s heart…

Your letter makes no reference to past contentions between the two of you that might have precipitated this incident. Regardless, let’s keep in mind that daughters-in-law are as entitled to their moods as the rest of us overworked and underappreciated women.

Still, this is no reason for you to “ignore” upcoming graduations and other occasions you wish to acknowledge. One resolution that works for many grandparents, for a myriad of practical reasons, is to let your grandchildren choose their own gifts — with the money you give them, or with gift certificates they are bound to appreciate.

Come graduation, hand it to the graduate, preferably in a card that can contain a personal message from bubby. If you can’t make it there, put the card (with check or gift certificate enclosed) in the mail — you know, the old-fashioned kind that requires a stamp on the envelope and address in longhand.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Thursday, May 10th, 2012

Dear Rachel,

As parents to a handful of boys, I’d say we have our hands full. Seriously, I realize that boys will be boys and I know we should be grateful that they’re not a bunch of sissies. But what we hadn’t counted on was our eldest – the supposedly mature one – endlessly picking fights with his younger brothers.

Rachel, I’m not talking about squabbles over something tangible; I mean unprovoked physical altercations, blows that hurt and lead to wailing and shrieks of pain by our younger children who honestly don’t ask for it.

This has been going on for quite some time now, and as nerve-wracking as the noise and mayhem have been, up until last week we just chalked it up to sibling rivalry, figuring that it had to do with the attention that was diverted from our oldest with each new addition to the family.

We’ve reasoned with Yonie (not his real name), tried charts with a reward system for good behavior, and even instituted special dates with mommy or daddy (where one child gets to enjoy the exclusive attention of one of his parents on an outing) on a rotating basis. Every time we think we’ve made progress, it’s back to square one a day or two later.

Like I said, until last week — when our son pounced on someone else’s child, a kid almost half his age. This was something new and something we weren’t going to tolerate.

That night we sat him down, determined to get to the bottom of what was driving our bechor –who, believe it or not, is otherwise a shy and soft-spoken soul – to act out in such bizarre fashion.

After endless prodding and seemingly getting nowhere, a question asked by his father led to the shocking revelation that our son was being hounded relentlessly by a school bully — on the school bus, on a daily basis, for almost two years now!! Further prompting brought to light that Yonie (of slight build) had a fear of his tormentor who was “much bigger than me.”

It began to dawn on us that our 12-year old son has been acting out his own frustration and “getting even” by pummeling his weaker younger brothers, and inadvertently teaching them all how to be bullies! My husband was also very concerned about Yonie’s lack of resilience in not standing up to the bully.

Hopefully, we will be able to reverse the damage that has been eating away at our boys. We’ve already been to the school to speak to the principal and will follow up to make sure that appropriate action is taken.

In the meanwhile, my message to parents is not to chalk up their child’s odd or out-of-character behavior to “a passing phase” or “sibling rivalry.” Get to the bottom of it — the sooner the better.

P.S. I don’t refer to a public school in Anytown, USA; our children attend a cheder in a baalbatish yeshivish community.

Still Shaken…

Dear Shaken,

Children in schools the world over are being affected by the scourge of bullying — so much so that there’s been a mound of research done to try and evaluate the extent, the causes and effects on both aggressor and victim, and the best course of action to take to protect our vulnerable children.

Bullying comes in the form of repeated physical, verbal or psychological assault, usually directed at victims who are unable to defend themselves. Now, this doesn’t mean that parents should suddenly consider their children’s quarrels among themselves or with their peers as bullying. A fight or argument, especially between equals in physical size and strength, doesn’t constitute bullying.

So what makes a child vulnerable and susceptible to being picked on this way? A whole host of things, in fact, such as a lack of verbal skills that impedes self-expression; the craving of attention; physical clumsiness; shyness; low self-esteem or even the lack of ability to build friendships.

If you’re wondering why your son never spoke to you or complained about the bullying, studies have shown that most victims don’t tell their parents or teachers for fear that they will not be believed and/or they feel that nothing will be done about it. Victims are also prone to fearing retaliation, as well as embarrassment, at being unable to stand up for themselves.

