Photo Credit: Yaakov Naumi/Flash90
No female, young or old, is "chill" after marriage.

The pressure of commitment There is a metaphysical reality that occurs the moment you stand under the chupah. In short, you create a new reality. You attach your soul and your spouse’s soul together by breathing the breath of life into your union as you each say Amein a few times. Then the glass breaks and you let the end welcome the beginning.

Think of the business world. Have you ever entered a partnership where there is no initial reaction of feeling pressure? If you did, then I would guess that one of two things happened. One version could be that one side became over loaded to pick up the slack from the “no pressure” partner. Or, if not that, then both sides felt no pressure and the business failed.


Pressure is natural. Pressure is what you want. Pressure is what pulls reactions out of you and gives you the opportunity to choose to do the right thing. Character is easily measured by watching a person’s reaction to pressure. Most importantly, pressure is a blessing and the feeling of it can come with marriage. Manifest this feeling and use it as an opportunity to learn how to strive, achieve and enjoy dwelling in a life full of motion.

The solution For those still thinking that they should be looking for someone chill, the better solution is to run from all things chill. Tackle life as it comes. Trust yourself. Then realize what is happening here. It is time to build your Emunah. How? Because, when one has Emunah in Hashem then one is confident to take on anything and everything that comes their way.

Confidently, know that a strong woman makes a good wife. Refrain from being intimidated by the abilities of a good woman. It is the female’s strength that will maintain the center of balance in the home. In this strength, is the foundation on which you will be able to grow – as a husband, as a father and as a man. Be grateful. Say thank you. And, always remember the shabbos flowers, even if you find yourself on the smallest budget.

The Warning

Guard your time. Every moment that you are not pursing the endeavor of finding your spouse and creating a family, is a moment selfishly slaughtered. Waste not. Use your time wisely. Live alert, alive and enjoy every moment of every step – starting now! The worst experience is that of someone who finally realizes they never knew what they were missing until they have it and desperately wish they had more time to enjoy it.


Previous articleHareidi Bus Bomb Driver: “I’m No Hero”
Next articleWithout Gratitude There Is No Leadership
Mrs. Amber Adler authored the book 1,000 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married. She has a professional background in Business and Journalism and holds a Bachelor’s of Specialized Studies from Ohio University. Get more info on her official website.