Question: The Covid-19 pandemic has put an end to almost all public gatherings; hence, much of Jewish congregational ritual has come to a halt. Is there a way to make up for everything we missed?
M. Goldman
Answer: Due to this pandemic, some changes have had to be made in burial and mourning practices. Generally, we prepare the remains of someone who passed away for immediate burial. Due to the tireless efforts of various chevra kadisha, with the cooperation of funeral directors, this practice thankfully continues to be observed even though many of the deceased had not bought burial plots in advance.
We must also not forget the herculean effort of those engaged in transporting remains to Eretz Yisrael in cases where the niftar or his or her family requested it.
We know that funerals are now much smaller in accordance with the psak that only roughly a minyan, including immediate mourners – all spaced apart – may be present. Additional people are able to join only via Zoom or similar platforms. Eulogies, for the most part, have been kept to a minimum.
Following every Jewish burial (as noted in Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah) comes shiva, shloshim, and Yud Beit Chodesh. (Only children mourning their parents must observe this last period of time.) During shiva, there is a mitzvah of nichum aveilim – to comfort and console the mourners. This mitzvah – which is biblical according to Rabbeinu Yonah and rabbinic according to the Rambam – seems to have been upended somewhat due to social distancing regulations.
Usually, we visit mourners in their homes, to which they’re confined for seven days. Consoling them is a form of gemilat chesed. This year, though, going to pay someone a shiva call is generally out of the question. So how does one console a mourner?
I remember years ago when my grandmother, Mrs. Ethel Klass, a”h, was niftar, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zt”l, – who was already advanced in years at the time – picked up the telephone and called the family to be menachem avel. If a telephone call suited such a great gaon at that time, it should be sufficient for us during this time.
Indeed, calling someone over the phone today seems to be the only means of fulfilling this most important mitzvah. If a person cannot reach a mourner, an e-mail or text or WhatsApp message will apparently have to do. The message should include the special text ordained by our sages: “Hamakom yinachem etchem b’toch she’ar aveilei Tziyon v’Yerushalayim – May Hashem console you among the other mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.”
I have personal experience regarding the efficacy of leaving a telephone message. I called the Mirrer rosh yeshiva, HaRav Osher Kalmanowitz, shlit”a, to be menachem him on the loss of his dear mother, Rebbetzin Malka Kalmanowitz, a”h, a real tzadeket. A few days later, I received a call back thanking me for my kind words of consolation.
May all klal Yisrael be consoled for the many unfortunate losses we have incurred due to this horrific pandemic. Hashem yerachem aleinu – May Hashem show His mercy upon us.
Clarification: I wish to thank two of our readers who very keenly pointed out what appeared to be an obvious error in last week’s column. They noted that it was impossible for Eliyahu Rabbah to cite the Gra since he died eight years before the Gra was born. I apologize. What I meant to convey was that Mishnah Berurah (Orach Chayim 135:6, 7) cited both Eliyahu Rabbah (who maintains that we read multiple missed parashiyot) and the Gra (who maintains that we don’t).
(to be continued)