Your husband, by the way, may not be doing his son any favor by encouraging him to take on the bully. Without adult intervention, this can chas v’sholom end up causing Yonie physical harm.

In contrast to those parents who choose to look away when their children get involved in altercations with others outside their home, you did the right thing by taking your son to task about his unacceptable behavior. In addition, his low self-confidence will be boosted by your show of support and caring.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

Dear Rachel,
Since you helped me in the past with a really serious issue, I was hoping you’d have good advice for me again. This time the problem involves one of our children, and it’s become an exasperating and somewhat worrying situation. Let me explain.

Our only daughter is ten years old, quite mature for her age (actually a real mother’s helper), is a good and conscientious student, sensitive and affectionate, and suffers from – of all things – insomnia! No matter when she goes to sleep or how tired she is, she either lies awake for hours or falls asleep briefly and then wakes up and is unable to fall back asleep for a good while.

This is taking a toll on her affable personality and I fear her studies will suffer as well. For a short period of time I gave her melatonin supplements that seemed to help, but I wasn’t comfortable with the concept (although I know many parents who resort to this method of getting their children to sleep).

Any advice you have for us will be welcome and appreciated.

Restless over our daughter’s restlessness

Dear Restless,
Your brief letter is missing many details. For starters, you indicate that your daughter helps out with the care of a younger sibling (or more than one). Could she possibly be feeling overwhelmed by playing mommy, especially on school nights when presumably she has studying assignments to complete?

As a “conscientious” student, can she be feeling pressured to keep her grades up in order to maintain your admiration and approval?

Other considerations to take into account: Food intake right before bedtime can cause sleeplessness — especially the sugary and fatty kind that stimulate the mind or can create enough physical discomfort to keep a child – or adult – from being able to fall asleep.

Does your daughter sleep in a room by herself in a calm atmosphere, or does she share? Is there light in the room or filtering in from the outside? Exposure to light prohibits the circulation of melatonin (the hormone that promotes sleep), while darkness makes it kick in naturally.

Is your daughter privy to adult conversation in the home that involve troublesome events or is revealing of your own worries about private or world affairs — the kind that could keep her from getting a peaceful night’s sleep?

Generally speaking, we are a sorely sleep-deprived people who tend to feel we are missing out while we snooze. In actuality, the opposite is true; our quality of life is directly affected by the quantity (and quality) of our sleep.

The National Institute of Health considers our average less-than-7-hours as chronically insufficient and cites a requirement of 7-1/2 to 9 hours of sleep a night for an adult to function at a maximum level. (Children require more.)

No, it’s not normal to be feeling drowsy while driving in heavy traffic, or to feel like your eyelids are glued shut upon being wakened by an alarm clock. In fact, the inability to awaken without the ringing of an alarm is an indication of a lack of sleep.

The ramifications of sleep deprivation, aside from midday exhaustion, range from moodiness and irritability to reduced immunity (leading to frequent colds and infections), while the benefits of adequate sleep are immeasurable. As we sleep, our body and brain get an overhaul and all of our cells are rejuvenated. Small wonder that sleep is said to be as nourishing to a healthy mind and body as food.

Dr. Mehmet Oz correlates inadequate sleep (6 hours or less per night) with serious health issues, among them obesity, cancer and heart disease. But don’t we all know someone who seems to function fine on little sleep? Researchers at the University of California have discovered that a rare gene, appearing in less than 3% of the population, enables one to do well on six or fewer hours of sleep. (That leaves 97% of us in desperate need of more shuteye.)

The reader who is skeptical of “modern-day” studies cited by researchers, doctors and health institutes would do well to note the Rambam’s prescription (from over 800 years ago) of eight hours of sleep a night for overall health.

Our average sleep needs according to age (courtesy of the National Sleep Foundation): Newborns (0-2 months) – 12-18 hours; infants (3 months to 1 year) – 14-15 hours; toddlers (1 to 3 years) – 12-14 hours; preschoolers (3 to 5 years) – 11–13 hours; school-aged children (5-12 years) – 10-11 hours; teens and preteens (12 to 18 years) – 8.5-10 hours; adults (18+) – 7.5-9 hours.

