Rabbi Jonathan Muskat
The propriety of giving a large gift or bonus to a child’s rebbe or teacher depends on several factors and requires a balanced approach. On one hand, teachers and rebbeim often face financial challenges. The Chatam Sofer (Chullin 44b) notes that many wise and righteous individuals reluctantly accept gifts because their love for Torah drives them to focus on teaching rather than seeking financial gain. Gifts can provide much-needed support, allowing rebbeim to continue their vital work without undue financial stress.
At the same time, Mishlei states, “Sonei matanot yichye – One who avoids gifts will live.” This teaching highlights potential pitfalls associated with receiving gifts. Rashi explains that avoiding gifts helps safeguard against unethical behavior, such as theft. The Sema adds that accepting gifts can lead to dependency on others, flattery of benefactors, or reluctance to rebuke them. Over time, a person might become overly focused on material gain, neglecting to trust in Hashem as the ultimate source of sustenance. These concerns may also apply to accepting excessive gifts, which could foster a sense of entitlement or jealousy among teachers.
Another consideration is whether large gifts create unintended inequities. If a teacher shows favoritism to the child of a generous parent, it could undermine fairness in the classroom and cause discomfort among other parents and students.
In summary, providing a meaningful gift to express gratitude for a rebbe’s dedication is praiseworthy, particularly when it helps support their financial needs. However, the gift should be given with pure intentions and received with self-awareness. It is essential that gifts reflect appreciation (hakarat hatov) rather than an expectation of future benefits, ensuring the integrity of the teacher-student relationship and maintaining equity within the school community.
Rabbi Jonathan Muskat is the rabbi of the Young Israel of Oceanside, a rebbe at Shulamith High School, and a pastoral health care liaison at Mount Sinai South Nassau.
* * * * *
Rabbi Mordechai Weiss
There is no question that parents who feel deeply indebted to their child’s rebbe or teacher – for the positive impact they’ve had – often wish to express their heartfelt hakarat hatov. As a longtime Jewish educator, I have always encouraged parents to show appreciation for the dedication and hard work of teachers.
However, it is important that this appreciation be shown in a manner that is respectful, appropriate, and avoids any awkwardness or appearance of impropriety.
Gifts or bonuses should only be given collectively by the class as a group. Individual gifts during the school year can create discomfort and an unintended sense of favoritism. In the schools I’ve worked with, we made it a clear policy that individual gifts were not permitted during the academic year – only group gifts were acceptable as tokens of appreciation.
If a child is finishing the year and will not have the same teacher or rebbe in the following year, then it is both proper and praiseworthy to express personal gratitude. In such cases, an individual gift is acceptable and can be a meaningful expression of hakarat hatov.
That being said, I would also advise teachers and rebbeim to avoid accepting overly large gifts or bonuses. Such gestures, while well-intentioned, can create uncomfortable dynamics and may even raise halachic or ethical concerns. As Shlomo HaMelech teaches, “Sonei matanot yichye – One who hates gifts will live” (Mishlei 15:27).
If a parent insists on giving a generous gift, the rebbe or teacher might gently suggest that the funds instead be used to benefit the broader student body – perhaps through a donation to the school, or by purchasing new classroom equipment. This allows the gratitude to be channeled in a constructive, communal, and respectful way.
Rabbi Mordechai Weiss lives in Efrat, Israel, and previously served as an elementary and high school principal in New Jersey and Connecticut. He was also the founder and rav of Young Israel of Margate, N.J. His email is [email protected].
* * * * *
Rabbi Yaakov Klass
On the surface, a rebbe/teacher is providing a service. As such, is he/she any different than a waiter or any other service provider to whom it is the accepted norm to leave a tip? A tip is generally a way of rewarding good service. If the teacher provides good service, should it not be proper to reward that service?
On the other hand, there are certain service providers that to tip them would seem quite odd and is certainly unheard of, if not demeaning, like one’s healthcare provider. They charge a fee for their service, and if their charges are paid on time, they are more than happy. Waiters and many other service providers labor at a low-wage scale; thus, the tip is a means of acknowledging that their efforts are greatly appreciated and are generally expected.
The rebbe and morah have to prepare and be proficient in the subject matter to be taught, and can sometimes have very large classes, even, I’ve seen, as many as 36 students. However, their pay scale, for the most part, leaves much to be desired. As such, they are surely deserving and in need of some type of bonus.
The problem might arise that since there are other children involved, an unusually large gift bonus be seen as shochad – a bribe to the teacher to pay special attention to that parent’s child, through efforts that could be at the expense of the other children.
What would be proper would be for the parent to give that large bonus to the school administration with the proviso that it is given anonymously to the rebbe/morah. This way, the rebbe will not know who his generous benefactor is, and each child will be viewed as possibly the cause of such generosity, and each and every child will receive the special attention that is needed.
Yet, many parents will not follow this advice and will nonetheless insist that they show their appreciation to their child’s teacher directly. Proper behavior would be for them to attach a note that the gift is on behalf of their son/daughter and all their classmates.
Rabbi Yaakov Klass, rav of Congregation K’hal Bnei Matisyahu, Flatbush, Brooklyn; is Torah editor of The Jewish Press; he also serves as chairman of the Presidium of the Rabbinical Alliance of America. He can be contacted at [email protected] and [email protected].
