I am writing this for myself, for parents of children who aren’t at the top of the class, and mostly for educators.
I recently experienced a painful conversation, one of the most shocking of my life, with a middle school rebbi about his students. The events and factors that led us to this conversation aren’t important. This rebbi has 25 kids in his class. A third of the students are excellent, a third are struggling and a third have no interest in learning.
The rebbi decided to expel half of the class to a second class and told a quarter of the remaining students on probation to see if they’ll remain or be expelled out of his class as well. He then told the students he expelled – when they rejoined him for a different class he taught them – that they were to sit on the side and they weren’t worth his time. He told them explicitly that he doesn’t care about them or how much they learn. They were to sit on the side of the room and do their best not to disturb the good students in the middle of the room.
In my conversation with this rebbi I told him that I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt, and couldn’t believe the reports I received that he had said this to his students. The rebbi said he had, that everything I had told him I heard was true. Why, he asked, should he put effort into students who won’t put effort into his lessons? He explained to me he had given the “less valuable students” (his actual words) four months to prove themselves, and they’d demonstrated their lack of worth. He “couldn’t be expected to waste his time on students who waste their time.”
I was dumbfounded. I explained that I was on this call with him because I have 25 years of experience in teaching and I’d never heard anything so nauseating from a rebbi in my life. I told him in 25 years of education I’ve learned that my weaker students were the ones who needed and deserved more of my time and effort than the stronger students. I explained that students are saplings. They need water and tender loving care. The worst possible thing to tell a student is they have no worth. Telling a student they’re wasting your time is corrosively damaging to them, a message they very might well never recover from – especially if they’re not told the opposite FAST.
Our students are entrusted to us by their parents, administrators and the Jewish community to grow and nurture. We’re not expected to produce results, we’re expected above all to treat our students like our own children. The words we use, the messages we send and the feelings we engender must be of love and care.
Fellow rebbeim, I’m not writing this to you so that you will never speak to a child this way; no normal rebbi would. I’m writing to inspire you to redouble your efforts in loving, caring and encouraging your students. Our tafkid (role) is to build our students up, to create the next generation of strong and inspired members of the Jewish community. Let’s fulfill our mission!