In the absence of underlying health issues (ruled out by her pediatrician), you may want to consider having your daughter visit a youth counselor/therapist to try to get at the root of what is causing her restless nights.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Thursday, April 26th, 2012

In our March 30th column, a male reader offered advice to the woman involved in a relationship with a married man who has yet to make good on his promise to divorce his wife. “Been there and done the right thing” claimed to speak from both a male perspective and experience; he too had cheated on his wife (with a coworker he’d fallen in love with) but had within a six-month time frame divorced his wife and “started fresh.”

The following letter, submitted by yet another male reader, takes “Been there” to task.

Dear Rachel,

In opposition to Mr. Been There, I would like to stake my claim on the male perspective (concerning the cheating husband). My qualification…? Simply, I haven’t left a slew of miserable and scarred family members in my wake while pursuing whatever “floats my boat” at the moment.

A successful life consists of self-control at every turn, be it when focusing on one’s studies as a student, maintaining proper ethical standards in the business world, or seeing the real priorities in relationships and family life and acting accordingly. Mr. Been There lays claim to being qualified to offer up the male perspective without exhibiting a shred of self-control in his own life.

In defense of his lack of self-control, Mr. Been There and ‘Done the Right Thing’ (HAH!!) claims that “men are cold and callous,” that “it is a man’s world,” and that men “have the power to get on with our lives if need be.” In this way, believing he is simply a typical male, he rationalizes his behavior. (Notice what little emphasis he places on the fact that he “cheated on his wife” and “lost contact with his children.”) While his situation may have changed, his attitude sure hasn’t.

The real perspective on life – whether male or female – is uncomplicated. One should live one’s life in a way that allows him or her to look in the mirror at the end of each day and say, “I am a good parent, spouse, friend and human being.” If someone like this guy presses REWIND on his life and gets disgusted while watching, he may have to concede that he hasn’t “done the right thing” after all.

Time to look in the mirror

The following was written in response to the third letter in that same column. The reader who signed himself “Keeping our Children Safe” outlined an approach that he felt was indispensable in thwarting the evil acts of the child abuser/molester in our midst.

Dear Rachel,

Several years ago, a “reputable” rabbi molested many children — including my son. What was most aggravating, frustrating and deplorable was the reaction of many frum communities who refused to hold this rabbi to the coals, who wrote many letters to papers excoriating the reporting of his despicable actions, and tried every which way to exculpate him by citing “all the good he has done.”

First person accounts were treated rudely and were an affront to the victims. Many rabbis of shuls refused to ban him, even as they were aware of his reputation that dogged him for years.

I will be eternally grateful to Gary Rosenblatt, editor and publisher of the Jewish Week, as he broke the story that allowed everyone to know what was up until then kept a secret by so many. Till that article appeared, I was forced to remain silent. My mother/my lawyer advised me that unless there was a corroborating witness, only my son would be reviled. He knew of others, but their parents refused to go “against” a rabbi. However, once that article appeared, kids and names came out of the woodwork. CORROBORATION!

The writer in your column was 100% correct… and a breath of fresh air. Believe your child, protect your child, and no one is above the law — NO ONE!!!

Had the greater frum community actively and publicly condemned the actions of this person, his abuse would not have thrived for 30 years. Silence, accommodation, ignorance, turning a blind eye, choosing to put some rabbis on a pedestal that they do not deserve, ignoring children’s voices, refusing to report illegal activity to the police, leaving pedophiles to be adjudicated by batei din, totally unprepared and ill equipped to deal with such serious issues, is a shanda – a disgrace – and shows a complete disregard for our children.

Rachel, I am so appreciative that this topic is finally out in the open, that people are at last coming to grips with the fact that there are MANY sick people out there… sick people more than eager to hurt our children. If we, the adults and parents, are not diligent in protecting our kids, who will be?

It’s up to each and every one of us!

Dear Readers,

Both of you have spoken the truth, openly and boldly. To the male reader who advocates looking in the mirror and honestly assessing one’s behavior, your advice is apt for every human being. None of us are above reproach, and each of us should strive to improve our conduct and middos at every turn.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Reflection, Rebuke and Reverberations…

An open letter to Deborah Feldman

Dearest Deborah,

Today I witnessed a beautiful event. One of my neighbors had yahrtzeit for his mother and got together with all seven of his siblings, some who had come from as far as Israel, not to mention other states in America.

My memory takes me back some years to when I paid a shiva call to this same neighbor upon the loss of his mother. All of her eight children sat shiva together, all shomer Torah and mitzvos, most of them at the time married with children of their own. It was then that my friend had recalled how his mom would come home from work early on Shabbos day, light a cigarette and relax on the couch before getting up to prepare shalosh seudos for them.

Had I heard correctly? I had, my friend assured me. His parents had been non-observant. I was astounded. How had a non-religious couple manage to raise all eight of their children to be shomer Torah u’mitzvos?

Turned out that his mother had been a rebellious girl from Satmar who had gone off the derech. She left home and went to college where she met a secular Israeli whom she wed.

After their marriage, the couple moved to a remote southern town, where they could blend in and be plain American folk. It was after the arrival of their first child that the idea of Jewish identity began to bother my friend’s mother. This concern grew until she persuaded her husband to move to a more “Jewish” city where they could give their children a Jewish education. All eight children received a yeshiva education, half of them going on to Kollel.

Each child would come home expressing a longing for shmiras hamitzvos. Their mother acquiesced to keeping a kosher home, with all that it entailed — on condition that she and their father be counted out. They had no desire to become observant, even as they were willing to facilitate their children’s spiritual journeys.

This woman left her roots just as you did, Deborah. She had her doubts and issues, just like you. The crucial difference between you and her is that she brought holiness into this world — by allowing her beautiful legacy from previous millennia to continue to survive and to shine through her children.

Unlike you, Deborah, she didn’t malign millions of holy women who love their role as Eim b’Yisroel and didn’t sell out their private and tzniusdik way of life for coffee table talk.

Tonight no less than forty-two B’nei Torah will make a seudah for the neshama of their heilige mama — a woman who scorned her roots, yet brought forth fruit.

Deborah, you can be holy too. There’s no escaping your Jewish soul.

 

Dear Rachel,

A dysfunctional, self-absorbed schnook gets up to make fun of our beautiful holy laws and tradition like we’re some backwards people, and Barbara Walters – along with her staff and audience – applauds and cheers. How appalling!

I humbly suggest that BW interview one of the thousands of baalei teshuvah who have abandoned their secular lifestyle, or one of the many frum professionals – yes, chassids among them – who pursue careers in law, medicine, etc., while adhering to the Torah laws.

We can fill not one book but multiple volumes detailing the accomplishments of our own. Let her visit the hospital’s stocked Bikur Cholim room to start with, and in the process she may even run into one of us mothers of large families, who manage to carve time out of our busy schedules to personally distribute fresh home-cooked meals to patients and their visitors — an ongoing daily practice initiated by none other than Satmar.

My heart aches for Deborah and I hope she wakes up before she wastes her life away. Her disadvantaged background serves as no excuse — a person has bechira and is responsible for his or her actions.

A Proud Bas Yisroel

 

Dear Rachel,

As an avid Jewish Press reader for the past fifty years, and a lifetime resident and member of the Williamsburg Satmar community, I feel the need to clarify that despite Deborah’s unstable parentage, her paternal grandparents are wonderful and very intelligent people.

In our warm, caring and close-knit community we help one another out during difficult times, be they happy or G-d forbid sad, be it with money, time or whatever is needed. How ironic that the widely circulated picture of Deborah, alongside her husband and baby, shows her glowing with chein and happiness! Today she may be giving the impression of being happy with her new lifestyle, but on the inside she knows the truth.

I advise people not to take her book for face value — a lot of it must be verified.

Chronicles Of Crises In Our Communities

Thursday, April 5th, 2012

Dear Readers,

Pesach is here and the heady scent of spring is in the air. As tulip bulbs push their beautiful blossoms to the earth’s surface in a burst of color, a sense of optimism takes hold of single men and women who await that special call they fervently hope will culminate in a Chol Hamoed date with their predestined mates.

In the following letter, one young woman bares her soul with regard to her own springtime experiences with promising dates. As she gives voice to her innermost thoughts and emotions, we are made to reflect on the plight of singles whose pain we have the power to assuage in so many ways.

Besides trying our hand at matchmaking, we can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, an invitation for Shabbos or Yom Tov or just because… in short, our heartfelt friendship.

 

Dear Rachel,

As only the many singles in my age bracket may understand, I hate the holidays. Especially Pesach. Spring is a time of rebirth and awakening, anticipations and what ifs… or do I harbor romantic notions, erroneously perhaps? I hope not. Yet I fear that I’ve hit the inescapable, overpowering, towering, merciless wall.

I’m a single woman in my mid 30s who began dating many moons ago, but this year’s dating experience has been outright appalling. You may be surprised to know that I am one of those positive, energetic, “young” single females who enjoys and appreciates life as is. Well, at least until now. Of the many men I’ve dated this past year, I was involved in a few serious relationships that I’d been under the impression were quite promising.

I’ve characterized the men I’ve dated into two separate categories, albeit both of the disingenuous kind. The first are those who possess an actual DSM-IV [mental disorder] diagnosis. The second are shrewd, non-committal cowards. Would you believe me if I were to tell you that the latter kind is worse to experience than the first? Over the past six months or so, I’ve experienced the two types in their purest forms. The first was a true sociopath, a master of deceit to the ultimate level. (For the record, we “met” on a frum dating site.) He falsified everything — from his age, marital status, occupations, family and friends, rabbis, excuses for lateness and absence, to what he ate for lunch, and with such simple and believable detail.

But to some degree I blame myself, as I only checked references at a later stage in the game. Nonetheless, the relationship that I thought had occurred never really existed; I dated a man who was a true phantom, more like a Jekyll and Hyde, if you will. He lived a double life, appearing to be the most ideal type of man: kind, intelligent, sensitive and sweet, while maintaining a discrete identity and leading an entirely different “reality” — an idyllic masquerade I wasn’t aware of, but boy did I play my part well, without the script.

I’m being kind withholding specifics from your readers. To put it mildly, truth is indeed stranger than fiction. What’s more alarming is that I met another single woman through a mutual friend, one who had suffered the same encounter with this unwell man. She had checked his references during the initial dating phase, but was nevertheless misled to the point where they were making wedding plans!

Yes, a chilling, bloodcurdling kind of ordeal. After I ended my involvement with him, I was hurt, upset and somewhat traumatized, but not distraught because it is easier to get over someone with a disturbing mental deficiency. After all, how much control can he have over his behavior and actions? I just feel for his other victims and fear for those he’s about to cunningly pounce on.

The second relationship only recently ended and has left me heartbroken. The wound is still raw and I haven’t completely made sense of it all. We’re both not young, he approaching his 40s, and I, calculating how many children G-d can mercifully grant me. After close to two months of dating, he broke down and admitted that he was, “as of yet,” not ready to be in a serious relationship.

Apparently we weren’t on the same page, as neither I, nor the relationship, was a priority for him. He let me know he had matters of more importance to attend to, and, in passing, he managed to acknowledge his fear of change. (Don’t we all fear the unknown?) I delicately alluded to Shakespeare’s cowards die many times before their deaths. All the same, he decided he could not add more stress to his already demanding itinerary and needed to take a break. (What in the world does that mean?!)

Please understand, I sincerely like this man and believe him to be a good, solid individual, albeit “unprepared” to settle down. (In another 20 years from now, maybe…?) I just wish I had trusted my intuition when at the onset I felt the topics being evaded by him to be some sort of warning sign. No wonder I am ridiculed for being too trusting, and believing in giving people and experiences a more than fair chance. Was he consciously aware of his unreadiness, or that he’d leave me devastated? I think not.

Printed from: http://www.jewishpress.com/sections/family/chronicles-of-crises/chronicles-of-crises-in-our-communities-332/2012/04/05/

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